Short Summary:
married for seven years
she had three long term affairs
separated year and a half ago
OM3 practically moves in with her the following day
divorce was finalized four months ago

Okay, so like all BS know, it's been a tough year. Have spent alot of time on myself and with my son... doing the best I can to heal. I have my ups and downs of course so I haven't really dated much.

Been on three dates over the past year. My XW actually crashed the first one and embarassed the heck out of me. Now she is threatening to sabotage any future attempts to move on.

I have repeatedly asked her to keep conversations to email only and keep the topic to our son only but she doesn't respect that.

When she comes over unannounced to say hi to our son... generally speaking... she is pretty angry and mean to me.

Her life is falling apart and I think she wants me on a leash as a fallback plan. Apparently her relationship with OM3 is fairly rocky (go figure).

Anybody got any suggestions aside from refusing to talk to XW on the phone and refusing to talk to her when she comes to my house? I'm a little wary of having to hide from my XW in my own house. I'm also a little wary of locking her out because my son loves her and I doubt he would accept that plan.

Temporary Restraining Order.

LG

Thank God you have full custody of your son. While he may love and miss his mother, if she's acting like a nut please don't expose your child to this. End all contact until she gets a grip. Get a restraining order for yourself and your son.

Her life is going he//, don't let her take you with her.

If you do not know the phone number then do not pick up the phone.

Doors have locks use them.

Tell XW that when she is to pick up son have her do it at your parent's house. Have your car parked that you can't be blocked in. If she carries on just leave your parent's house and drive home. Have her drop off son at your parent's house.

This way you keep her out of your own home.

Unfortunately I do not have any family members who live in my city... I suppose I could pick a spot like McDonald's or something.

I thought you couldn't get an injunction unless you were afraid of your safety or something to that effect? Is it possible to get one just by saying she is bothering me?

Run it by your lawyer, but you could claim harassment and possibly stalking. How does she know you're on your dates?

Do you have full custody? Do you have a visitation arrangement or a neutral 3rd you can deal with.

My current situation makes it so that I don't have to see my ex at all when it comes to the kids since all pick ups and drop offs are at the daycare. I'm sure she's just as happy to not have to see me as I am to not have to see her. It's a major improvement over our old arrangement where I had to see her regularly.

Could you arrange something like that?

I would also just learn to hang up on her whenever she strays from anything that doesn't deal with your son. That should teach her to limit her conversations to that.

There are companies that are specifically for pick ups and drop offs. You pay a small fee and neither one of you has to see the other.

Move.


I never have to see my XW ever again.

She should not have free access to your house. Change the locks and use them. I agree with others who say this hostility is not good for your DS anyway. Set the rules about drop off/pick ups. Hang up the phone as soon as she talks about anything other than DS. Do not respond to emails on any topic other than DS. She will be upset at first, but as long as you firmly stick to your boundaries, she will eventually learn to respect them. Once she respects them, the hostility will disappear (as you will no longer be permitting her to display it).

Don't talk to her ever again. Not even about your son.

You've got to be a pretty awful mother to lose custody to the father. She's earned the right to be cut off from you two.

Permanently.

She didn't lose custody. She freely gave it to me... just like she freely skips visitation or drops our son off early on her days. I didn't even have a divorce lawyer. She signed papers before the hearing agreeing to me being primary custodian. The judge read the papers in court and asked her, in disbelief, if she truely agreed to this without cohersion.

It seems like she wanted little to restrict her from getting her freak on with OM3.

As if that isn't crazy enough, she is dating OM3 all while wearing my wedding band that she stole from my house... and calling me on the phone to ask when she can move back in... and saying I miss being married... all kinds of crap. When I don't fall for that fogspeak, the following day she turns into evil XW

I always hang up on her when she does this on the phone but when she's at the house it's hard to get her to leave. I don't want my son to see his father physically remove his mother so usually I just walk away or go to another room but I don't like doing that in my own house

The third party pick-up/drop-offs would be hard because of work schedules. Basically I pick my son up and drop him off 90% of the time. She gets off work at like 8:30pm and comes to my house on her nights. I have repeatedly asked her to call from the driveway but she does not respect that request.

Not allowing ANY contact seems like the best option... just MAKE her do the exchange in the driveway.

When I lock the doors, she rings the doorbell and my son answers it and lets her in. My son won't like me enforcing that boundary but I'm the parent.

In reference to moving away, well I'm not going to do that. I'm sick of moving and I like my house.

I sorta knew already to just stop communicating with her altogether... but it's nice to hear somebody else say it.

Get a dog. A bad one.

And never let her in your home again.

Dude - You need to reclaim your manhood. I don't know what state you live in, but most states insist that a parenting plan be filed with the court. I would visit the family court and find out about that.

Your wife needs to have a schedule when she has visitation with her son. And she needs to stick to that schedule.

In the future when you are dating, you don't want her to come waltzing over anytime.

I had sole custody of my sons and exchange of the kids was done in front of the police station. Try that.

If your exW is this disturbed are you comfortable with having your son around her? I wouldn't trust her to exhibit appropriate behavior around your son if she's this loopy. Not showing up on arranged visits can also harm your son. How old is your boy? What does he say about the time he spends or doesn't spend with his mom?

yea i'm working on the manhood thing... admitedly that's a problem. friends say i'm letting her do this to me because negative attention is better than none and i think there is some truth to that. but even wussies like me have breaking points

thought about this for a few hours and what i'm gonna do this weekend is buy one of those deadbolts that require a key to open from the inside and the outside... that way my son wouldn't be able to open the door for his mother and she'd be forced to wait outside in the driveway until my son came out

we have a parenting plan that states she gets them tuesday and thursday nights and every other weekend. she has a schedule, it's just that she doesn't stick to it. sometimes she skips the weekdays altogether and sometimes she just comes over unannounced

ure right though... i need to man up and just keep the dang door locked when she comes over

You sound like a good guy. Please check with the family court about what you can do to enforce the visitation schedule.

Time to stand up for yourself and your son.

It may be hard at first to develope your boundaries, but if you stick to them, your ex will most likely comply.

Yep, put the X in ex-wife. She no longer has any right to have input into your life. When she ended your marriage, she gave up that right.

If she continues the behavior, you'll need to consider cutting her off from your son, too.

No parent is better than a bad parent.

Borderline Woman

Read the entire article and see if you recognize someone.

Best of luck

Brife TJ: This article would have more credibility if it wasn't based around how unfair the system is to men simply because they have financial responsibilities to their children. They did, after all, have a say in the matter when they agreed to have sex in the first place. I'd happily exchange all the health and body function related consequences of pregnancy for simple financial consequences. And it's only been recently that paternity could be proven and financial responsibilities imposed. Historically, women have suffered greatly due to irresponsible dads, and they didn't need to have a borderline personality to fit this category. I didn't receive CS from my first XH who was not only the father of my DS by marriage and biology but was named on his birth certificate. Deadbeat dad laws are still fairly new and there are ways to beat them.

TJ over - back to the original topic.