W got the divorce papers yesterday and immediately called and had a fit. I know it was a fit because I've seen one of them before. Boy is she mad at me. <P>I told her they were coming but she didn't believe me. Not till yesterday. I asked her if she was going to go tomorrow morning and sign them seeing that she starts work later in the day. She said not tomorrow it would be too rushed. I didn't think it took that long to sign. Took me only a few minutes and I have a longer name than she does. She said maybe sometime later in the week. OK, Am I seeing something here or is it just another visual hallucination.<P>Talked to her today and asked if she wanted to discuss anything about the marriage before we end it. She said there is nothing to discuss anymore now that she got the papers. I said OK. She is still mad. I just wanted to give it one last shot before the divorce. She said she would sign and in the very next breath said we could try the dating thing to see if there is anything left of our relationship. She yelled at me again for starting the paperwork and said her parents told her to sign it. I said I'm not married to your parents and this is between you and me, not them. They didn't want to get involved before so I'll thank them to mind their own damn business.<P>Anyway I thought it was funny getting yelled at by the W for doing what I thought she wanted in the end. She still says "I love you" before we say good bye. Not the I really don't mean it, just got so used to saying the last 11 years kinda thing. But a genuine true I don't think I want to sign the divorce papers because I'm not sure if that's what I want. That's only what I think. <P>Just ordered SAA and Marriage Insurance this week. Hope it helps. <P>That's it for now,<P>Wishing us all the Best,<P>Medic

Whew! I'm sorry - that's just all I can think of. Man!<P>I sure hope your thinking is right, Medic. The best to you. You never know what's next, do you?<P>Since I can think of absolutely nothing semi-intelligent to say at this moment, I will simply go away now. <P>Lori

Medic, I just re-read your profile and I have to ask a question. Why did you file for divorce? <P>You don't want it, she doesn't seem to want it either. It seems to me like you're pushing her, just like you said in your profile. You said you pushed her to the OM. Now, you're pushing her to divorce you. <P>Back way up and don't push. <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Medic,<BR>If this is not what you honestly want ,,,,STOP!<P>Wait awhile and think about what you are doing. I know you are angry, hurt and want to show her "you're not going to do this to me and get away with it." But who are you really going to hurt if this actually goes through and you are divorced. If you still have feelings for her and think there is any possiblity of working on your marriage, try that first!! <P>It sounds as though you have both taken a stand and refuse to back down. Don't let your pride ruin a chance at future happiness. Any chance for counseling?

Medic,<BR>I have to agree with N-B and Nerlycrzy. You've issued an ultimatium here and you have to be ready for the concequences. If thats what you want fine, but if not why are you pushing it ?<BR>I know how you feel, there were plenty of times during the past summer that I wished my lawyers office and the court house were open on the weekends, because if they were I surely would have been divorced by now.<P>Now, I have a glimmer of hope at saving my marriage, again it is up to her but we did avoid the heartbreak of a divorce although we were only a signature away too.<P>She has even gotten rid of her lawyer. I still have mine as I'm not sure what is is planning to do yet and we get divorced I don't want to have to rehire him.<P>What don't you ask your w for the papers back ? Or if she does sign them, don't file them if you want to save your marriage.

Medic this may be a minority opinion on this board but what you are doing is correct. What you are doing is telling her that the door is open to return to you but that you will not stay in limbo waiting for her to make up her mind ( or that you are not going to wait for the OM to make up his mind whether to marry her). What you are doing is telling her to respect you and her marriage to you or get out. She is angry because you are no longer playing her game. Stay on course. Best wishes..max

Thanks guys for the replies.<P>I think I may have gone too far on this move or maybe not. But I'm sure you guys get tired of the waiting game. I was slowly driving myself nuts. I felt I had to do something. This was something.<P>Just got put on Wellbutrin because the Prozac was killing my appetite and I lost almost 15 lbs. I only weigh 150 so when I lost the 10% I looked and felt like the walking dead.<P>I don't think the new med kicked in before I did the rash filing. <P>She says she doesn't see the OM anymore and I believe that it has fizzled out.<P>Sorry about the double post on this topic. I couldn't find the original posting and I got kicked off AOL the first time for some kind of timeout thing. Thought it got lost in cyberspace.<P>Wishing us all the Best,<P>Medic

It's not too late, Medic. I know that feeling of needing to do something NOW,,right this instant,,this second, cause if "something" isn't done,,I'll explode! I used to feel that way also. I'd pace from room to room, changing my mind from one minute to the next as to what my next step should be. That's why Dr Harley and others suggest doing "nothing" til you have had a chance to decide what you really want. <P>And, as Max has said, you don't want to be in limbo forever. No one wants that. BUT you have to make a rational decision that you can live with. If you really want her and your marriage, go all out and try to recapture it. Let your guard down, stuff that pride away,,just for awhile, and tell her you'd like to talk. Lay it all out for her. Tell her how you feel and what you want. If you don't try, you're always gonna wonder "what if...."

Medic-<P>I have to agree w/ Max on this one. This is just my opinion, but, if she knows how you feel and STILL in not moving toward reconciliation, it is your only way.<BR>I know this, because I myself am about to be divorced. I filed for seperation, he counter filed w/ divorce. To me, that tells me good-bye.<BR>You W has been living on both sides of the fence for many years. It is time for you to get control back of YOUR life. <BR>Maybe this divorce will send some shock waves into her. I don't know.<BR>You can only do what you feel comfortable with. We don't know the the future holds, but I'm w/ you. You have stayed in limbo lond enough. You W continues to deny Brain is anything but a friend-HOGWASH. <BR>Good luck Medic. I know its hard, but I think you made the right choice.<P>c

Well W just called and said she finally picked up the divorce papers at the post office.<P>I asked her about Brian, I had felt a disturbance in the force yesterday, and sure enough he called her and asked her to go pick out a pumpkin with him. Isn't that sweet! He's only a friend though remember.<P>I asked about the promise she made not to see him anymore. She replied "well it was something to do". I did a little bit more prying and well "he likes me and I like him." I said enough is enough. The papers are ready. If you want to work on the marriage let's do it. If not intrested go sign the damn papers and let's be over with this crap in 90 days. Your'e not going to have a H and boyfriend.<P>Now I am sure in my mind that I have done the right thing. Screw this! I asked her for the common courtesy of letting me know what she decides. If she signs I don't want to hear from her or see her ever again. Yeah I'm mad but I've had it and don't like it.<P>Wishing us all the Best<P>Medic