Hi all, I mentioned earlier in my "I dont know thread" that I emailed zora about a remote I left.. She emailed me back. I dont want to continue this over email as I need someone to /slap me if I am crossing any lines... I dont want to put this on her, or my personal thread so I appologize for another one...

Silverwind's Last response below....

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I think I will move this to forum, I need to know if I am doing something I should not be,

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From: her
Sent: Sunday, October 05, 2008 7:34 PM
To: me
Subject: RE: TV Remote

No this is fine. I will go through the kitchen anyway because there are doubles of alot of stuff. And there are also the glasses on the shelf in the dining room anyway.



I'm not sure what to do about the dogs. What do you think if we each keep one? I'm not sure if that would make it any easier. But at least its an idea.

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her

her



In the end, what we regret most are the chances we never took....

~Alfred Lord Tennyson



--- On Sun, 10/5/08, wrote:

From: me
Subject: RE: TV Remote
To: her
Date: Sunday, October 5, 2008, 7:06 PM

Maybe we should post this instead, I don?t want to cross any lines and if I do I want to get the /slap






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From: me
Sent: Sunday, October 05, 2008 7:06 PM
To: her
Subject: RE: TV Remote



My mother is buying me a set of pots and pans, you keep them all.



Any washer dryer fine, Maureen drove down and store the dryer! . Thanks for this; you don?t need to do it.



I thought you did not want them. The past few days you have gone back on forth on them.



I was planning on keeping them full time somehow based upon our last conversation. What are your thoughts on the dogs?

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From: her
Sent: Sunday, October 05, 2008 6:54 PM
To: me
Subject: Re: TV Remote

Thanks we did have some nice racing today.

I can put it in the mail box. I will also go through the kitchen and put stuff aside for you. Is there anything in particular you want from the kitchen other than pots and pans?

Also I was going to order your washer/dryer this week. What is your house number? This is the one I was going to order:

http://www.sears.com/shc/s/p_10153_12605_02697922000P?vName=Appliances&cName=Washers+%26+Dryers&sName=Stacked+Laundry+Units

Also, what about the dogs? You took the bowls and food. Are you keeping them? I guess I was kinda suprised.

her

************************************************************
her

In the end, what we regret most are the chances we never took....

~Alfred Lord Tennyson

--- On Sun, 10/5/08, me> wrote:

From: me
Subject: TV Remote
To: her
Date: Sunday, October 5, 2008, 6:12 PM

I seem to have forgotten to grab that today. If you can put in mailbox I can pick it up, or Mark offered to come get it.

I hope you had a good race today.

me

I dont know, I am willing to keep them both as I love them dearly. I also take comfort in having my dogs around.

I know you do as well so its not fair for me to keep them both.

I dont know if splitting them up is the answer either...

Can anyone offer advice?

Joint custody?

Silver,

You have too many threads and I cannot find where your story is. Can you point me to the right thread?

In order to understand my story, it starts with Zora's

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubb...in=143272&Number=1878728#Post1878728


Mine just started here a few days ago and most is just me being a jacka$$. Todays thread is really where mind should start, the rest was just me not knowing even the basics.

Ideally it would work, but I see now that me even being around is hurting Zora. Having to share custody means exchanging them.

And honestly, I need to not see or contact her for me as well. I need to heal myself.

I have no issues with emailing for our business reasons like the dogs, stuff I left without knowing etc.. After 13 + years there is bound to be some stuff that needs sorting out.

But what is best for the dogs matters quite a bit.

She can give them better time and care because of the work situation vs distance to home...

I would not be able to give them as much attention, but on weekends I can give them more with the beach here and her being away on races.

I dont know the answer.

All this over a remote control? If you were my H, your desperateness would be rubbing me the wrong way.

"I need someone to /slap me if I am crossing any lines..."

:twobyfour: :twobyfour:

I just wantet to pick it up in the mailbox, or have a mutual friend pick it up.

Im sorry if that crossed a line. I will stop.

I can let her dictate how she wants to handle the dogs.

When you want to stop being a [censored], you will. Until then, stop your whining, you shame those who have to deal with real pain.....It's freaking disgusting!!!

I was refering to my first desperate posts on this site a few days ago, nothing else.

I know I have alot to learn and I ask for help, If I make a mistake, please point it out so I can learn, but please be clear.

I am just learning, this will take time.

I think I understand and choose a poor choice of words,

I meant her story IS my story, not you need to read hers to understand mine.

That was my bad on choosing a word.

Let her have the dogs. Don't leave it up to her - just give them to her.

Buy your own universal remote. They don't cost very much.

Women friends? They are for couples and single people. Right now you are not a couple. You don't want to be a single person, either. So you need to act married even though you are not, or won't be shortly.

You admit you have poor boundaries with women, and in the next breath say you won't give up contacting your women friends, just won't rely on them for your support.

That's not how a WH earns his coveted "F".

Maybe some of the others can recommend some good reading material on this. I have seen "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass (?) recommended many times, but haven't read it myself. I'm sure there are other good resources.

I missed something. Hasn't this been the problem all along?

OK, I will give her the dogs. I do have poor boundaries, I k now that.I actually have no women friend at all right now, save for friends wives and they are more acquaintenances.

The women I was refering to was a friend's wife who has been very good to Zora and Myself, she came with her husband and their truck today to help me move. She was trying to console me this morning because I was emotional as I posted in my new thread. She and her husband have been very helpful to me. I kept my distance because of the advice here.

Now help me understand here. I dont have any female friend I would lean on for support, nor any that I consider anything more than acquaintenances. But one should stop contacting friends during this time just because they are female? I guess I answered my own question, Yes. It could create the illusion of wrongdoing even if its not there and I dont need that or the temptation to lean on them.

I started this thread because we were conversing in email and I though it better to let everyone see so I could get help and have mistakes pointed out?

Was that is mistake too? Or was my mistake asking if she could leave the remote in the mailbox?

I guess I am not thinking correctly. I was thinking how she could get it to me without seeing me, but I should of been thinking how can I get one without having to contact and possibly hurt her.

Universal remote. Gottcha.

Getting her the dogs may be a little more tricky. Should I suggest that a friend drive them over after I bring them back?

With as many threads as you are starting, it looks to me that you are just trying to change the tide of opinion. Every time a thread doesn't go in the direction you hope, you start another one. Almost like rewriting history in real time.

If you really want to focus on you, then do it. But focusing on yourself and trying to be the center of the known universe are not the same thing.

Please keep the dogs together whoever gets them. Why ruin their lives in this too?

You cannot control what W is going to do. You can only hope to control what you do.

Until you can completely remove yourself from any contact with OW, you are simply passing time.

And on a side note and only because I have to continually remind DD1, hot fog and steam are not the same thing. In fact, I'm not sure that hot fog can even exist as a phase of water. Heat would lower the relative humidity of the air allowing it to absorb the fog.

Steam is also invisible and a fact that should never be forgotten if you happen to find yourself in a power generation plant. You can't see it but it can kill you.

What can be seen coming out of a tea kettle, for example, is water vapor which is never invisible but neither is it fog. Waper vapor is a localized supersaturation of air and not very stable - unlike fog which will remain unless acted upon by external processes.

I really am trying to learn. I started my first thread out of desperation, the second turned into a flame where I was wrong, so I started one called Silverwind's I dont know what...

That is my thread. Until something changes to warrant a new subject.

I was told very clearly not to post in Zora's thread, and I understand that, I did not to post the emails exchanged in mine because that was not about me. I though it deserved its own.

Im sorry, I will stick to my one main from now on.

I agree, the dogs should not be split up. I will give them to her. Would you suggest having a friend of mine drop them off? I can have him contact her to make the arrangements.

I am removing myself, that is not in question. I will not be in ANY contact. My intermediate plan to work in a store will and talk to the CEO will prevent any interaction. Then find a job in my field as quickly as I can.

Based on your email exchange, have a friend take the dogs to her. You really need to work things out before you interact with her. Are you going for Plan B then?

I do believe you getting another job will be noticed by Zora. Might not bring her back but it will be the first step in that direction. Speaking as a BS, you working in the same time zone as OW is a continual slap in the face.

And as for universal remotes, Logitech Harmony remotes are good (but pricey). I got the Harmony 1000 and the Harmony One. I like the cheaper one better but am kicking myself that I didn't have the foresight to get the Harmony 890 with an extender.

That post on og Pio is vintage. I miss those old days. ahhhhhhhhh TKO.

I am not anywhere near ready for a plan A let alone B. Not to mention I have not read any of the harleys books yet, they should be arriving here early this week. Any advice on which to read first? His needs / her needs, surviving an affair, or love busters? Is there a suggested order?

The no contact is to prevent me from further hurting her which is all I am doing now.

I will have our mutual friend drop them off. I will ask him to call her tomorrow to arrange something.

I understand that totally, I wish I could just up and quit. I really do.

I just need aa basic remote, to turn off and on, change colunme and channels... I dont have cable, just antenna for local stations. Probably 10 bucks at a radioshack. Nice 42' plasma with a coathanger for an antenna

Thank you for explaining my mistakes. I will try not to repeat them.