I can't wait for the day that I can wake up and not think of WH....

I have improved these last few months in that I don't cry about him much anymore so hopefully the next step is to not think about him anymore.

One of the reasons I think it would be good for me to have a guy in my life is so that I will not have WH on my mind..a distraction if you will!!!

I can't believe I still want WH back when he causes me so much heartache....

I don't understand how doing things on your own is supposed to help you?

I did lots of stuff alone, though I didn't want to at first. Learning to enjoy your own company is a step towards becoming healthier. All my life I had been someone's wife, someone's mother, someone's employee. I was really into pleasing others. And actually, that worked just fine for me.

When I was FORCED to do things on my own, I hated it at first, but gradually began to treasure solitary time.

You will get there too.

And chances are EXCELLENT that you won't spend your life alone. It just takes some time. At first you will compare any other men to your husband, but after awhile you get over that too.

I used to long to talk to my ex. Now when he calls it is kind of like talking to someone from the past. Sometimes he leaves a message and I don't get around to calling him back. It is just a feeling of indifference.

I was doing well these last few months too. Thoughts of him weren't constant.

I wasn't even here on the boards much.

Then finding out about the M to OW, and that put me in a tailspin!

Yeah I think if I had someone else in my life I wouldn't think about him as much, but I don't want a rebound relationship either.

Marriage to the other woman would throw anyone off. That is everyone's worst nightmare. But the chance of it working is almost 0%.

My ex and OW broke up because they didn't trust each other. At first everything is lovey-dovey, but that ends. Your ex will be with her just like he was with you. That is what is so wonderful about affairs. The OW in my life got a good taste of him and dumped him.

And when it happens, don't expect to be thrilled, because then you start being angry thinking what a HUGE waste it all was.

I urge you to get busy comforting yourself, painting your home, and shutting them out of your life. The more you deny yourself a wonderful life, the more power you are giving them over your future.

A rebound relationship is a big possibility. When I first started going out, it was just for companionship.

But Believer,

PLEASE explain to me one thing...

They were living together for almost 3 years !!!

I would imagine during that time she got a good taste of him and liked it enough to marry him or vice versa.

Guess that is what is giving me the most trouble accepting this all and moving forward.

They say A's end when the novelty wears off and reality sets in.

They've had reality now and the day to day cr@p of paying bills and mundane stuff for 3 years. It didn't deter them.

That's why I have a hard time thinking it will ever end.

Catgirl,that is my thoughts exactly...

In my case,they have this new venture that will add a new spark to their relationship...its always been WH's dream to have his own business...I think he will be thinking..."THS IS A NEW START TO MY LIFE..NEW WOMAN,NEW JOB.."away with the old and in with the new......

In the past he told me they worked well together.....when he was her boss...

The difference now will be that its WH's money they playing with i.e.if OW messes up anywhere in the business,it will affect WH directly.....its his money...

My ex and the OW lived together for 3 and a half years. They seemed to be completely happy. Then they ended the affair.

Believer,I know you have said before that this loan would lengthen the affair and I understand that.....

I know this is a hard question to answer but how long do you think I should hold out for this affair to end ..if at all?
I always thought our boys would be a major factor in him coming home...but its nearly 2 years and he seems to have accepted being able to live apart from them.I found it hard to believe that he would put OW above his own kids...THAT angers me terribly..
I am slowly improving mentally and emotionally...its a battle preventing myself from getting bitter and twisted,but I feel very strongly NOT to let myself go there..will do me no good.

Well, the Harleys suggest not dating for a year. That is the best course. You need time to heal, and it won't be fun.

Thanks for your answer...I assume thats a year from the date of divorce?

I've often wondered if I did start seeing someone now would it prevent WH from coming back if he was thinking along those lines?You know,men and their ego!!!

If that was the case WH wouldn't be worth having back IMO...

If you starting seeing someone else, YOU would most likely not want hubby back.

Sorry Believer, I just wanted to thank you for explaining "gentleman caller".

Hope, Mrs Imagine has prompted me to leave ladies to chat amongst ladies.

I think she is right too.

I have tried to encourage her to give input as her story is relevant to your circumstances. So far, she's not biting.

I do bow out for now. God Bless.

Imagine,I do understand your wifes concern,its always interesting to have a guys perspective though.
I hope you pass by from time to time to say hi and please let me know when your books finished!

Believer,I do realise that will happen and its quite sad.....at the same time one can't hold on forever to something that might never change.....

Also,I'm not getting any younger!LOL

But Believer,

Your ExH and OW were living together for 3.5 years. They weren't M'd. I think once a marriage comes into play, there's more commitment obviously. I would imagine ExH wouldn't want to revisit the D thing again.

I think ExH and OW will work VERY hard to make it last and that's something I have to learn to deal with...somehow

Wow, that is exactly where I am right now. After finding out that WH has moved back to town, I'm sick. If my DD is right, OP got another BF and dumped him. Not 100% sure if that is true but it appears that something happened. I'm just sick thinking that the ripping apart of our family, the financial devesatation, the loss of our growing old together etc. was all a total waste.

Hi Imagine,

I'm the one just catching up.

Use the money to buy my children food and clothes b/c WH would rather spend it on OW than make sure his children are fed properly.

After that, I would put it away with the hope that one day WH would figure this out and come home.

And then selfishly. I would buy fabric for the quilt I want to make that will signify my journey.

And lastly, I would get the best, most agressive A I could find and take this man to the cleaners provided he stayed the WH. And he would walk away shaking his head b/c he would have lost the best thing he ever could possibly have in life. The wife who would have stuck by him even when he threw her away for the crack addict with hep c that has been rode hard and put away wet.

Chai,

That's how the men around WH describe her. They can't believe he is with her.

He wouldn't touch me, but he would leave his family for her.

My EGO, took a bruising on this one.

Chailover,what are you going to do about your WH?Are you going to make contact with him or are you well and truly done with him?

Queenie, I'm sure deep down your WH knows his affaired-down. You can hold your head up high.....

Update:

Yesterday afternoon WH bought DS18 home after spending the weekend there.DS15 came with for the ride as he is staying with WH till Wednesday.
I took a medical bill out to WH who was sitting in his car.

I asked him how he was etc....then asked him if he had checked his e-mail.He said he had read my sisters letter but he doesn't understand whats going on...will leave it with his lawyer.I then CALMLY(I don't suffer fools easily...big problem with me as I can come across as arrogant....didn't want to LB!!)..explained the situation to him and he understood,he was cross with his lawyer...

We agreed that each of us would do the necessary paperwork in order for loan to proceed.WH told me he was in overdraft and he REALLY needs the money..blah,blah

I told him I was sorry but I was not the cause of this.He agreed.
Jokingly I said "you can always come home and end this..think about it."He replied OK!!!
Nearly floored me...
He said he would phone me when he had the cession form for me.....

Later in the evening,my friend(mom of DS18's bf)texts me saying "do you know OP and WH are moving house".I ask DS18 who says he has known for a month and didn't want to upset me...OP has been staying in a government house in a forestry reserve....the houses are only meant for government employees but when she divorced, a friend got her the house temporarily but she got forgotten about.The rental is minimal too.
So,DS18 says they are moving at the end of the month and dad is BUYING a house.I got on the phone to WH and calmly told him I knew about him buying a house..so what was his deal telling me he will think about us!!!
He quickly replies his not buying only renting,but the owner does want to sell it,they have a 6 month lease renewable for another 6 months.NOTE:the estate agent is a friend of OP'S!!!
I asked him if he still wants to think about us he said YES.I say don't say this thinking I won't give you the loan otherwise,cos I will, regardless....


Today:

WH phones me at work early this morning to say he has necessary form...BTW he's very polite and sweet.....he says he will bring it to the house this afternoon.....I agreed to fax my I.D document to his lawyer so the loan can proceed.

Hour later he phones me all sweet saying the bank need me to release the hold I had put on the bond account last year.I agree to meet him at bank after work ,1pm

We arrive at bank,and as usual in this country,nothing runs smoothly so basically WH has to wait 2 days for his money....WH was very stressed....
We leave bank together and he apologizes for wasting my time..I say wasn't a waste of my time.I say his welcome to join us for supper at a steakhouse on Wednesday as its DS15 birthday.....I joked and said I'm paying...he said thanks he will let me know.I did the admiration thing a bit asking about his business...spoke a bit about kids....I then said the following...
I asked him if he was considering us...he said yes...I said please don't say it for the sake of saying it.He shook his head....I said I understand he will feel obligated to OP and her kids as she will have no car,no money and no job BUT his kids are more important.He quickly agreed.I said I understood that the business was foremost on his mind so no pressure.....He had a pitiful look on his face.....
We said our goodbyes and I asked for a hug,he hesitated and said no......I could only try LOL

As you can see I'm doing my own thing ......I feel all is lost anyway....can only try.
P.S I thought he would say outright that he won't come with for supper on DS15's birthday as he will have DS15 with him till wednesday morning!! Still don't think he will come!!!
I have to take DS18 to the doctor now,will be back later .....