So Yep, I'm new to this. Not sure if this is even going to be posted in the right spot. So here is my short story. Marriage has been struggling for about a year. H and I are not good at letting feelings out and of course I was the one (WW)? to fall in love with a co-worker. I am attending a MC with H and she has got to have the worst advice in the world. Actually advised me to move in with the OM? OMG. Didn't like the advice and searched the internet and found this page.

SO first of all thank god you people are out there. I have read all the rules and postings and have gotten better advice in here than anyway else. I am understanding the "fog" that I am in and have explained to H the withdrawal period that is going to take place. I asked the OM YESTERDAYto quit talking, txt me so I can move on. Big step for me seeing is how I am still in love with him but know I need to be rational about this and am making the right decision.

So I think I am on the right track and am wondering how I can speed the process of getting him out of my head. I think about him all the time still and don't want to "fall off my horse". Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Still learning the abbreviations in here.
WW: (me?) 28
H: 29
no kids
married for 4.5 years
had an affair (mostly emotional) for about 1.5 months

I'm no expert but I think you have to leave your job. Try reading the list of 'extraordinary precautions' necessary in order to cut contact. You are doing the right thing but you will have to be strong.

Are you still working with OM? Then the situation is likely not going to change until that changes.

You have to quit your job and establish NO CONTACT.


Lose the attitude. Love is a choice not some 'feeling'.


"Mostly emotional"? I hope you don't pull that BS with your husband? Don't belittle him with that crap. That's just a lame excuse to try and make yourself feel better. Either you had a physical affair or you didn't!

Jersey, I am in the same boat(see stuckinthemud needs help-almost ww). I am establishing nc this weekend and my biggest fear is not being able to get om out of my head. Do you and h have time to spend together? For me, that is huge. If I can spend time with h I find I don't focus on the fantasies of om. All the best.

Your first step is NO CONTACT....NO CONTACT....NO CONTACT. This includes working together at the same company. There is NO other way. You need to find anothe job TODAY. YOu need to write a NO Contact letter to the OM, with your H's help, letting him revise in any way, telling the other OM that you will not ever have any contact with him for life.

NO CONTACT FOR LIFE is the only way.



Stop seeing that MC now. This is not a MC that is marriage friendly. You need to find an MC that specializes in marriage or call the Harleys and make an appointment for a phone session.

When I looked for an MC, I looked for one that has a PHd and specialized in Marriage. He's excellent and follows a lot if the MB Principles.

Jersey

Glad you found here. You need to go NC with the OM. That means that you will have to leave your job, ASAP.

I can believe the bad advice from your MC to go move in with the OM. Did she say this in front of your BH? What were her reasons?

Your BH may not say anything about your continued working with the OM, but it is tearing at him the way the OM is tearing at you because of continued contact.

I cannot leave my job am a private forester, but I can CHOOSE who I hire. The OM was a logger of mine on a job, so my NC is by not hiring him furthermore. Am looking for an opening with a log mill as we speak so trying my hardest for the NC.

The quality time spent with my H helps. THis was a major component of why are marriage was struggling. We are both work-aholics so we kind of took that part for granted. He knows I am in the withdrawal period and he is being supportive, and also gives me a first date every night so its kind of fun. I'm not going to lie do I think about the OM...yup. But I'm just starting this. I also have this wonderful (or not so much) family that gives me a guilt trip about my OM and so this helps out my grieving process for him.

My H still feels he is partly to blame, I found his email open one day well before my OM ever came into the picture, having a subscription to a singles website. That made me blow a gear. So we struggle at quite a bit at the moment. Am hoping our marriage will survive.