http://www.sharischreiber.com/anycost.html

That article was basically the story of our marriage. Thanks for sharing.

It's further evidence that I just plain need to stop talking to my XW altogether.

I thought the article was about women who intentionally get pregnant to entrap a man. It's awfully early in the morning, though.

It is. But it reads as though every unplanned pregnancy is one of these. Aside from the fact that most are as equally unplanned by the woman as the man, unless she held a gun to his head, he took the risk when he unzipped his pants regardless of what her intentions were.

The article that I linked goes into a bit more detail... the one origianlly linked just shows how the BPD woman/narcissitic guy's relationship often starts... with entrapment

on a side note, last night I was successful in having my son go with his mom without having to see her. this is a good thing for me because I don't like being yelled at but a bad thing for the XW because she likes her opportunities to cut me down

whenever I have cut her off from these opportunities in the past, what she does is try harder to get under my skin the next day so that I will react and contact her. so around a half hour ago when she called my cell, I didn't answer and just like clockwork she left the following message:

Basically she said she is not picking up our son tonight (this is her scheduled weekend) and will pick him up instead Saturday morning. She did this because she knows that I probably have plans for tonight and she wants to screw them up and she wants me to call and complain. Also, she said I can pick up my child support check if I stop by her work. In other words, if you don't call to complain about messing up your Friday night plans, maybe you will contact me to get the child support that I haven't given you for three weeks.

Looks like I will be watching the Rays game at the house tonight and picking up my child support on Saturday morning. If I call to complain about her messing up my plans, it will just make me angry and her happy.

Charlie,

There's a statement in my agreement that says that if I show up late to pick my kids up on my weekends that I lose the entire weekend.

You need to file for a modification of custody have her give you sole physical and legal custody and have it so that it says that if she doesn't pick up her son on her scheduled nights and weekends that she loses the night and the weekend.

It is bad for your son to get excited about seeing Mom only to be shot down.

My kids know I get them on Fridays just as they knew I would get them on Wednesdays. It never changed and it was dependable and like clockwork.

You need to have it written or amended to say that if she doesn't get your son she loses the whole weekend.

It's tough on you since you won't have any weekends to have your own life, but that's the price you pay for parenthood.

I'm prepared to be a single dad without a relationship for a long, long time. It's ok. My kids come first and no other woman matters as much as them and my weekends and time with them.

Your son will be grown up and a teen soon enough. He'll want to go over to friends houses and be out on weekends before you know it. Enjoy the time you have with him while it lasts and cherish those weekends. Take him to ball games (soccer is cheap and a lot of fun) or the sport of your choice. Go to the arcade with him. Take him to batting cages or camping or to play paint ball.

There's tons to do with your kids. Do it while you can.

Women can wait (though I understand the desire to have one in your life).

But your son will be grown up before you know it and he will cherish the time you gave him when he looks back.

Terrific post.

You have every right to tell her if she doesn't pick him up as per custody (Friday night) then she can wait until her next visitation to see him. Stop letting her walk over you!

yea i agree and i should look into legal action

take last night for example... my son called her work to find out when she was coming to get him and her co-worker told my son she had been gone for an hour. so he called her cell phone and she said she was on the way... an hour after that she finally showed up

two nights ago was her birthday. she came over unannounced after my son had gone to bed. he heard her at the door and got up. she told him she was going to take him to Epcot with her [censored] boyfriend this weekend... then last night she said she wasn't sure she could afford it. XW hasn't been paying child support but she might have money for Epcot? Think she just said that because she knows I don't like my son around OM3. But I didn't say a dang thing aside from the fact that it was past my son's bedtime and that it was time for her to go

one of my primary problems with legal action is cash... when she walked out of our lives my salary got stretched. i'm about to borrow off retirement and start school at a police academy soon and money will be even more tight

need to inquire if i could do a modification like this pro se

for the record, my son always comes first. we do tons of stuff together and while it's an inconveinance to change adult plans to accomodate my XW's tendency to drop him off early or skip visitation... I freely make the changes

still... it's nice to have adult time too

Cymanca hit the nail on the head. That article was GREAT!

Have you noticed that almost EVERYONE here sees that she is unreasonable? And that there are actions you can take? But because of your relationship with her, you are allowing her to run you over? I suggest that YOU get some counseling to sort this out.

When you find another love, your ex will try to ruin THAT relationship. Get this sorted out NOW.

Heck I see her as unreasonable as well... just refer back to the title. I know I am allowing her to do this and that's why I asked for help by coming here.

I have this thing where it takes like 50 2x4s to get a message to sink in... I'm well into the hundreds of 2x4s from the XW range now.

I can't really afford legal action involving lawyers or counseling for that matter other than DivorceCare groups which I have attended and are free... and talking to friends of course

Everybody... including many of y'all... are saying cut this woman out of your life and stop enabling her... stop letting her bother you

It's taken me a loooooong time but believe me the message is clear and I am doing the best I can.

There's father's rights groups that can provide legal advice for an up front fee and they help you represent yourself.

My experience in seeing lawyers in action is that they file documents and make common sense arguments to a judge who then makes a decision.

I think that representing yourself is not out of the question for a simple modification that states that if she doesn't show up at the designated time that she loses her weekend.

I also have a clause in my current arrangement which forbids either my ex or I to enter each other's homes or cars without the other's permission.

Does your son go to daycare?

I'd set it up so that the pickups and drop offs are done there and that she loses her nights and weekends if she doesn't get him on time.

I'm sure that you can file something with the court on your own. My state has a good family court, and they will go out of their way to assist parents. You might write something up and take it to your court, explaining that for the benefit of your child, that your ex must stick with the parenting plan and a schedule. Check it out.

gotta give me more credit here y'all

i did the entire divorce by myself and I know how to do it but it costs $400 to file court petitions here and while I was able to get my XW to sign settlement papers before... there is no way she is going to do it again

no settlement equals going to trial which requires witnesses to her skipping visitation, dropping him off early and showing up at my house unannounced

while i have talked to many people about my problem, nobody has witnessed it first hand... in court it would be my burden to proove

therefore i will probably just stop communicating with her totally. if she steps it up a notch and stalks or interupts another date... well then at least I'd have a witness to do something

Witnesses won't necessarily help. A hand kept log, however, is admissable since you're the one who wrote it directly and kept it and can speak to it. Video tape works well too. Start taking video of the clock to show the time and video tape the exchanges.

Credibility comes into play here and the judge has to decide if you're telling the truth or not, but why would he doubt you?

So you don't necessarily need witnesses and your own personal testimony is sufficient.

Besides, you're not asking for anything that needs witnesses. You're asking for clauses to be added to your agreement which states that she forfeits her nights and weekends if she shows up late or not at all. No witnesses needed for this and very likely not much of a hearing. You can file it, they set a hearing day, and she either shows up or doesn't. My gut tells me she wouldn't even show up and you get the request by default.

Kudos to you for representing yourself.

not neededing witnesses to put a clause in the agreement about setting specific times for visitation and a clause about not entering my home without permission makes sense... saw the word trial on the self help website and it through me off

plus she hasn't been paying child support and she has not signed off on the house yet... she was ordered to do both in the divorce court order so i need to advise the court of that as well

i feel more manly already... now all i need is $400

thanks for the ongoing help y'all

Maybe if you could just reclaim your rights here bit by bit?

Try training your ex.

Shut off the phone once your son is in bed.

Lock the doors and turn off the lights once he turns in, don't answer the door.

If she does not pick him up Friday night, leave the house on Saturday so she can chase you down.

While doing this, explore your legal rights.