Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#2142120 10/15/08 10:45 AM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 19
M
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
M
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 19
I KNOW I WILL BE DIVORCING MY HUSBAND OF ALMOST 14 YEARS. WE ARE CULTURALLY DIFFERENT MEANING I WAS RAISED "PROPERLY" AND HE WAS RAISED "ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TRACKS." IF THAT OFFENDS ANYONE, I'M SORRY. I'VE TRIED SO MANY TIMES TO MAKE THINGS WORK, BUT I JUST CAN'T GET THROUGH. WE HAVE BILLS THAT NEED TO BE PAID OFF, HE CARRIES THE INSURANCE, AND I'M JUST SPINNING IN CIRCLES. OUR BILLS WILL BE PAID OFF IN AUGUST OF 2009. THE THOUGHT OF COPING THAT LONG IS HUGE TO ME. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COPE WITH THAT TIME SPAN. HE BLAMES ME FOR EVERYTHING. HE'S VERY CHILDISH. I'M SO UNHAPPY I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. WE'VE BEEN TO COUNSELING. WE'VE TRIED EVERYTHING THAT I KNOW TO DO. I REALLY DON'T WANT ADVICE ON FIXING MY MARRIAGE, I'D LIKE TO HEAR FROM SOMEONE ABOUT COPING. I FEEL LIKE THIS SOUNDS HARSH, BUT THIS IS JUST THE VERY TIP OF THE ICEBERG.

moonriver #2142133 10/15/08 10:52 AM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,736
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,736
Originally Posted by moonriver
I KNOW I WILL BE DIVORCING MY HUSBAND OF ALMOST 14 YEARS. WE ARE CULTURALLY DIFFERENT MEANING I WAS RAISED "PROPERLY" AND HE WAS RAISED "ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TRACKS." IF THAT OFFENDS ANYONE, I'M SORRY. I'VE TRIED SO MANY TIMES TO MAKE THINGS WORK, BUT I JUST CAN'T GET THROUGH. WE HAVE BILLS THAT NEED TO BE PAID OFF, HE CARRIES THE INSURANCE, AND I'M JUST SPINNING IN CIRCLES. OUR BILLS WILL BE PAID OFF IN AUGUST OF 2009. THE THOUGHT OF COPING THAT LONG IS HUGE TO ME. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COPE WITH THAT TIME SPAN. HE BLAMES ME FOR EVERYTHING. HE'S VERY CHILDISH. I'M SO UNHAPPY I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. WE'VE BEEN TO COUNSELING. WE'VE TRIED EVERYTHING THAT I KNOW TO DO. I REALLY DON'T WANT ADVICE ON FIXING MY MARRIAGE, I'D LIKE TO HEAR FROM SOMEONE ABOUT COPING. I FEEL LIKE THIS SOUNDS HARSH, BUT THIS IS JUST THE VERY TIP OF THE ICEBERG.

Sounds like he's better off without your judgmental, you were raised right, he was raised wrong attitude.

You write how he was raised wrong, and then complain about him being childish and critical.

Hello?

Isn't focusing on how someone was raised, or even the idea that there is a right side and wrong side of the tracks childish and blaming the other person?

Good gravy, are you criticizing him, or criticizing yourself?

So cope with the following: You are projecting your own stuff on him, and divorcing him will not fix your issues. When he's gone and things are still bad, when you are still childish and judgmental, who will you then blame?

He may be everything you say he is. I'm not questioning that. I'm asking you to look at yourself and see if what disgusts you about him is seeing yourself in him, and not liking what you see.

Even when he's gone, those things about yourself will still be there.

Enlightened_Ex #2142184 10/15/08 11:32 AM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 19
M
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
M
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 19
I READ WHAT YOU WROTE, BUT I DISAGREE WITH YOUR JUDGEMENTS OF ME WHEN YOU ONLY KNOW WHAT I WROTE. YOU SOUND LIKE A VERY ANGRY PERSON TO ME. CHILDISH AND JUDGEMENTAL....ME???? YOU'RE SO WRONG.

moonriver #2142186 10/15/08 11:33 AM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Originally Posted by moonriver
BUT I DISAGREE WITH YOUR JUDGEMENTS OF ME WHEN YOU ONLY KNOW WHAT I WROTE.

skeptical


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
moonriver #2142202 10/15/08 11:42 AM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 333
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 333
This is the third thread you have started where basically you say the same thing... that you and your husband are from different backgrounds; that you have trouble communicating; and that you are on the verge of divorce.

Can you elaborate on how he treated your children badly? You also mentioned abuse by your father, your first husband and now your second husband. Can you elaborate on that too?

Is it possible that issues in your past are affecting your ability to work out your differences?


FBH, 39
Now a primary custody dad
New life began June 2008
moonriver #2142216 10/15/08 11:47 AM
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
Originally Posted by moonriver
I READ WHAT YOU WROTE, BUT I DISAGREE WITH YOUR JUDGEMENTS OF ME WHEN YOU ONLY KNOW WHAT I WROTE. YOU SOUND LIKE A VERY ANGRY PERSON TO ME. CHILDISH AND JUDGEMENTAL....ME???? YOU'RE SO WRONG.

well, count me as angry, childish and judgmental as well. I think EE was accurate.

medc #2142236 10/15/08 12:03 PM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 19
M
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
M
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 19
I'VE TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE FOR ADVICE AND ALL I RECEIVE ARE BITTER REPLIES FROM WHAT SOUND LIKE BITTER PEOPLE. THANKS FOR NOTHING. I CAN LOOK IN THE MIRROR EVERY DAY. I HOPE WHEN EACH OF YOU NEEDS HELP OR ADVICE FROM SOMEONE, THAT SOMEONE KIND IS THERE TO HELP AND NOT JUDGE. WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND.

Enlightened_Ex #2142238 10/15/08 12:05 PM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 19
M
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
M
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 19
I ALSO WISH YOU WERE MARRIED TO HIM. YOU'D SEE HOW HARSH YOU'VE BEEN VERY QUICKLY. DON'T BECOME A COUNSELOR...IT DOESN'T SUIT YOUR PERSONALITY AT ALL.

moonriver #2142242 10/15/08 12:08 PM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,037
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,037
Please turn off your caps-lock key.


I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
charliethree #2142243 10/15/08 12:08 PM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 19
M
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
M
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 19
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I'M A VERY PRIVATE PERSON. I WILL NOT DISCUSS MY LIFE WITH THIS GROUP ANYMORE. ALL YOU'VE DONE HAS BEEN MORE DAMAGE. I WISH EACH OF YOU A WONDERFUL LIFE AND PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME OR ANYONE ELSE UNTIL YOU'VE WALKED A MILE IN MY SHOES.

Pariah #2142245 10/15/08 12:10 PM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 19
M
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
M
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 19
BECAUSE???????????????? I USUALLY TYPE WITH THEM ON. DOES IT OFFEND YOU?

moonriver #2142319 10/15/08 01:07 PM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 147
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 147
Originally Posted by moonriver
BECAUSE???????????????? I USUALLY TYPE WITH THEM ON. DOES IT OFFEND YOU?

It is simply email etiquette -- capitals usually indicates shouting. From www.emailreplies.com :

10. Do not write in CAPITALS.

IF YOU WRITE IN CAPITALS IT SEEMS AS IF YOU ARE SHOUTING. This can be highly annoying and might trigger an unwanted response in the form of a flame mail. Therefore, try not to send any email text in capitals.


Me: 32
H: 37 - left 4/3/08
No children
Married 9 years; together 12 years

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." (Hebrews 11:1)
moonriver #2142327 10/15/08 01:12 PM
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
Quote
I WILL NOT DISCUSS MY LIFE WITH THIS GROUP ANYMORE.

BYE

medc #2142345 10/15/08 01:23 PM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted by medc
Quote
I WILL NOT DISCUSS MY LIFE WITH THIS GROUP ANYMORE.

BYE

rotflmao

black_raven #2142359 10/15/08 01:35 PM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,736
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,736
Originally Posted by black_raven
Originally Posted by moonriver
BUT I DISAGREE WITH YOUR JUDGEMENTS OF ME WHEN YOU ONLY KNOW WHAT I WROTE.

skeptical

So far, the only one who disagrees with my assessment of your post is you.

If you are still here, you complain about him being critical while criticizing his upbringing (Which he has little control over. None of us choose our parents, where they live, or how much they make, etc.)

So are you unable to see how that makes YOU look critical, and childish since it appears you are unable to grasp that he had ZERO control over his upbringing.

I asked you to look at yourself to see if you were being critical, etc.

Instead of doing this, which was my means of teaching you how to cope, since you are going to have to live with yourself regardless what happens during your divorce, you chose to be critical of me.

I was clear to say that you may be right about him. I don't argue that your husband is or isn't all you want him to be. He could be 1000x worse than you describe him.

None of that would change the fact that you are critical and apparently childish.

Your "running away" is further proof of immature behaviors on your part.

Ciao


Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (dugdales76), 675 guests, and 60 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
kyliesmith, Quaff, cole ramsey, Airlines airport, Rick Jones
71,989 Registered Users
Latest Posts
How Qatar Airways Nicosia Office in Cyprus Assist?
by dugdales76 - 06/05/25 05:07 AM
Frontier Boston Logan Terminal Your Ultimate Guide
by Airlines airport - 06/04/25 05:29 AM
BA name correction policy
by Rick Jones - 06/03/25 11:59 PM
Flights from Atlanta Georgia to Tampa Florida
by Sofiaromano - 06/03/25 12:42 AM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by risoy60576 - 05/24/25 09:12 AM
Advice pls
by Steven Round - 05/24/25 06:48 AM
I didn’t have a chance
by Open Leaf - 05/20/25 07:15 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,627
Posts2,323,509
Members71,990
Most Online3,224
May 9th, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5