Please see my post dated 10-10 (MB please help)...

Need some help on this. My wife has left our home and is continuing the A. We have gently discussed this...she refuses to go to church, counciling, etc.
EVERY family member, now including our 12 yo son knows about the A. There is presure building from the older children and her family members...but she just says the family will just have to "deal with it".
As far as the OM, I am working hard on gathering info on him. I will have the info by weeks end...but some of our friends have seen them together...(introduced not by name but as a friend).
I am in plan A....nothing from me but gentle words and kindness.

What or how do I end this A if she does not want to stop. I realize it is like an drug and she is in a fog. I want to save our loving marriage...but I can't seem to get through to her. She just acts like she is done and does not care.....
Help me with this please...................!!!!!

i am not in the best position to answer, but i would say you might need to go into plan B....

Any advise from the experts?

How does your WW finance herself?

Please don't blast me...
My WW was a stay at home Mom.
Even before finding MB, I knew that she was feeling the pressures of the econimic slowdown...I now know that one of her EN's was finances.
So, I have taken over all the "bill paying",etc. but she still has a check book and her ATM. We each have seperate credit card accounts and I have left only enough money to live on. I know most will advise differently, but there is no threat to clean me out. Crazy as this all is...my WW does not waste money and has not used any of "our" money in the last 4 weeks for anything other that groceries and fuel. She has applied for several jobs......good!

She won't clean you out until OM has promised to take care of her.

I bet his wifey don't know about her yet.

Time to absolutely put a stop to things by transfering everything to accounts that she has zero access to and cancelling the credit cards.

Do this the day before you expose to OMW as your wife most certainly will go nuclear and there is a good chance OM will drop her immediately.

Prepare for your wife to exclaim that you "betrayed" her trust and to storm off for a few days.

Leave her to starve, DO NOT offer ANY sort of financial support as the fantasy of the affair has to be killed with a cold dose of reality.

I guarantee that she has a toxic friend cheerleading her on so she can experience the fantasy through your wife.

Find this friend, have your pastor to tell her to break all contact or she will be exposed as helping your wife have the affair. She will definately try to spin it as "trying to be a good friend", but friends don't encourage affairs.

Got it...about the finances
There is no OMW...heard from my Daughter that my WW is married and OP WAS married...they just were never able to "get together" until now. My WW did tell me they have been friends since HS.
I am sure that this started within the past three months, probably by email or phone....then full blown A...and she does not care about ANYTHING right now but the OM. Brought me brownies Saturday when she brought my son. I noticed in the car another plate of brownies....and no...I did not eat any.
I'm telling you guys...an alien has abducted my wife and she is really liking all the "experiments" being done to her. She really does not want to return to earth!!

kickme, it is not a good idea to give her family money. That is financing her affair which is in your best interest. If you cut off the money, it would cause huge conflict in the affair. She should not be getting the benefits of marriage when she is not living there. This is not a need you want to meet right now. You let her know that you will meet that need IF SHE LIVES AT HOME. But you won't finance her adultery.

Did you read my comments about exposing the affair on OM's side? I will go look on that thread.

I think Mel meant to say NOT in your best interest....

kickme, are you reading the posts on your OTHER thread? It is very confusing when you start up new threads because folks can't keep track of your story. But it doesn't look like you saw the posts to you.

...until she gets pissed with you and goes to town. Cut her off. Did you ever think you'd have an A threatening your marriage as you do today? Don't support your W's affair. That's plain foolish.

Thanx Mel...yes I am reading my other thread...sorry still learning the rules...boy that is an understatemnet!!
Ok...dumb question....my son is with me about 60% of the time. If I cut off the money to my WW, will that hurt my son? How do I provide monies to my WW for the support of my son when he is with "mom"??

Supply nothing.

You need to become the monster that she is saying you are.

You have to starve the fantasy, OM ain't gonna support her if he is a freeloader too.

If your W isn't going to have an appropriate place to live without your $$ then she may have to limit her visits with your son to daytime hours. You can suggest she returns home (if you want her there), move in with a family member, or some other reasonable alternative. Just giving her money for rent and other living expenses so OM can come over and boink her whenever he wants isn't going to help you reclaim your wife. Your wife's behavior is what is hurting your son.

Depending on how long your son is with her, you can buy groceries (what your son will eat for meals) and drop them off when you bring your son to her place. Bottom line is if she wants to leave the marital home she needs to find a way to support herself. Of course she will be mad and how dare you and all that, but SHE made this choice. You might want to talk to your son and tell him that if HE needs anything while at his mom's (excluding money that can be given to mom), that he can come and ask you.

How long has your WW been out of the home?

Your children stays at the family residence. If she removes them charge her with abduction if you can.

Check with legal eagles here or consult a suit.

If she cannot support the boy, why should he stay there?? She can visit him in your home or move home. But she is an ADULT. If she is old enough to drive a car she is a big enough girl to supply her own support for her child. With freedom comes RESPONSIBILITY, after all. You should not be responsible for her part. You are not her poppa.

Eactly. If WW wants to leave and can't support the kids. Then she can't take them. You are married and liable for all credit card debts your WW makes. Cancel those credit cards.

If she wants the OM let him support her. Nothing kills an affair better then when the OM won't take care of the WW.