I have talked to her about the paternity test but she said that she doesn't want to get it done till she has the child. Something about it can be harmful in certain instances to have it done while she is carrying the child. I really do not want to wait 8 months to know. I need to sell a car so I have the cash on hand get a proper attorney to file the papers. Could she refuse to wait till she has the child to get the test?

Was having a god day until I looked at the clock and realized that she got off of worked half an hour ago. So just to know that she will be with him the evening and most likely spend the night is hard. I know that I need to leave her but it is still hard and then it is worse knowing that she is still unfaithful. Are they any details that I should know about before seeing the lawyer?

Yes its more risky while still in the womb. I had to wait for my first with my current wife till after. It sucked especially having to tell family that there was doubt etc. They still rememeber that even though the baby was mine. Doctors usually would advise against but it is done at times.

Had pretty rough night. Never fun knowing that you spouse(even if you know you need them out of your life) is over the the OM's house. Wish it was as easy for me as it is for her. She was able to just forget everything and leave. Any idea why night and early mornings are the worst? Might it be because we are alone? I think that has a lot to do with it. I know once I get to work and get around my friends there I begin to feel a lot better. How do the people that end up totally alone in a house do it? I know that moving back to my parents basement while very humbling at 23 was the best move. Just to be around my family and to have that love there I know has saved me from a lot of pain and suffering.

I was talking with my dad yesterday about divorce. How I used to look down at people who had it under their belt like they were failures, but now I know first hand from meeting all of you that a lot of good people get in a bad situation that they cannot control.

So funny as soon as I begin typing this I slowly start to feel better. I did get very bitter last night. When my wife came back a month ago after 2 and half months with OM... I was so close to being over her. Now I feel like I have taken so many steps backward. Just hope I can find somebody to buy my second car up real quick so I can finance the divorce. Well I need to get going to work. I am sorry if anybody was bored after reading this and wants their time back, just feels good to know that some people are following my story and want to help me out.

Khuck, I am sorry you are in such pain, but understand completely. It won't always be like this. But it would always be like this if you stayed with her. Can you imagine living like this all your life? You show great strength of character with your decision.

And you are right, divorce does not mean failure. The definition of success in some marriages IS divorce. There are some marriages that are so bad, that it would be a failure to stay in them.

So, hang in there and I promise you it will get better. You will look back on this some day from the future, and thank God you had you the fortitude to take a different fork in the road.

I'm mildly bipolar myself so I can relate to the up and down thing however I actually think I agree with others here.

She's not in treatment and she is apparently not on meds or she doesn't take them.

Being non med compliant to me is a deal breaker for someone who is bipolar. Especially someone who knows they are.

You cannot force her to get help or stay medicated unfortunately.

Putting up with repeated affairs and all of this drama is just uncalled for.

My father married a woman like this, and what Melody says is true - it WILL damn you and your children to a life of helll. DO NOT do this to yourself or your future children. You (and they) deserve better.

Be sure you get checked out by a doctor too. Lots of people with BPD are promiscuous when they're in the manic phase - and it sounds like your WW is that way as well. You don't want to run the risk of catching something.

Absolutely, I forgot to mention this.

Thanks for all the words of wisdom and encouragement. Ya I got checked out as soon as I first found out about the A when it was still an EA. Took measure to protect myself after that but maybe I should schedule an appointment just to be sure. I know that I WILL be better off without my wife in my life but I just keep thinking if I do this or do that she can get better and we can work and yada yada yada. But that is the same thinking that got me where I am today.

It was a rough day knowing the she has the day off of work and driving by where he works on my way home and seeing he wasn't there. SIGH Sometimes I almost wish I was the one who had the A. Then I wouldn't have to go through this he!!. But I know that what I am dealing with now will be nothing compared to what she will endure even if it takes until she stands in front of God and has to answer for her action I know that all will be taken care of.

Just so sick of the emotional roller coaster. At least the up drastically outweigh the downs in quantity and quality. Getting used to it but that has a lot to do with this being our 4th split since June. Glad that it will be the last but I just wish I didn't know where or when they worked or where she is living. Always tempted to go she if she is at home or if he is at work or this or that. Not being able too check would be easier I think. I have the address of the OM parents and ex-wife and have been thinking of writing them letters explaining just what type of people they both are and the circumstances involving their relationship. Dunno though maybe I will just keep focusing on me and let them lie in their bed.

Just got a text message from the wife that made my day. It is funny how God uses random meetings between people to do His work. Sunday night after I dropped off the MB articles I ran into an old friend on the drive back home. We pulled to the side of a 4 lane highway and started chatting about stuff and of course me and the wife came up. Soon a city cop stopped by to see if everything was all right. We said that it was and then heasked what was so important that we had to talk on the side of a freeway. I told him that I was having marriage problems. he said that he was to and that he was on his way to the local diner for his lunch break and invited us along. We chatted about our situations told him about the MB site and left to go home.

Well it turns out that the cop has been follow the OM to and from work and patrolling around his house. Then this morning pulled him over for a seatbelt check. I guess the OM start yelling and got to visit the county lock-up. My wife is pissed wanting to know how I got the cops working for me. LMAO

Here is the kicker though, she claims that her and OM are getting a PPO against the whole Police Department. The funny things that the fog makes them do or say should be put in a thread. So that is making my day better but it still sucks to know I need to go to plan D

I completely understand your line of thinking when you say "well if I did this, or if she just got on medication, things would get better." For YEARS I thought that about my mother. What I learned is you have to accept the situation for what it is right now. It's painful, I know....but you can't live your life "well, what if"....I had to finally cut my VERY dysfunctional/abusive parents out of my life - and although at first it was the hardest and most painful decision I'd made at that point in my life, it was also the best. You may come to see that at some point too. Your life will quiet down and you'll have a peace that you haven't had in a long time. It hurts like he** right now, but it won't always, I promise.

You sound very intelligent and very caring. There's a lucky girl out there just waiting for someone like you. Hang in there and take care of yourself.

Broken

Its is so wierd that you talked about PEACE. My mom and I were talking about that at breakfast today. When she took off for the 2 and a half months and then when she left over the weekend there is no way to describe it but peace. my mom said that the family even noticed the lack of drama. It hurts and really sucks but it is for the best. It feels so good to have that drama out of my life and to see the results so quickely. just hope that the rest of the day and the week go as good.

Yeah, when you're in the middle of the drama, you kind of get used to it and don't notice it as much until it's gone. My life has been MUCH more stable and peaceful without my mother's drama. I know it's a different sitch, but it was really painful for me for a couple years, but it has gotten easier. MUCH easier, in fact. I came to realize that my mother CHOOSES to stay sick, just as your stbxw does. It's actually better for her for you to step out of the way and let the chips fall where they may. It may prompt her to get the help she needs, it may not, but at least you won't be getting battered by the storm she calls life.

Well another night survived. There are by far the worst. Been doing a whole lot of thinking and still enjoying the emotional roller coaster. When I first found this site somebody posted a link to the this website that has helped me a lot. So I just wanted to share it.

http://forums.healthcentral.com/discussion/bipolar/forums/a/tpc/f/2651085/m/75710961

My STBXW and me fit this mold at about 90 percent. Just so scary that when a person with BPD refuses to get help how similar they all turn out. I just keep thinking about our first year and a half when everything was so good and it looks so attainable but deep down I know that it could and never would happen. I would like to apologize for stealing somebodies link with out credit but I can not remember who posted it and do not feel like searching(cardinal sin on forum usage).

WOW what a day can bring. I am having a terrible day. Everything that can go wrong has gone wrong. I work as a shipping clerk and we had our FedEx reps in for lunch they brought pizza and after lunch we were all just sitting there talk and I started to get light headed so I leaned back in my care thinking it would pass and the next thing I know everybody is kneeling over me asking me if I am ok. I kinda remember them trying to set me up and then the next I recall is laying on the other side of my chair. My boss freaks out and calls 911. SO then our company emergency medical team gets there and starts checking me out and then the EMT's get there all 5 of them. By know I swear everybody living in a 50 mile radius is in the shipping office just looking at me. I get the whole works cause when I passed out I feel out of my chair and popped my head real good on the floor. So of course they had to use a neck brace and a back board and then the put that on a stretcher with with SEAT BUCKLES. Then right about then my mom gets called down(she works as an accountant at the same company) She sees me and begins to freak out.So they are wheeling me out in front of everybody. I never want to go back to work. I will never hear the end of it.

The hospital could not find anything wrong. They did a EKG a CAT scan and some blood work but everything came back normal. My mom told them that I was going through marriage problems but they thought that stress would cause this as long as I was eating. So the released me. I am kinda scared hoping that it is not anything serious but just some random thing with my body or food or something.

Of course going through that makes you miss the close companionship of a spouse. So I knew that she had a dr's appointment for the baby so I texted her to see how it went and I kinda slipped and told her I missed her. She hasn't answered but I am just a wreck right now. Big ole head ache and scared about health. Missing my STBXW a whole lot. Oh what a day.

Oh it is such misery. Spending time in the ER and being scared that nothing is totally wrong. It just reminds you on how lonely you really are. I just want to call her. Just want to say hi. Just want to try and work things out. Just want to confess my eternal undying love. Why did I marry such a loser and selfish *****? funny how one little fall can make you realize just how much you hate your life just hours after you are so sure that you are making the right choice. If she came back right now I would so just cave right in and be her doormat again. I hate myself for saying that but I know I would. I just hate being lonely and I miss her and her smile and she makes problems seem so trivial. Oh I am gonna hate how pathetic and needy I am tonight.

Well I just did what I knew I would. My STBX called wanting to know if I had some documents that she needed. I lied and said no. She then went on to ask me how I was doing. AND I lost it right there. Went right back to the person I am trying not to be. So she is gonna talk about trying to give it another shot. I have talking to her mother about her bi-polar condition and she said that she is more stable right now. Going from history she will be fairly normal for the next 3 to 10 months.

I want her to stand me up tonight. I mean I still kinda want to be with her. I just need somebody to slap me into reality or to tell me to go for it.

Could you be addicted to the drama yourself?

I hate the drama. It is much more likely that I am drawn to the companionship and har physical features. The drama is not always there but just certian parts of the BPD cycle. I mean right now the is no need for her to have the drama.

Like I said I probally need to be slapped. Just the fact alone the her body, fear of loniness, and our past keep me putting up with her crap. I know that loving a person that is Bi-polar is had to explain and comprhend. I knew she had it when I married her so I will not use it as an out. I just hate the fact that an "unpure" love or I guess lust and fear keep me with her on certain portions of the stupid cycle. I know that very few Bi-polar's are able to control it and be able to have a normal healthy relationship but I really do love me wife. Yes you can easily say that I am a doormat or I enable her lifestyle. What if moving on is the wrong thing to do? What if this is where God wants me? Maybe I just want to be here with her body? I am so lost and really need some dirrection or a guide.

You said earlier that you enjoy the highs right? Or am I wrong??

The problem is when you have the highs that person can be extremely irritable right? Then, you have the lows.

I question if you're addicted to the drama for a reason.

My mother suffered from a personality disorder. I suffered abuse of every kind in my childhood. Once she died, suddenly my life was free from drama. But in a wierd way I missed it and didn't know how to function without it. I started creating drama of my own although I wasn't aware of it. It's taken me a few years to find out that I was causing part of my own problems and that it's peaceful not to have drama.

So, if you're not going to use the bipolar as an out how far are you willing to go??? What are your boundaries as far as this is concerned??

For me one would be that she get in the care of a good Pdoc (prescribes) and a good T doc (talk therapy) and that she is med compliant, period. That would be the only way I would consider a reconcillation with her but that's just me.