ok, here are my attempts at PBL's. There are a few examples of the notable posts thread, will look later and bump it.
first try

2nd try

the second try has advice following it for a couple of pages.

How about:
Your wife,



Okay, so maybe he wouldn't think it was too funny.

I don't think I'd do the "Love," thing myself.
I'd either just put my name or I'd have a game with it, and sign off differently with each correspondence:

Later,
Hasta,
Confused,
Hungrily,
Sleepily,

Whatever suits you at the moment. That way you can be fun and interesting w/o the "guilt trip" of saying "Love," where he feels like he's being tricked or coerced into saying he loves you back.

Great I'll take a look at it, thanks. I just don't want to forget anything and have to come out of the dark and I want to be sure I consider all the super important conditions that need to be met so I don't shoot my own foot off.

So I've sent a few admiration's this week via email and thanking him for different stuff he did over the weekend. I know I'm not supposed to expect anything. He never responds with anything. But boy his angry lost his mind blaming chew out letters were long for sure. Disneyland in 2 more days, really looking forward to it. Goal, have lots of fun and get a hug!

Hey everyone! So I'm needing to vent. I'm not real bad just letting off some steam so I can go on and get some encouragement so I can keep going. Well haven't seen H since he left on Sunday from doing the chores. Daughter talks to him today and says he dad why don't you just spend the night on the couch and then we all can ride down to Disneyland together. She said dad was acting weird.

He replies don't you think that will be hard on your brother? What does that really mean?

My son had a breakdown Sunday night crying and wanting his dad to come home. H called but son was too upset to get on phone. I guess he thinks since he has been around my son may have false hope and he feels responsible?

DD17 say well let us know if you want to. He says Ohhhh Kaaay, talk to you later, kinda said sarcastically. Idk maybe he thinks we're trying to trap him and tell the OW? who knows.

So I feel kinda down. He seemed really good over the weekend, now feel likes he's pulled back. Maybe my thank you's and admiration's emails are too much? He doesn't respond to any of them, not even a your welcome or anything. Not a word. How on earth am I going to meet more of his needs for the next 24 days?

Just feeling like is he easing his conscience by doing the chores and he really doesn't care or have a desire to reconcile. Man this is hard! I have no clue whats going on in his head. He gives no indication of anything, even after the 3 days over the weekend. {{sighs}} 24 more days. So hard guys just having him around is worse than a Plan B to me. It's like look but don't touch or a carrot in front of the donkey. I just want to hold him and him me. Now he hugs her.

So i vented....Focus. Disneyland day after tomorrow.....Breathe....I can do this.

Knock it off, woman. You are already running out to the garden to see if the plants have sprouted. Expect nothing, remember?

My ex told me that he used to lay awake at night thinking of coming home, especially when I was doing a good Plan A.

Yeah, what Believer said.

I sent an appreciative email EVERY SINGLE DAY for 3 months excluding the days we 'stayed over', then I told him when we woke up. He never acknowlege any of them except one morning when i was telling him of an event in the past where his response has always been a chrished memory of mine he asked "Do you have a list of these or something?"

As far as it being hard on your son, I have to admit using the girls to manipulate the situation from time to time. I would have said in the same situation something like "DS would find things much easier if he felt he could have some quality family time with us all. Staying over the odd night would go alone way to reassuring him that his family love him."

As far as him blowing hot and cold, think on the email I sent you yesterday. Even though all of that he was hot and cold and some of them could be minutes apart. 6 months ago he was physically shoving me across the bed if I dared let a body part touch him. Last night I was wrapped up in his arms.

Ignore it, concentrate on you.

You're right guys! I stand corrected and directed. Ok no pity parties, focus back to work and get that list. This is good for me. I already wear my emotions on my sleeve. Gonna be a new day for me either way. Not going to led by my emotions anymore. thanks for the smack guys! What would I do with out you?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

No looking in the garden yet, I need some miracle grow fertilizer for my garden!!! Then my pretty little plants will grow faster...oh wait wrong plants...Ok sorry couldn't resist. Hey at least it made me laugh.

Thanks guys.

Translation:

I hate that my actions are affecting my children. It makes it much harder to pretend like my sordid adultery is really a pink fairy princess happilyeverafter soulmate cloud frolic, and not just a slimy wallow with an amoral porcine homewrecker.

She CAN'T be a slimy wallowing amoral porcine homewrecker, because....because......what would that make ME??????

And if ~shudder~ I actually am forced to SEE the raw bleeding damage to my family, it could ...almost... indicate that what is happening is my fault. But it's not! It's all because of Trying and her inadequacies as a wife. If only she had been a better wife, I wouldn't be here now with the slimy wallo - uh - I mean the pink fairy princess frolicking soulmate, now would I???

Yep, much better to not see anything at all lalalalalalalalala I can't hear you.....................

Oh that was a good laugh, and so creative! Thanks.

Hey, when H leaves on days he comes to visit, should the kids say I wish you didn't have to go or why do you have to go? Or should I be sure the kids keep everything happy since we are in Plan A, so as to not have any bad feelings?

The kids should say what THEY want to say, what is TRUTH for them.

You should neither encourage nor deny.

Oh boy. Having H around and calling more now is really a good thing but the down side is it seemed like my son was able to cope better. Almost an out of sight out of mind thing.

Now that his dad is around he's been having fits of crying at night. 2 nights ago cries and says, mom I don't need anything. I don't need toy or games I just need my dad to come home.

Then ready for this. He just finished talking to his dad and I tucked him in for bed. Son says mom, I know what I want from dad for my birthday(this Sunday). Any guesses? Yup he says I want dad to come home for my birthday. He wants to ask him.

Oh Lord help me. It breaks my heart. I say well son, you are welcome to tell your dad what ever you like but what if he can't give you what you want for your birthday? He says why mom. So i say well maybe if you do ask maybe you should give him time to think, and when we love people we give them some time to think. He says why does he need more time we already waited 5 months mom.

Should I discourage him to ask his dad this? I don't want his dad to feel pressured and i don't want my son to set his self up for disappointment either. I'd just like you all to know that I HATE THIS!! For me to suffer is one thing but it hurts worse when my babies hurt. Good thing is my son started therapy group this week.

Anyways was able to make small conversation with H on phone after son talked to him. We'll talk on the phone tomorrow to nail down meeting place at Disneyland.

I was re-reading my whole thread to be sure I'm getting everything. Some one posted earlier in the thread to see if after Disneyland trying to schedule dinner or something with just the 2 of us. What do you all think about that? I can't imagine it, but I was going to invite him to go to the pumpkin patch with us to get pumpkins for the kids and then see if he wants to come over the day before Halloween to help the kids carve them and maybe have some cider. Trying to think of more reasons for him to come over....

Break some stuff if you have to.



"Really? I can't imagine how those cables could have just fallen out of the engine like that..."

Ewe I like your thinking! Hee Hee I'm so not kidding. I'm gonna do it! Yessssss!

Oh hun,
I am so sorry. 2 weeks before her birthday DD12 was saying her prayers one night and she asked God to "bring daddy back for my birthday please God"
I had to leave the room, it made me cry so much.
He did come back. This is the power of a child's prayer I believe.

I LOVE Neaks suggestion. Is WH any good at electronics? A couple of strategically pulled wires in something like the kitchen whizz, remove the washer in the bathroom tap... I have 2 guys here and they are not being helpful LOL.

Oops, they suggest blocking your drains with a huge wodge of hair and stuffing a handful of leaves in the drain. Break a window. Poke a nail into the car tire. Squirt super glue in the door lock...

I think they're taking the piss out of us

Okay okay okay, whoooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah Nellie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ladeez, I was JUST KIDDING about breaking stuff. You knew that, right????? You're making me think of the nuns in The Sound of Music. :MrEEk:

If you think carefully, you should be able to find enough to ask him to help with that you don't have to resort to committing violence upon your personal possessions, lololol. There must be SOMETHING he can help with...

Also, I was thinking. You've been really regular about sending him daily emails, right? Well, a couple days after Disneyland, skip a day with no word or explanation as to why. You can bet he's grown to depend on those emails, whether he'll admit to liking them or not. An occasional miss will keep him on his toes a bit, cause he'll wonder WHY???

And if you can think of a movie you'd never ever ever go to see and he knows it, or even some sporting event like monster trucks or similar, anything he knows you don't go for, and have a female friend who would go with you, ask him to come over and babysit. He lives so far away it couldn't go late, and you would want your female friend to come and pick you up so there is clear evidence of ZERO wrongdoing, but he will fret anyway. Even if he refuses to babysit, it shows him what a big wonderful expanding life you're making without him.

There, that ought to keep you busy and mayhem free for a few hours.

Oh man I haven't laughed that hard in the morning in a while. I'm sorry so funny....committing violence on your own possessions...LOLOLOL.

Yeah I have been emailing daily, so I'm going to implement that, great idea. Well tomorrow is Disneyland. I am very excited to go actually, the kids and I haven't gone together in a while.

H answered me this morning and he is going to a pumpkin patch with us next Friday and will be coming over the night before Halloween to carve them with the kids. I'll be sure there is cider and his favorite dessert here too. This Saturday is son's game and I should see H again and then This Sunday is my son's actual birthday and he has agreed to come to the house with 3 friends from church to have lunch for Gabriel. Packed weekend.
Next week don't have him schedule to come except for Friday.

So sorry about your son. I used to advise people to tell their children not to worrry because they "have a plan" to bring back the wayward.

However one member told his 4 year old that, and a year later, now that the divorce is almost final, his 4 year old still insists that mom is coming back, because "dad has a plan". It made me cry. So I don't know if that was very good advise.

Awe. Most of the time I tell my son: son I am so glad you are praying for your dad and that your hopeful because that's better than being hateful. I just want you to understand that this is your dad's choice and although we can pray for him God will allow dad to have his free will and own choice so let's just see how it goes but I will always love your dad and you will always have a dad.(Doesn't comfort him much, kids always see the impossible as possible).

I kinda put a disclaimer out on stuff so he won't be upset. Sounds faithless but I just can't bear more pain for my son if I can help it.

Hey what do you guys think. I send him emails, almost daily now and try to include admiration's. I wanted to also address it this time instead of his actual name, a funny name or a pet name that I used to use for him. What do you guys think?

I think it is fine to use a pet name. Make your communication fun and cheery. Let him know what is going on at home, with friends, your kids, just everyday things.

Maybe you can start a project around the house. I went crazy organizing and rearranging things. Two of my friends came over and helped me redo my sun porch with an Asian theme. All it took was some paint and stuff we found at garage sales and second hand stores. My ex noticed and realized that my life was going on without him.

Yes use the pet name.

NO don't commit violence on your possessions - that's manipulative and dishonest (but the ideas were oh, so funny!)

I like the bit about telling your son you can pray but that God allows free will and this is Dad's choice.

One thing I had to learn when I divorced my children's father is to quit making excuses for him. When they wanted to know why Dad didn't show up, or didn't call, or why he forgot something, I had to learn to say: I don't know. That's a question your Dad will have to answer.

Comfort your children but let your WH own the repercussions of his actions.