I was married to my first W for 13 yrs. We stayed together for our son, then one day knew that wasn't good for any of us.
We both had affairs. I had three and found out after D she had had a couple too.
My WAW, W#2 M 4yrs, now has OM and we are trying to work out out issues and hopefully get back together. We go to coaching and date each other several times a week.
That said. I am feeling the worst I have ever felt in my life. This may just be Karma for my past transgretion to my first wife. This is the crappiest felling ever to know that the one you love is wife another person. I do not wish this feeling on anybody. Ha helped me loose over 50 lbs, not wanting to loose it either.
I have talked to XW and taken ownership of what she already knew about. Telling her that if this is the feeling she felt I am deeply sorry and very suprised that she would even talk to me.
Now being on the other side of the fence I don't know how to react. I feel I am being wronged by WAW. I feel that if she could put the effort into us that she is into him that we may progress and get back together. She has even said she has hope for us.
Any input?
thanks

Realize that you married a woman that was a cheater.
She has learned nothing.

Being that you have been now on the receiving end of an affair. You have grown enough to realize what you have done.

I commend you for reaching out to your first wife.

I recommend you divorce your second wife.

Why?

She has learned nothing from the first time she cheated. That's why she has cheated again. Most likely she will cheat on her third H.

The old saying: She cheated with you, she will cheat on you.

Being that you have grown go find a real woman that you can cherish, and she cherish you.

ff, I am confused with your acronyms. What does "WAW" mean?

ff,

Your current marriage is known as an "Affairage" (aka adultery-based marriage).

Dr Harley, the founder of MB and owner of this site, has posted info and stats on affairages and their very high unlikelihood of ever succeeding. He also strongly recommends the folks in an adutery-based marriage return to their original spouse(s).

I'll dig up the post and link it for you to read.

Jo

BTW: You did the right thing by apologizing to your betrayed ex-wife. Too bad it took you experiencing betrayal yourself to realize the indescribable hurt and life changing devastation she went through.

Required reading for ff.

Here’s a link to a current story where a poster (CatGirl) is going thru the very REAL devastation of her ex-H marrying the OW [REAL TIME]. You can get a glimpse of what your ex-wife went thru back then: Click Here

And here is Dr. Harley’s post about affairages unlikelihood of succeeding and why: Click Here

Hope this helps.

Jo

Mel:

If I have this right, WAW stands for "walk away wife". it does elsewhere, at least. I just haven't seen it used here much.


ff:

You're new here, so I'm going 2 repeat something that others, like Resilient, already know:

I made up the term "affairage" during a time when I was still resentful of my W's affair, and let myself get caught up in the drama that often ensues here when either an active wayward comes along or, as in this case, someone who's marriage started out as an affair comes along looking for help saving their marriage, which is now in trouble.

For the record, I'm ashamed that I made up a word that has been used so many times as ammunition 2 demean people, when they're obviously hurting before coming here for help.

But what's done is done. I'm no longer that resentful, but many people here still are. Just so you are aware. And I have 2 accept that people here are fond of using that term, and maybe still try 2 help if I can. It's not "my word" anymore. 42nately, I don't want 2 have anything 2 do with it either.

Now, as 2 your particular si2ation. I would recommend that you call the Harleys for some coaching (see "coaching center" at the top of this page). They'll work with you and with your wife, both individually and 2gether. They're very good.

And as you'll see when you read Dr Harley's post, they will try 2 help you, even if the si2ation makes that harder than it might otherwise be.

-ol' 2long

It seems I wasn't clear with my post. My current marriage is not with the gal I had the affair with. She is somebody I met after getting divorced form W#1. I don't even have, or want contact with past affair.
Hope this clears a bit up.:)

Thanks for clearing that up, ff.

Jo