I am a Christian and met my wife when she was not a Christian. About a month into our friendship she told me she was married, I decided to ignore the fact and we commited adultary. She ended up leaving her husband for me and we married 3 years later. We've been married now for 5 years but with much guilt between us. She has since become a Christian but it does not change the fact how we met, what we did and the guilt we continually feel which leads to other marriage issues like distrust and fighting.

Lately I've been feeling like we should divorce because God did not join our marriage since we were marrying against Gods rules. The Bible clearly states over and over that leaving ones wife or husband to marry another is adultary, and I believe you keep commiting adultary as long as youre in that marriage, am I wrong to think this way?

Do we need to wash our hands clean of this marriage that started in total sin and lies so we can be clean in Gods eyes.

One example that keeps playing in my mind is someone who stole someone elses car, after stealing it he's sorry about it, repents before God and promises to never steal again, but yet he continues to drive the car daily.

Any advice or words of wisdom would be highly appreciated.

Hi Tc

I am not sure if you have kids or not, and that may be something to consider in all of this. That said, when I was reading your post I couldn't help but think of the story of King David and Bathsheba.

He not only committed adultery with her, but when she became pregnant and he couldn't get her honorable husband to go home and sleep with Bathsheba to cover up his sin, he had his general send her husband to the front lines to be killed.

When he was confronted by Nathan-God's prophet-David repented. That means, he truly confessed his sin against God, and he changed his ways. He stopped lying and covering up his sin.

He and his new wife suffered, the child conceived by their adultery died-and he had trouble with his older children. One tried to have him killed to take over the kingdom. Yet, he was still called a man after God's own heart. And the next son he had with Bathsheba became the next king of Israel.

David's Psalms about his repentance are very moving.

Why am I sharing this with you? Because God can change a repentant heart. Jesus' forgiveness is complete. I don't think you can "repair" what you did by divorcing.

I would recommend that you contact the Harley's for marriage counseling. At least you both might get some clarity about what the best thing to do would be.

As I stated in the other post.

yes.

As for the David story, I STRONGLY disagree that it applies here. Uriah was killed at the hands of David (which by the law then should have meant that David was executed!). I imagine that the story would have been a bit different had Uriah still been alive!

There are no kids involved.

Maybe, just maybe your wifey will do to you what she did to her husband.

You don't think she'll do the same to you?


Since you really think that you are a christian, I'll post the same response I gave in your duplicate thread.


The BH has a debt against you and it must be settled before he takes you before the Judge himself, who will turn you over to the jailer and toss you into the pit.

In other words you think you are better than your wife... you don't think you made the same mistake as she did.

You seduced another man's wife... you are both guilty of wrongdoing. And blaming her certainly won't do much good for your marriage either I suspect but that's all the advise I want to give.

Here is a novel idea. Why not go to her first husband and get his take on what happened?

Why not share with him that you feel convicted about what has transpired?

There is confession and repentance. If you are really convicted, go to him and confess your sin to him.

If your state has an anullment provision, see if you can have your marriage anulled. That you married under the false notion that she was marriable, she was married when she met and her husband did not want to divorce, so the two of you should have never married.

If you are strongly convicted by this, I'd suggest you confess this to him as well as to her.

This is a tough situation. There are those who say that your marriage is not valid, that she is still married to her previous husband.

Others argue that you don't fix a sin with another sin, and to choose divorce is to sin.

I would not want to be in your shoes, as you face some tough decisions.

But I believe if you want to make things right, start with her ex-husband.

Oh, and of course the other half of this is that by Old Testement law, her former husband cannot take her back.

Deuteronomy 24:1-4,


So her former husband cannot re-marry her according to the law of Moses.

yea go talk to the XH!



my cheating XW will probably end up marrying the dude she left me for and if that SOB ever came to my house i'd be in no mood to help him

bottom line is you married a woman knowing that your relationship was borne of adultry with absolutely no feelings as to what you destroyed. your marriage was doomed from the getgo IMHO.

leave the XH out of it

I think youre totally misunderstanding me.

I'm taking all the blame, I was a Christian at the time and I knew better, in no way am I thinking I'm better nor am I blaming anyone but myself.

Not to help him. To hear his side of the story AND to ask his forgiveness for dating and ultimately marrying his wife.

I wasn't suggesting he go to her XH for help. But to confess his sin and seek forgiveness.

I totally agree with that and its already been on the to do list.

I'm with Charliethree on this. There is NOW WAY I ever want OW coming anywhere NEAR me - not for help and not to ask for forgiveness. She does not DESERVE to have the RIGHT to ask my forgiveness. The X, sure. The OP - NO F****G WAY!!!! As an OP, you are lower than parasites on pond scum. Don't bring your filthy diseases and toxic spewage anywhere around me, my home or my family. PLEASE!!!!!

The ow in my situation, a few years back, on christmas eve no less, sent me an email (I actually posted it on this site at the time it happened) saying she was sorry for cheating with my husband, gave me a barrage of excuses from her grandfather dying to her then husband never being there for her, etc, and that she should have waited until my marriage died a natural death before screwing my husband. And she was just so sorry for her actions.

After losing my breakfast and then lmao, I emailed her back. I told her that first of all, if not for her I would still be working on my marriage and would not have thrown him out. I told her that at the time she was screwing him, my inlaws were here from Alaska trying to help us save the marriage. I secondly said, my husband was not there for me either because he was out screwing her. Thirdly, I told her to respect the request I had made many months back that she NEVER contact me. And lastly, I told the story like this: You were working for a bank and embezzling money every single day and really living it up, and then you got caught. The CEO caught you red handed. So, you begged for forgiveness and said how sorry you were, but after all was said and done, you continued stealing money from the bank. Not really sorry are you? I told her that the day she stopped sleeping with my husband, left the adulterous relationship and truly repented was the day she could ask my forgiveness.

I also told her that it was between her and God now. That she was meant nothing more to me that the dog sh*t I scrape off of my shoe. I did not need to worry because the bible said HE would deal with people like her and my ex.

Not sure how much that helps, but that is how I felt about an apology from the ow.

Sorry Tabby, but I don't think the ex DESERVES forgiveness. He is a lying, cheating slimeball, who stood and VOWED to love you, honour you and cherish you.

Then, he stabbed us in the back, destroyed our families, raped us (yep... he slept with someone else while being with us, all the while leading us to believe he was a different person... I equate it with rape, because had I known he was screwing that whore, I would have NEVER let him touch me)and doesn't seem to give much of a care about it.

MY EX, will not be forgiven. Yes, I am happier right now then ever. But, I don't care for the way I was hurt, and I won't forget it. I just don't care enough to forgive him. (Besides, I doubt I'll see him apologizing to me anyway :P )

My STBX thinks of himself as a modern-day David. He is well aware of what the Bible says about adultery. But he thinks that after he divorces me and settles into a new life with OW, after a while God will start to use him again. He said this to my face. Very unlike David, there's nothing about repentance in his vocabulary. I think he figures he will act sorry once the divorce is final and he's remarried, and God will have no clue what just happened. He is just arrogant and narcissistic enough to think he can fool God. He has no expectation of reaping what he sows.

When I told STBX that God isn't going to change His Word to suit him, he looked like a deer caught in the headlights for a second, then told me that he doesn't have to listen to me.

He always told me that I never had to worry about his friendship with OW because she's not a Christian and he wasn't interested in her. He told me that because he was a strong Christian family man, she felt safe that he wasn't going to hit on her. She wasn't the type of person to cheat. Nothing for me to worry about. Just friends.

Later, I read emails where she said she was angry with God. On D-day, STBX told me that she is Christian, just because she believes there is a God, though she had no use for Him at the moment. She had refused to go church with her husband "because there are too many hypocrites," but then changed her tune and started going with the biggest one right as we sold our house, and he got access to his share of our equity. I don't know what her relationship is with God right now, but to come to Christ you have to repent of your sins, and the last time I checked, she was still fornicating and committing adultery with my husband, with my child and hers in the next room. And she went ahead with her divorce, without Biblical grounds.

I don't know what you should do in this situation. I just look forward to it happening to my STBX. If you are going to divorce, I hope you will do it before children are involved. I hope your repentance is real.

Didn't mean to say he deserves forgiveness. But he is welcome to ask for it. Just as he stood and vowed to love, honour and cherish me, I did the same to him and I am willing to hear a sincere appology should it ever come. I did not make any vows to OW so she can rot in 4311 with her guilt.

I know someone who had an affair and got divorced. Now he's 'dating' the woman he had an affair with and she's still married.

When this person told me what had happened and apologized for letting me down, I told him that I could see no future in a relationship with OW as they would never trust each other.

Sure enough, he's divorced, she's still married and SHE does not trust HIM. Twisted of course but predictable.

My ex married his mistress and they fight like cats and dogs in private but put on quite the show in public.

Point is, how can their be any trust when neither party to an affair is TRUSTWORTHY? There can't be and without trust there can be no relationship.

I don't know what you should do. I'm just glad I'm not in your shoes.

FS

If your relationship with your wife is strong, this issue can be overcome. If you really love each other, you should stay together.

If you think about it, if we keep to your standards, all the people dating before their divorces are complete are committing adultery. Mine is taking almost 4 years so far since the filing and I don't think I should wait until it's final. I haven't even spoken to my soon to be ex-husband for almost 4 years. He filed, by the way. There was no infidelity in our marriage of almost 20 years.

Obviously, there was something wrong with your wife's first marriage before you showed up and since her values are different now, her actions will be different, as well. I do believe people can change, for the better and visa versa.

Good luck and don't bring this suffering to yourself. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

May I ask a question? Has your wife's husband gone on with his life and married someone else?
I am at this time "Standing" for my marriage even though I am divorced from my husband. He is and has been living with the woman that he was having an affair with when we were still by mans law married. Because I am not letting go of the marriage and am still acting married(not dating, ect)our marriage vows are still intact before God. God called me to stand for my marriage and by God's help I will continue.
I would be better able to form a reply if I knew a few more facts.