believer, that is a good question. I know his name only because the kids have just recently referred to him by name; otherwise I have no idea who he is.

As far as I am concerned, he is OM5 or OM6 as far as best I can tell.

Holy Moly - Wish her good luck. She is getting exactly what she deserves. YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!

I kind of chuckled the other day when Bob Pure made his comment, guess I missed a few pages of your posts.

See this?

Use it to gain CS, and lots of it now that she's remarried.

Kind of a fitting response for her don'cha think?

No, it's a cop out response on her part. She does not take any responsibility because she continues to deny the fact that she had any affairs.

What I would like to know is what she is taking responsibility for....

Hi, I personally believe that you need to create some more space between you and ExWW, as much as possible to save your emotional well being...you are no longer in a custody battle, so if all at possible...perhaps change your email or do whatever you need to do to protect yourself from this kind of thing...

Also, I want to stress that I think your should go after CS now...this changes everythign and would be a great deal of help to you, no matter how much, but I would ask for the full amount to keep you clear up anything that you have been left with as a result of the D to grant those beautiful kids of your a better future...if anything straight into a college fund...something...

And I agree no response is the best response! If asked tomorrow, you haven't had time to write back...

Huge hugs to you!
Rin

You are not required to respond in any way whatsoever just because she wishes it. In fact, maybe it'd be better not to. Your children will figure out for themselves someday what happened and why and then she'll have some explaining to do. Keep loving your kids...and ignoring her.

Hit her where it hurts.

$$$$

What is the over/under on how long this marriage is going to last?

I take the under.

Eph-

I think that in this case your silence will speak volumes...

I go with Harley's expertise here and take under 2 years as well.

Her claim that she couldn't do things differently is her way of deflecting any responsibility despite her stating otherwise. And then she follows directly with a "you haven't changed" statement. Just amazing.

Eph, I can imagine her email really stung. But don't let it get you down. And don't respond to her. Anything she may have to say to you regarding your relationship will all be bunk justifications. She's feeling guilty and wants to pawn that off on you. Don't let her.

I would block her emails and/or get an intermediary from here on out. You need to protect yourself FROM HER.

I'm terribly sorry you're having to go thru this.

BTW: Did you know that Steve Harley counsels folks post-divorce. I coached with him after mine and he was excellent in helping me get thru the really tough months.

Jo

Just wanted to post some notes from our co-parenting session....


The IC tried to lay the foundation for the session, then I dropped the bomb so to speak by asking exWW if she had shared her news with the IC. The IC asks "What news?"

exWW told her she was now married, and the expression on the face of the IC was that of shock and incredible disbelief. IC expressed concern and asked why this was so sudden, why there was no planning, why she was not informed about it so she could try to help with it.

exWW hemmed and hawed through the whole session, and it seemed to me that she dig herself into a deep hole with this.

It worked out that the IC asked most of the questions and I just got to listen and take notes and ask an occasional question.

I found out the the kids were introduced to him back in August. We talked about how it was "interesting" that the kids had not said anything until around the first of October. I talked about how the kids share everything with me and that we have really good communication, and that they are always telling me of new people they meet (gave an example of exWW's brother's new girlfriend).

I found out the were actually married last Thursday (10/9), and when I asked this she acted as if she could not remember it and she had to thumb through her journal she brought. I got his name and have already started some research. I expressed concern about now knowing anything about this person to whom my children were going to be around, and the IC validated that and asked if there was anything in his past to be concerned about - exWW said no. He has a 7 year old son who lives with his mom in Virginia and he does not have regular visitation with, only summers and some holidays. exWW let slip that the mom was blocking his visitation rights, which could only mean she is nutty or has valid reasons for doing so. That might be something worth investigating also.

The other curious thing was that she did not say anything about it when we were there last Wednesday for DS7's last session. Her reason for not bringing it up then was that she did not want to take away from DS7's time with her. What a crock. She could only say that it was not her intent to heap on more issues and that she did not want them to be confused.

She said she has told them that they are married, and I calmly explained that the kids have not used any words to that effect around me, and this also bothered me because of the fact that we have recently talked about the terms "marriage" and "wedding" because of the two wedding we have been two in the last 3 weeks. Since this was something fresh in their mind I feel like they would have talked about it with me.

exWW tried to explain that the reason she did not say anything to me before hand was because she was afraid of me being angry and that I could cause her to feel guilty and ashamed which would trigger her eating (WHATEVER) and that she had talked this through with her other therapists and that was what they recommended. I calmly asked if her other therapists had seen our children and she said no.

IC asked me if I had any questions about these developments and if I had responded to her e-mail. I told her I had not responded, that I was both shocked and hurt about this, and that I honestly at this time did not know what I was going to say to the kids about it. I told her I had not said anything to date, that I only had asked about the kid's weekend and had gotten some small details.

At the wrap up, the IC asked that I think about my interactions with this guy for the "kid's benefit" and that she thinks they should be pleasant.

Hey let's all join hands and sing kum bah yah! Good grief.

Heh... you know.. most people are so happy and proud.. they tell the whole world and then some about their marriage..

Sounds to me like she was ashamed enough on her own without having to tell you.

Honestly.. I think my wife is headed there herself.. oh well.

Keep your chin up bro.. be strong for your kids, and stay out of the blast radius of your ex.. that.. whatever it is might be prolonged by the marriage.. but if she feels like she has to hide it from the start.. then it ain't going to take all that long to blow up.

egads..

Oooooooo....You are powerful!

Get her a "Cheesecake of the Week" membership and a Catherines gift card as a present.

I had to stop reading and go get my Cajun Reeboks on this one! Cause the sh)t's getting deep in WS world!



:RollieEyes:

Eph,

My ExH just M'd OW a few months ago. I just found out last week, and by accident! He had no intention of telling me or my DS.

He said he didn't want to tell DS because he thought things would change between them.

He finally told him, but I'm sure he spun it around to show he was now happier than ever, and that OW is a *good* person, to give her a chance. DS knew they've been living together all this time anyway.

So I am pretty much in your same shoes and hearing the same stuff your ExW is saying.

But I do think Jamesus has a point. If both of our Ex's were so proud to be M'd, why the big secret? I'd be pi$$ed if I was the OW, having her new H have to hide their M from his kids.

Shame, regret, guilt? Probably all 3.

I can't WAIT to tell my ExH the day I decide to get M'D!!!