He and I just had another short talk (the kids are around) and he wants to just hang up on her without saying anything to her at all.

This works for me for the most part. The problem I have is if she keeps calling and calling if he will evenually talk to her and how he will handle it if he does.

I know that he does not want to talk to her but I have so many what if's that I'm not ready to put it to the test!!!

I have her cell number and want to call her SOOOOOO bad but I won't because NO CONTACT means NO CONTACT by either of us. Although, I can't guarentee that if she continues to try to contact my H that I won't call her.

I am not going to take but so much, nor am I going to leave a lot to faith. God helps those that help themselves

I don't like this...


EXACTLY..this is DANGEROUS...

JO:

Dr. Harley even recommends moving out of town to avoid NO CONTACT whatsoever FOR LIFE...

If she does call him again, I think it is a reasonable idea for him to simply hang up the phone. If she is a drama queen, it gives her nothing to fuel any drama. Also, it keeps the contact one sided.

If I have read this thread correctly, this is the first time that she has attempted to contact him since the NC letter. It is not unusual for the affair partner to test the waters. With my H's EA partner, she tried sending him a text after he sent the NC letter. I am sure she was just testing the waters to see if he would keep up contact with her by phone. Of course he didn't and we have not heard from her again.

Try to just enjoy your evening with your husband. It sounds like the two of you have a good plan and joint agreement. Try not to dwell on all this too much. It takes away hours of relationship time that the two of you deserve to have with each other. Don't give that skank any more of you time and attention than you need too!

Mimi,
THis is just a fear right now. My H thinks since his other co-worker flat out told the OW that she DID NOT NEED to talk to H and that co-worker was not going to let her, that OW will not try to contact him again. I think he's wrong but we shall see. I'm not waiting for it to happen though, I'll be taking things into my own hands in the morning and defining his and my own destiny. My marriage is better than it has ever been and we have been through too much in the last 6 months to let some POS upset the apple cart yet again. I WILL NOT LET IT HAPPEN!! NOR WILL HE! I know that you guys don't believe that but I know he does not want to talk to her so I will do what I have to to make sure that she doesn't try to contact him.

I plan to take definite steps to assure that there is not connect. First by contacting her live-in with all the information and her friend too.

Moving out of town would be the last resort. While he and I both have talked about moving, right now it is not fesible with the housing market as it is, we have houses in our neighborhood that have been on the market for over a year and not sold. H and I both work for national/global companies where transfers are available but without being able to sell our house, we can't go.

If we can't sell our house, we can't move and when you have a $2500+ mortgage there's no leasing it either.

I know that most on here do not want to hear that but what do we do??

My first steps will be to try to make sure that the skank understands NO CONTACT means NO CONTACT

Can you have a restraining order issued against her for harassment?

Thanks for the reassurance LAKE. Part of me thinks that this is exactly what she is doing.

That she thinks that the NO CONTACT was just while they worked for the same company but since she is no longer there, then contact is OK. NOT

My H has worked very hard and continues to work hard to make things right with me and our marriage. Everyday he works even harder than the day before. While the EA was the most devastating (sp?) thing that I have ever had to deal with, it has made my marriage better than it has ever been. We have learned so much about ourselves, each other and what was wrong with our marriage that made his EA possible. We work hard every day to meet and even excede each others EN.

Between this site and our MC we have obtained so many tools to make things even better not just for us and our marriage but also for our children.

No....she has not made contact just attempted it by calling my H at the office but she was intercepted by one of H's other co-workers who told OW that she did not need to talk to H (THANKS SO much co-worker)Of course the skanks last words to the co-worker was "Tell **** to call me" **** is not going to call her but I will or I will show up at her office if she insists on trying to contact him.

I Hope and pray that she got the hint and doesnt try to contact H again but I'm not counting on it.

If it comes to it, I will go to the court house and get a RO but I will have to have proof and the only way to get proof is if she continues to try.

IMO, she was more persistent than a simple testing of the waters. That doesn't mean she's automatically a psycho bunny killer either, but I think you were wise to come up with a plan if she keeps on.

I don't think your H believes he wants to talk to her, sorry if I didn't make that clear. But whether he is aware of it or not, a tiny secret part of him still craves her attention. Probably by now this is such a small part he feels like it has been swallowed up by his love for you. To an extent it is, and he doesn't still feel it, but it hasn't magically vanished, either.

That doesn't mean you aren't having a great recovery, because you are. A short time down the road this will all be a blip.

I get it. I've said to him before, how do you go from having an EA for about a year with OW but now do not want any contact. His response is that all that time he 'thought' that she was his friend and since I found out about the EA she has proven over and over again that she isn't.

I realize that there is still a small part of him, given the right time and circumstance, that would want to talk to the skank ....therefore, I'm going to do my darndest to deter her.

For a while you'll be smarter than he is, lol, so enjoy it while it lasts.

believe me....I am enjoying it!!

:crosseyedcrazy:

Jo-

I know this is a scary time for you- having the ow attempt contact- I have been down this road- my fwh ignored all contact (at least that's what he says and I believe him)-- her attempts were frequent at the onset of DD... then monthly... then every six months... to the last one about a year ago... I am told about each contact... some of them ridiculous-- like an email saying your BS has been trying to contact me- if she wants to talk tell her to leave a message... this was at about nine months out from DD... I only contacted her one time the day of DD where I informed her I knew what was going on... I loved my fwh and had for 14 years- we had three great kids- and what I thought was a good marriage UNTIL today... and I wanted to know WOMEN to WOMEN what she felt for my FWH -- the coward hung up...

I had no desire to ever talk to her again... she had her chance when I was emotionally shaken and didn't know what to do... I NEVER again tried to contact her nor had the desire

my thoughts... I think they are so hung up on our FWH's they can't shake em... I can only figure they too are at the bottom of an emotional barrel and any little scrap of attention they get helps them... even if it's sloppy left overs... this attention makes them feel better- they important to a wayward because they are being chosen placed before marital vows, children, spouses whatever.... then one day-- bam!! those scraps are gone... they were not as important as they once thought...they are panicked... even more desperate than before... and once again are preying on a marriage that is hurting and trying to mend... they are preying for that one weak moment our FWH may have... I always felt those contacts were her attempt to weasel back in on a bad day for my fwh....

try not to feed her... look at her motives for what they are... her motives...

good luck and stay strong

Ahhhh, the classic double-edged sword...

Every time something hinky happens you think it's her, and it probably is.

Every time something strange happens to OW, she's SURE it's you, and it isn't!

Can you say paranoid? :crosseyedcrazy:

Yep.....paranoid with a CAPITAL 'P'

I completely agree with what Neak has been saying. If you give her ANY emotional reaction at all, it's just going to egg her on. Narcicisstic personalities feed off that kind of stuff.

MAJOR kudos to your DH too. He's doing a GREAT job.