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I am going to ask her to go to the Family Life Weekend to Remember conference this weekend. So I'll see what kind of responce I get from that. I am going to try an investigate her comings and goings but I'm not sure how just yet. I can' afford a PI because I'm trying to pay all my bills on half the income right now. A babysitter is not an option because I'm afraid that will get back to her through my daughter. I've already been complaining about her giving up her time with the kids to satisfy her selfishness.
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Your wife has children she is responsible for and that comes before her apartment, tanning, etc. She should be paying you child support. Also, why is she getting the children so much? She LEFT them! I think you need to see a lawyer. Read this post and see how he handled things: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2131553&fpart=1
Last edited by Vows4Good; 10/10/08 06:23 PM.
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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I agree...read the materials on this site, gather information, expose, begin plan A...prepare PBL...nothing is guaranteed but if followed correctly, it has saved a lot of marriages!
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It sounds like it's gone too far for that to be of help right now. COUNSELING DOES NOT WORK WHILE THE AFFAIR IS GOING ON. You say you don't have money but SHE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE BILLS TOO. MAKE HER ACCEPT HER RESPONSIBILITY! Don't put up smoke screens, act on the good advice you're getting here, don't think of reasons why NOT to, do it! Get evidence! Protect your children financially. Get legal custody. Start letting her feel the consequences of her choices! Prepare for the likelihood that you may be raising these children on your own! Read the site that I told you about...hers is starting out the same way as his wife did. He handled everything right and quickly too! Read, read, read! There is so much information on this site, read SAA, HNHN, LB, etc.
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You're right, I put alot on her plate that I shouldn't have and didn't do alot of things that I should have in our marriage, but to get left without any explanation and no communication of how she felt for the long time she say's she hasn't been happy is undeserved and our children and the people she might have led to Christ will be the only one's to suffer for her selfishness in the long run.
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Can anyone tell me what the average PI would cost for a couple of day surveillance?
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Hope, I just don't know. My suggestion would be to call your police station and ask the desk sergeant if he can recommend any reliable PIs. Then call and ask for pricing.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Can anyone tell me what the average PI would cost for a couple of day surveillance? Hi hope, I'm sure they all operate in a similar way...when we had to find a PI to follow my ex-SIL he wanted a retainer and IIRC, his personal fee was 60 bucks an hour. I know I found some that were 30 bucks an hour as well. Of course, this was around 2002, so I'm sure everyone is a BIT higher now, LOL! You should try a search online for your area. A lot of PIs post basic info and some do list their fees as well. Best of luck! It's a crap shoot, just like finding a decent attorney, but sometimes you get lucky and hit the bull'seye smack- dab dead center! Charlotte
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Hope88,
I'm going to go out on a limb here, and advise you that you've spent more than enough time speculating whether or not it is an A.
1800 hundred tm and you think they are , what, FRIENDS????
You are her H, how many tm's did you get that month???
You need to identify the predator who is invading your M and expose to his BW. You could do the PI work yourself with perhaps, the enlistment of a couple of good friends.
This is not a Q of what, but rather, who!!
There's no doubt in MHO that she is enganged in a full blown A.
Now find out for sure who it is. Get creative in your thinking. You should be able to 2 + 2 together rather quickly.
Good Luck
All Blessings,
Jerry
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Personal integrity in a PI is a lot more important than hourly rate. I've heard
some bad stories about professional misconduct.
My PI charged $55/hour in 2006 -- and I think that was at the low end, particularly as I Iive near a large urban area.
Its a bit of a art vs. science. You can spend thousands of dollars and not get anything useful. A good investigator will help you plan to use their time efficiently.
There's a book written by a PI titled something like "The more you know". It deals with infidelity investigations and gives a reasonable overview of their techniques.
- WG
BH 40, Married: 2002, Discovered affairs: Fall 2005, Divorced: Spring 2008
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Thanks, for the advice. I've been away on business this whole week while my wife had our children. I am going to try and borrow a friend or neighbors car and check it out myself when I get the kids back on wednesday. It's pretty harsh what everyone is saying about exposing this to everyone she knows and works with. Doesn't this hurt the possibility of reconciliation if she has to face all these people after we would get back together?
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It's pretty harsh what everyone is saying about exposing this to everyone she knows and works with. Doesn't this hurt the possibility of reconciliation if she has to face all these people after we would get back together? No, it hurts the possibility of reconciliation if you DON'T expose the affair because affairs thrive on secrecy. Your marriage can survive some temporary anger over exposure, but it can't survive an ongoing affair. Remember, your goal here is to SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE, not to avoid making your wife angry at all costs.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She refuses to go to the marriage conference after I talked with her about it today. So I asked just exactly what she wanted. Her reply was that she wants bi-weekly custody like we are doing now, for me to pay for insurance on the kids, and to always pay the babysitter, and nothing else. Not our house or anything in it, none of my 401k, or anything else. So I asked her why she just doesn't go get a divorce and she said she didn't have any money. I am still going to find out if she is committing adultry or not this week. Do you think I should go file for legal seperation to get these terms set before waiting for her to file?
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hope, that marriage conference is sort of a waste of time if she is in an affair. So is counseling. This train cannot move forward in any way until you find out the truth.
And please do not confront her with anything you suspect or find out about her affair until you speak to us. Most of you betrayed spouses are very emotional [rightfully so!] and tend to make strategic mistakes. Just find out the truth and come back here and we will help you develop a plan that works to your best strategic advantage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Checked out the bowling alley last night. She came out by herself got in her car, drove to her apartment and went inside. Nothing suspicious. I am pretty sure the OM that I think it could be bowls this same night. Will do some more investigating this weekend.
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