I find myself in unfamiliar territory. My husband of 7 years and together for 9yrs, told me Aug 24 that he was unhappy and was emotionally detached from me for years. He said he knew on our wedding night that he made the wrong choice. He is not in love with his wife, but he is in love w/ his best friend, me. He is soon to be 35. We have made 16,000$ worth of improvements w/in the past 6months on our house. He moved out Oct 1 to an appartment. I have seen a councilor since mid Sept. He has only told his mother and 2 other people. He said everything was about me and he could not live like that anymore. He resented everytime I walked through the door from work. He has no idea who he is anymore. We have a son 7 so we have to see each other on a regular basis. He has came over and talked. I get so angry, feel betrayed, rejected and tons of other emotions run through me when I see him. I am at peace by myself when I come home. He also has another son from a previous gf that is 12 and has ADHD. I can not stand his xgf because she abandons her son all the time. I have seen a lawyer to get my legalities in check. My stbxh told me he wanted us to sit down and right it up our way and then submit it to the court. We have been intimate 5 times since this has happened he said it was just sex and nothing more, but when I called him out on it he said he had to protect himself. (We have not been intimate since he left) I am working diligently to get my life out of the rut that I was in prior to him leaving build myself up. Which I have made tons of progress. He said he is like a boy touching a candle he doesn't want to do it again and why could I have not changed sooner. He started calling me and texting me he came over for 1hr and 45min to ask what I wanted to do. I refuse to beg him to come back. I told him it was my preference for him to come back, but I do not need him to come back. Last Sunday I told him that I was happy and I really want to have him happy so I pulled out the dissolution papers. I got really upset and asked why he hadn't moved all of his stuff out and why he was calling/texting me. I do not want the boy that ran from his responsiblities back. I would have done anything to keep my marriage together so my son could see his mother and father under one roof. He said our son would have no problems with the dissolution. Our son has created an imaginary friend to get him through this and I have had to tell him many times that his father and I would never live together again. My heart breaks for him. My dreams crushed of having a family that I never had. He quit not only me, his family, but himself. My soon to be x step son is devastated because he thinks his dad is going to remarry. I have know him since he was 1 1/2. I am bitter and will never share my feelings with another man. It is just not worth it to me. My soul mate, lover, and husband died August 24 and I am left to pick up the pieces of my life and put them back together like Humpty Dumpty. I admited my faults of being needy and I have learned in the past 8 weeks to act as a 34 year old woman. I have tried to ease my son's pain and put all my energy in a better life for him and I. This house holds a lot of memories in it and I do not think I can maintain it solely. I know in my head that I have to move on, but my heart right now is hurting and will not budge. It tells me not to let go that one day he will change his mind. He has caused so much damage I know that I have to move forward and leave him in his mid life crisis. He is an only child and a spoiled one at that. He is used to getting everything his way. He has pulled many temper tantrums lately because he does not want and can not affort to pay what the court has determined as child support. He says that it is an realistic #. He wants to pay 1/2 that. He sais he would pay me that, but I would have full custody and our son would hate me for this because he had to work so hard and not see him so often because of child support. How long does it take to move on. I am 34, (old) with a son. My mother sends me words of encouragement and tells me how young I am and the man of my dreams will snatch me up in a heartbeat and treat me like a lady. I look at her and she is 59 married twice, divorced twice, and the man she fell head over heals over was seeing two people and choose the other woman. She tells me that she will always love him till the day she dies. That was the love of her life which was in between the two marriages. I live because of my son. God knows I would have never made it this far w/o him. I know he needs me as much as I need him right now. I have held myself together until he goes to sleep and then it comes out. God dealt me these cards for a reason I just wish I knew what it was. I am also a firm believer in what comes around goes around. So tell me those of you that have been divorced for a while are you better? How long did the process take? Did your feelings of trusting someone else w/ your heart ever come back? I love that man, I hate what he is doing to me, but I know pain because I loved him so. Thanks for listening and hopefully you can provide some words of encouragement.

Is there any possibility that your husband is having an affair?

I'm so sorry for your pain. It does not sound like a reconciliation is possible from what you have said. If your husband truly has felt the marriage was wrong from the start and felt detatched.... it just does not seem very hopeful. Its hard enough when two people go through this when they once had intense feelings for each other. I wonder if you are ok as an individual, as a woman. By that what I am referring to is that alot of women do not feel whole without a man. I personally think that we (women) need to be ok with ourselves before we can be in a good relationship. Did you husband fulfill you? Is he good enough for you? Does he suit you? Is he really someone you could happily grow old with, change with, learn with. If not, then let him go. You will find someone that will make you happy. As for being 34 and old.... 34 is so young. So Young. You might feel old, but think about it. You have only lived around 14 years as an adult. You still have 40 to 50 years of good solid life ahead of you! Please don't waste time thinking you are old. Live life. No mater what age we are, we have no guarantee of making it through the next day or the next month or decade. We don't know when our time will come. We need to live for now.

My ex of 6 months now wants me back. I fought for our marriage for 2 years before I kicked him out....after finding him texting and emailing other women, pursuing and charming them. I gave him several chances and he would not stop. It broke my heart. I can;t even begin to explain the pain but I have a feeling you know something about that. Now he wants me back, but I don't see how it can work. I have spent the weekend thinking about it alot. I know our situations are different, but what is similar is that as women we need to think about ourselves and what we want. Rejection you and I have in common and its a very hard thing to deal with. But instead of wanting him back, have you considered getting yourself back?

You have a son. I know having a happy mum and dad is great, but the fact is that a good solid confident mother can be so much better than a child living with parents in an unfulfilled or unhappy marriage.

I am all for marriage. I think in these days and times people do not take it seriously enough. Will he go to marriage counselling with you? Tell him if he will go you will accept the outcome whatever it may be, but at least then you will know you both tried to see if it can work. In the meantime, work on being ok yourself, with or without him. That is the best thing you can do for your son. Also, a woman is more attractive when she is happy with herself. It must be so hard to be a mother when you are so much pain. I send you hugs young lady. Remember what a good person you are. Its important to give yourself recognition for the good things about you.

Thank you for the words of encouragement! I think I have hit the lowest of all lows. Along the way I found out that Ellewood on his phone was a girl that he works w/. Multiple text messages at all hours of the night from both parties. Esp 4 weeks before our seperation. I called a man he works w/ and he said they have been close but nothing peculiar. He said she had rumors started prior to this regarding an affair and got transferred to his dept. He told me to call his boss who I know very well. That he would rather hear it from me than elsewhere. I called him and he confronted both parties. My husband was poed. He said what the h are you doing. I could get fired. You made all this up. I hung up and the next evening I answered for him to tell me what I believe is more lies to cover it up, but he has to live w/ himself not me. He said he was worried about me and called to talk to me. We spoke 4 hours that night. I asked him to go to marriage councilling he said he would be not w/ an open mind. At the end I realized that he wanted to know if his son could stay at my house until his mother picked him up. He has older son from a x gf. He said he would not be there this time to help me get through this and I would not get my happy ending. The next morning I called and told him that he needed to speak to x and make arrangements for transportation off the bus for his son. I would not give a time frame, but needs to be addressed. I also told him while I am at the lowest point I think we need to go ahead w/ the dissolution and submit the paperwork. He said we are not in the right frame of mind to do this. ???? I said if he cared about me like he says he does we needed to do this. I could move up the ladder instead of up and then down again. He said he could not do it right now. The next day he called to retrieve cds that he left for his pc and I gave him ice cream that I had bought that only comes out once a year, his fav. He said thank you and left. Over 40% of his belongings are still here and he has made no attempt to come and get them even though he has been over several times only to get one thing. I do not understand why he won't complete the paperwork. He asked that I give him some time to think w/ no time frame. I told him he could not have his cake and eat it too. He needed to let me go, sever the jugular and lets get it over w/. He said he needed time to think. Okay you are not in love w/ me, knew on our wedding night you had made a mistake, and you are emotionaly divorced from me why not leap at the thought to move on. As for me I have decided the divorce is over and there is no way he is coming back. I feel much better today a little more relaxed. As far as needing him to be here. I would prefer him to be here this is worse than death for me. I honestly thought he was my soul mate, but I do not want the 34yr old boy to come back. I have matured in so many ways that he held me back because he thought he was my care taker and I let him. It would be a difficult process and a lot of energy set forth, but I have a family to take care of and I would work hard. I think more less that I am in love w/ the concept of a family and someone there. Don't get me wrong we were very best friends and now the trust has vanished. I have been w/ him for 10 years and I do have security problems because he has been there for so long. Like I said before he is the last thing on my mind prior to me sleeping and the first hing when my alarm goes off in the am. I am working very hard on my self and have learned a lot about myself in the past 7 weeks. I have been reading Byron Katie. Wonderful lady and has helped me alot.