Hi all,

Today I am having a really badly triggering day. I just can't believe he had an A. I just want to cry for the whole day, I want to know WTF was going on in his f-ing head. 5 f-ing sexual in counters, why not once and then come to your senses, why not none and talk you true feelings, gosh.

I am thinking of calling/emailing him and telling him the day I am having and I wish he could come home for a few minutes. Would that be a good idea?
He deosn't work that for. But knowing him, especially since he is making up time, he wouldn't. He just doesn't think of comforting and reasuring ways. He would see me looking 'in a bad mood' and not confront me. Why? Because he knows why I am 'in a bad mood'. He always knows why I am in a bad mood so doesn't ask anything. I did have a discussion to him about that though. He actually doesn't think at times to come and comfort, WTH.

How 'happy' do we have to be? I haven't mentioned anything about the A since Sat.

Today is just not my day.

Sorry you are here, and I understand exactly what you are saying. We often see here that the wayward wanting to just pretend like it never happened. We all wish it never had. But it did...

Marriage is leaning on each other when times get tough. In fact he should be trying every way in the world to help you through this, not avoiding it to keep him from feeling bad. He CHOSE to do this, he must CHOOSE to help fix it. It is not your problem, it is both your problems. It will never work with him helping you.

I am so sorry your having such a bad day. I completely understand where you are coming from. I have known for about 2 months about my H's A & OC. I have found that I can cry and rant and rave to my hearts content and push my husband farther away or I can deal with those emotions a little more everyday. My husband does a good job meeting my needs if I am not an emotional wreck.

My feelings resemble yours GREATLY. Try thinking about the positive things. He CHOSE to come back to you.

I hope your day goes better and I wish there was something I could say to help you.

hurting

He did come home, he just left a few minutes ago. I didn't tell him all that was going through my mind, just that it was really bad today. He did say the 'It will get better' line, not sure how sincere it was, as he is not that great in that area so maybe it was hard for him. I will tell him later tonight or tomorrow(as he has school tonight) what I was thinking. He couldn't stay long though, he brought home some food(we just moved two days ago) and he said they cut it wrong 3times so that messed things up. It was still nice that he actually did come though.

I am sorry you are having a hard day...mine was last weekend. My H doesn't deal well with my emotions and I find it makes things harder when I lay them on him. I agree what the previous poster said, "he created the situation, he needs to help fix it" but right now I'm not getting that help from my H. Most people step up to the plate a little better if they know what it is that you explicitly want from them (I need a hug right now, etc.) but a lot of times men don't know what to do when they see us as emotional basket cases, whether they caused it or not.
I think we need to have a balance between being honest with them and not dwelling on the past...it's very hard to get through and you're only two months out, that's really hard...I'm four months out and that's hard enough! I hope you get to feeling better!

In a nutshell, yes, I tell my FWH what's a trigger for me. He's asked me to specifically tell him what he can do to help me, and I told him. Men naturally want to "fix" things, talking about emotions just for the sake of thinking out loud (like we women do), is generally foreign to them. They need to hear "I need you to do x."

I've found what works with my FWH is "I'm having a hard time today, could you give me a hug?" That way you're telling them specifically what they can do to "fix" it, and you get to feel supported.