hello Oz ! Always glad when I don't see you for ages, because it means you're living a fulfilling life !


Life generally and my marriage have improved beyond recognition since d-day AND even in many aspects since before d-day, you're right.

What I don't want to do is settle for that if far greater improvement is possible. And I know this is possible because all these benefit shave been achieved so far with the bare minimum investment from Squid.

I dunno. Maybe I'm looking for compensation that I did not make a condition of my not divorcing Squid over her adultery I guess.

Hindsight , huh ? waddayagonnado?

All blessings oz !

dunno where else to put this update really, but while Squid and I were out having dinner together last night, she got a call to say her biomom had finally drunk herself to death over the Christmas holiday.

For those who don't know the story, Squids biomom left Squid and her sisters with her mom ( Squids gran) aged 1 so she could find herself, then returned to live as Squids "aunty for ten years. When Squid discovered the truth, her biomom rejected her again by leaving immediately.

As an adult squid and I went to visit with her in 1991, where she rejected Squid again with the most apathetic greeting you could ever imagine, nice after a long-planned 8 hour drive.

Squid isn't externally incredibly upset over this, but bear in mind Squid fears becoming her biomom ( hence part of her self loathing after her affair, a very biomom-type behaviour).

I wonder if this will mark another opportunity for her personal growth ?

* sigh *

Hey Bob,

I'll be praying for Squid as she goes through this period...

How are you doing?

Semper Fi,

RIF

That's really sad news Bob. So sorry.

Hey RIF !

We're doing OK, kidder. I'll respond to your email when I get chance.

I trust your R&R was pleasant <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> ?

Hi TT

More odd than outright sad really. Biomom made intelligent choices that led to this point.

Raising all kinds of issue sin Squid of course.

Ah well.

Hows tricks in sunny HK ?

Hey Bob!

R&R was great!!! The girls had a great Christmas and we made it over to see my dad in the VA hospital and he is doing very well.

I hope that you and your family had a good time in the states... sorry we couldn't link up.

Semper Fi,

RIF

It is sad - I mean, what kind of funeral will she have? Sounds like nobody will be missing her.

Sunny HK is bloody cold at the moment (about 15C). Trouble is the houses are built for the hot weather so when the temperature drops, it's very cold indoors. We;ve got a new puppy from the dustbins. There are three big letters printed on my forehead. M.U.G.

TT, we found out more. She was squatting. She was on life support through alcohol related liver failure & diabetes for 3 weeks before she died.

The docs diagnosed they needed to amputate her hands and feet owing to alcoholic diabetes, and decided to turn the machine off instead.

It took only minutes for her to die. Never recovered consciousness.

If that's what a life of entitled choices leads to, you can stuff it.

She was buried last week. We don't know, or care where.

No family attended.

Squids still "odd" about it all. The tragedy of it is getting to her a bit.

Hi Bob,

I am so sorry for Squid. The mental pictures alone of that hospital scene that stick in my mind make me believe this is tough stuff for Squid. Or do you think she completely stuffs it?
I will be praying that God continues the chipping away of the hard veneer on her heart and that in His time His work will be complete in her.

I know you will continue to be her man!! Show her how its done.

NL

NL she's an olympic standard stuffer, but chinks are showing.

She is moved with pity for this monstrous woman, who at her end was as helpless and broken as anyone ever was.

We discussed how Squids middle sister, who is the living embodiment of their mother, is making the same choices as she did. Squid asked a question - she wondered how much closer to her mother's model she would be without me - but we didn't answer.

When overloaded, Squid adopts a "thousand yard stare" and goes quiet. Time to stop that topic then, I have learned.

I'll love her like I always have. Its what I do. Like breathing. Dammit.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hey BP just wanted to see haw squid is doing with the loss of her mom,, you doing alright?

Found this old thread. I could write it today verbatim.

At what point does it become not selfish to divorce when the kids are clearly happy and thriving with the status quo ?

Any opinions please ?

Thanks !

Hi Bob! I'd be happy to give my opinion, but would you mind giving a few more details. Are you saying that if not for your "thriving" kids you would end your M? And if so, why? Somthing must be very painful and unsatisfying about your M presently that makes Ding your W appealing. Mind filling in the blanks? Thanks!

Well, CV, it may be different for the average BW, but D’ing an adulterous wife, active or former and often even more so for a former, is always and eventually going to appeal to the typical BH on some level.

When your youngest is 18 years old.

May I ask, what would you gain if you divorced?

Peace. An end to the constant criticism and ingratitude. An end to me being disappointed.

Are some of the bad habits of the old M starting to display themselves again, Bob?

And a bunch o'new improved ones MiM

Definition of irony ?

I was given a couple to coach this morning from my Pastor ( I run a small MB ministry from my church).

Apparently H is a good guy, successful most everywhere in his life except at home where his W belittles him rather than trying to rise up to his standards. His very WALK makes her feel judged. Who is HE to judge HER ? ( despite never actually saying anything judgemental she is so insecure even his EXAMPLE feels judgemental to her).

How exactly, in all good will, am I supposed to coach them, MiM ?

May I ask what you would lose if you divorced?