Thanks ML. I really do appreciate all the help and support I've gotten on this site over the last year.

Even though things haven't worked out and I didn't really do everything right, I think I've learned alot about how to treat people. I didn't understand what a normal R was like before I got Dr. Harley's books. And also from the stuff I read on this site.

When I came here I was a total mess. It was not only because SW just left. I had been in a deep depression for about a year, maybe more. I thought there was no way out. It took SW leaving to wake me up. And I'm glad he did because I am better now. At least I get out of bed to go to work now.

Wow. It was getting hot over there. You guys are relentless.

Guess SW can't take the heat.

If he wants I'll take some blame. I can live with myself. I was a horrible wife for a long time, I admit it. I'm not making any excuses for myself. Then I tried to fix it, albeit I didn't do a very good job. It didn't work. We were getting a D. I cheated 2 weeks ago when I knew SW was moving out 9/26. Perhaps it was better that I waited another couple of weeks.

Hindsite is always 20/20.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ZORA}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I can take the heat and ALL the blame. I am just scared that you are not looking at yourself and your situation clearly.


Forget me, I am pond scum right now. But I can see everything you said to me today as the EXACT same things I said to you.

Please consider this. I was so sure of myself at the time, and look now.Look what it got me.

I am not being selfish, I know even if you realize I am right you are still very unahppy with me and will still seek a D. I know the D has nothing to do with the OM.

I Honestly am trying to look out for you one last time.

I am sorry for all the pain over the years.You were a good wife you did not deserve me.

Seriously? No I wasn't. I know I wasn't. You know I wasn't.

Also, I said I'd stop seeing/talking to OM until the D is done. I'll let him know Monday. I'm sure he won't be mad and will understand. I don't need him to know I am worth something and that I can make it through the end of this alone.

You were a good wife. You were depressed. I shoud have tried harder or realzed I could not help on my own. I should have done what you did, come here or somewhere like here.

J, its not about waiting till the D is done. Its about why you think its so perfect. Thats what I worry about, I was in the exact same shoes. I wish I could portray how similar they are.Good friend, support group, shoulder to cry on. I tried like hell to find the article yous end me on the affair partners and the why it seems so perfect at the beginning. It describes your situation with your OM and me with my OW EXACTLY. That is the one email I will send you if I can ever find it. Its about the fog only they did not call it the fog.

BTW, 9AM I will be there with St, Heg, and shoeless to get most of whats left there. I assume you are gone by then.

I do admit you can still make me laugh. But that does not a M make. I will be at the race course by 9:15 tomorrow so yes I will be gone.

And dont wait for me, if you truly believe in your heart he is the one for you pursue it. I know I am so far away because I tried too hard and too late.

Stopping an A for a few weeks while a D is finalized means nothing.Its just smoke. My OW and I talked about waiting too, only you never agreed to the D and I woke up.

I may get /slapped for postig here and Im sure I will and for this but...


Waiting does not make it right, it just makes it easier to live with having cheated. Thas what I realized, If I waited till a D I forced, I still would have failed my marriage, waiting just make it look better to the world.

Forgive me for all my sins.

I will never stop loving you and regretting what I lost.

All right, moment over. SW, back to work on you.

Today was a long day.

I had a regatta today and it was a double header meaning we had to row the course twice. We had a 1st place finish and then an 8th place finish in a different event for my boat. It was a good day all around for the entire team with many boats getting medals.

Since there was 14 miles or rowing involved, when I wasn't thinking about my technique, I was thinking of the events of the last week or so.

I feel terrible about the things I've done and the things that I said to SW. I still love SW with all my heart. I wanted this all to be over before I hurt him anymore, but I did. It seems that is all we ever do to each other is hurt.

I made a huge mistake with the OM before my D was final. I thought it really was only paperwork at this late stage. I guess I was wrong. Now I have to live with myself and it doesn't feel good.

I guess I was never really sure what I was doing when I was trying to fix things. But right now I need to stay the course and go through with the D. There is just too much hurt to get through at this point.

I hope SW can find it in his heart to forgive me someday over what I have done.

Zora - I see mistakes on both sides. Your hubby is getting a good look at himself through our eyes.

If you are sure you want a divorce, go through with it. If you think you could recover the marriage, do that. But there is really no hurry to make decisions.

You fought for your marriage for a long time. You have earned your way out of the marriage. But take your time.

Well I told the OM, my now former friend that SW found out about us. He was very mad at me. So he decided not to talk to me anymore.

He said to him it looked like I used him to get back at SW, which I did not. I never thought he would think that of me. I guess you can never really know anyone, even your friends.

So now I have lost my friend too. This keeps getting better.

You put your friend in an untenable position. You should not have had a relationship with him while still married. Your actions were selfish and not those of a friend, so it is not surprising that he's upset.

Don't get me wrong - he's as much at fault because he had to know you were still married.

You reap what you sow....

That's why you're better off with female friends, lol.

I didn't expect to put him in this position. It's not like I went looking for it with this person. There was always a boundary that I wouldn't cross. Then I knew in my heart that my M was done.

He had been a friend of mine and SW for 10 years. I had no idea this would happen. I didn't want to hurt him too.

I feel like a total POS.

So tonight SW's neutral party dropped off the 2 dogs at my house. It's nice to have them here. I missed them.

I didn't mean to have sole custody of teh dogs. But if that's what SW needs, it's ok with me. I love them and will take good care of them. Little do they know they will be going on a boat ride tomorrow at 6 AM!

I spent the last couple of hours stewing over this thing with my old friend. I am really ticked that he thinks I would use him to purposefully hurt someone. I need to make peace with this but I'm not sure how. Can anyone offer advice?

I know I should not post in your thread but please dont be too hard on yourself. I put you in the position where you were not having a single need met by your husband. I asked him many times to keep an eye on you when I knew you were down.

Dont beat yourself up, you had every reason to think our marriage was over.I showed you nothing.

Im sorry.

Rebound relationships are so very tough.

Great look at yourself.

But here's a perspective you'll have once that "fog" has worn off.

He knew you were still married. You say he was also a friend of SW. You've got to be kidding me! He's developing "more than friendship" with his friend's wife - even if they're headed to divorce - a good guy does not do his friend's wife! Never!

It's like a guy dating a girl, then taking her roommate out - the roommate knows he's already steady with her friend and roommate and yet she'll go out with him and develop that closer relationship with him at the same time?

That's a scummy thing to do to "friends".

I'm glad he laid it all on you in a way - because you finally have that transparency with this "wonderfully supportive friend". And he don't look so good, hon!

Well I guess I deserve what I get. I'm not sure what will become of any of this at this point. I am not considering reconcilation at all with my WH. The door is closed, not that long ago, but it is closed. There has just been too much abuse over the years.

It does however feel good to be validated. To bad other people had to get hurt in the process. I knew there had been cheating going on. I thought it would hurt so much when my WH actually admitted to it, but it was really just like another check mark. I feel ike I'm just kinda shrugging it off. Is that weird?

I'm not sure what to do now. I guess I just wait for the dust to settle for a little while and file the papers.

So I started filling out the divorce paperwork on Monday night when I got home from work. I have not completed it yet but I am planning to do so over the next week.

Last night I went to drop off the dogs at SWs house. I am really busy this week with the Head of the Charles preparation, visitors from NJ, team meetings and our new boathouse opening that I just don't have time to take care of them like I should. He was kind enough to take them.

I think I should not have stayed as long as I did. All we did was fight about why giving our M another chance is worth it. SW keeps asking me to give it a shot, just try, what are you so afraid of. I have to say, he sounds convincing, but I'm not buying it.

I tried MB principles and I read the books and it all led me to the point I am at now. It took me forever to get to the me I am now. I was attending AA, I was seeing 2 counselers, I was also attending a seperate therapy group. I was on prescription meds. I had to claw my way out of my dark hole to get better because I miserable. I did this work mostly by myself and with the help of a few supportive friends.

I am not willing to give up where I am now, where I got to without SW to give this M another chance. I don't want to be miserable and depressed again.

I made one huge mistake in the recent weeks by having an A, I won't deny it. SW thinks that I am in a foggy state because of this. However I did what SW was not willing to do a year ago and I took a step back away from everything to make sure that the D is what I really want.

I will however give SW the one thing that I wished for that he would not do for me in the last year. I will talk to the Harley's. I can't promise that anything will come of it, but I am willing to at least talk.

I will continue with the D for the time being. I am not willing to do to SW what he did to me by extending my pain and keep him hanging on.