Found out about two moths ago that H was having an affair with a co-worker at that time he moved out to live with her, that only lasted for a week before he agreed to fix our marriage and moved back in. He was here for a month when I found out he was still talking to her unnecessarily - to this day I'm still not sure if anything else was going on. I thought I had a pretty tight reign on him at the time but who knows. At this time I was so sick of all the lies that I invited her over to our home and we had a three way confrontation that wasn't really productive because he was still lying to her as to not lose her. Kicked him out for the second time. A little more than a week later we again decided to give it another try except I wouldn't let him move back in, he moved in with a mutual friend of ours who is right across the parking lot from our apartment.

Things were ok for a couple of days but then he started this game of going back and forth about who he wants to be with. I'm ashamed to say I've done a lot of begging for him not to leave me. Last night was the first time I had been to MB and read an article about how when the H is love with the other woman it's an addiction which I totally agree with. Not only do I not want to lose H, or take the kick to the pride that being left for another woman could cause, I really don't think that their relationship will work or is very healthy - just skimming the surface she has a drinking problem. H has mentioned testing to see if they work, then if they don't trying to get me back. I laughed at him.

I love H very much. We are relatively young I'm 24 he's 26. We've been married almost 3 years, we have a little boy who is closing in on 18 months (WOW! time flys!)Our relationship was definitely different once I got pregnant, because once I had what I wanted I stopped taking care of his need for sex and that continued until I found out about the affair. Again I'm ashamed to admit that since finding out about the affair our sex life had improved - to me it was an effort to show him that things could be fixed, and change. I know I'm not suppose to feel like it's my fault but I can't help feeling responsible for encouraging his actions when I wasn't taking care of his number one need for sex. Not that there isn't plenty of things wrong with our relationship without the affair, but I feel like if I had taken care of that need we wouldn't be standing here.

Which is having just found out that the OW is pregnant. And again H gets the choice of who he is going to be with because we both want him. I have a little bit of guilt for wishing she would miscarry or have an abortion or even give the child up for adoption, but I'm not holding out hope that any of that will happen. I told H that I could deal with this child being in our life. But I'm not convinced. Despite all his short comings I don't think H could turn his back on the child and I'm not sure I would want him to. And if I asked, that could be the kindling for resentment.

So I guess my concern is if she has this child and he decides to stay with me he is still going to have contact with OW, so how can the addiction cycle be broken so that we can fix our marriage and stay together. How do I trust that when he goes to see the baby there isn't something else going on. I'm in conflict because my head and heart want different things.

Prior to finding out about the affair we had just started marriage counseling and things have stalled a little bit with this back and forth bs. However another dilemma is that I don't think the counselor is right for us, but I'm limited in my choices because we don't have the money to pay for counseling and the guy we see accepts our state medical coverage.

Welcome to the Board Morgan.

I am so very sorry that you are here. I tottally understasd where you are coming from and the pain that you feel. Your situation is not unique as others on the board hava gone though this type of A including myself.

A little bit about me so you understand that I comprehend the difficulty of the situation. I was married in Sep. of 07 and found out in May that an EA(Emotional Affair) had been going on since Aug at this time she kept switch between me and OM(Other Man). She came back 5 weeks ago saying she was knocked up and no idea who that dad was. We tried to fix it but all she want to do was pretend nothing was wrong. Well she could never get out of the fog and left again for OM.

I am not a vet member but the first thing they would say is to expose the A to his family, her family, and if she is married or dating then to that man as well. This will piss him off but it is so necessary. As a younger adult and still a newly wed you don't want anybody to know about this but he will try and play both sides, AND YOU CAN NOT FIX YOUR MARRIAGE TILL THERE A HAS BEEN STOPPED.

As to the the decision to be part of the OC's life is really up to you. It is very difficult and harder than you can imagine, but it can be done. Every time your H smiles at the OC it will eat you up. If it is smarter or better at sports than your child it will feel like a slap against you and will cause you to feel inferrior to the OM. It is hard but has been done.

Again welcome, you came to the right place. Remember you need to bring the A to light.

And, it needs to be exposed at work, too.

You may also want to post on the General Questions II or recovery boards. They can help you deal with exposure and recovery issues. There are a number of people around who have dealt with OC issues.

Was the OW a co-worker? Then you so have to tell their co-workers. I am posting with my phone, eating breakfast with my STBXW's grandparents and chatting up sports. Gotta love a day off.

And another issue is to get checked out by a doctor to make sure your husband didn't bring any thing home with him. It sucks but you need to make sure that you still are healthy.