I KNOW I WILL BE DIVORCING MY HUSBAND OF ALMOST 14 YEARS. WE ARE CULTURALLY DIFFERENT MEANING I WAS RAISED "PROPERLY" AND HE WAS RAISED "ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TRACKS." IF THAT OFFENDS ANYONE, I'M SORRY. I'VE TRIED SO MANY TIMES TO MAKE THINGS WORK, BUT I JUST CAN'T GET THROUGH. WE HAVE BILLS THAT NEED TO BE PAID OFF, HE CARRIES THE INSURANCE, AND I'M JUST SPINNING IN CIRCLES. OUR BILLS WILL BE PAID OFF IN AUGUST OF 2009. THE THOUGHT OF COPING THAT LONG IS HUGE TO ME. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COPE WITH THAT TIME SPAN. HE BLAMES ME FOR EVERYTHING. HE'S VERY CHILDISH. I'M SO UNHAPPY I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. WE'VE BEEN TO COUNSELING. WE'VE TRIED EVERYTHING THAT I KNOW TO DO. I REALLY DON'T WANT ADVICE ON FIXING MY MARRIAGE, I'D LIKE TO HEAR FROM SOMEONE ABOUT COPING. I FEEL LIKE THIS SOUNDS HARSH, BUT THIS IS JUST THE VERY TIP OF THE ICEBERG.

Sounds like he's better off without your judgmental, you were raised right, he was raised wrong attitude.

You write how he was raised wrong, and then complain about him being childish and critical.

Hello?

Isn't focusing on how someone was raised, or even the idea that there is a right side and wrong side of the tracks childish and blaming the other person?

Good gravy, are you criticizing him, or criticizing yourself?

So cope with the following: You are projecting your own stuff on him, and divorcing him will not fix your issues. When he's gone and things are still bad, when you are still childish and judgmental, who will you then blame?

He may be everything you say he is. I'm not questioning that. I'm asking you to look at yourself and see if what disgusts you about him is seeing yourself in him, and not liking what you see.

Even when he's gone, those things about yourself will still be there.

I READ WHAT YOU WROTE, BUT I DISAGREE WITH YOUR JUDGEMENTS OF ME WHEN YOU ONLY KNOW WHAT I WROTE. YOU SOUND LIKE A VERY ANGRY PERSON TO ME. CHILDISH AND JUDGEMENTAL....ME???? YOU'RE SO WRONG.

This is the third thread you have started where basically you say the same thing... that you and your husband are from different backgrounds; that you have trouble communicating; and that you are on the verge of divorce.

Can you elaborate on how he treated your children badly? You also mentioned abuse by your father, your first husband and now your second husband. Can you elaborate on that too?

Is it possible that issues in your past are affecting your ability to work out your differences?

well, count me as angry, childish and judgmental as well. I think EE was accurate.

I'VE TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE FOR ADVICE AND ALL I RECEIVE ARE BITTER REPLIES FROM WHAT SOUND LIKE BITTER PEOPLE. THANKS FOR NOTHING. I CAN LOOK IN THE MIRROR EVERY DAY. I HOPE WHEN EACH OF YOU NEEDS HELP OR ADVICE FROM SOMEONE, THAT SOMEONE KIND IS THERE TO HELP AND NOT JUDGE. WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND.

I ALSO WISH YOU WERE MARRIED TO HIM. YOU'D SEE HOW HARSH YOU'VE BEEN VERY QUICKLY. DON'T BECOME A COUNSELOR...IT DOESN'T SUIT YOUR PERSONALITY AT ALL.

Please turn off your caps-lock key.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I'M A VERY PRIVATE PERSON. I WILL NOT DISCUSS MY LIFE WITH THIS GROUP ANYMORE. ALL YOU'VE DONE HAS BEEN MORE DAMAGE. I WISH EACH OF YOU A WONDERFUL LIFE AND PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME OR ANYONE ELSE UNTIL YOU'VE WALKED A MILE IN MY SHOES.

BECAUSE???????????????? I USUALLY TYPE WITH THEM ON. DOES IT OFFEND YOU?

It is simply email etiquette -- capitals usually indicates shouting. From www.emailreplies.com :

10. Do not write in CAPITALS.

IF YOU WRITE IN CAPITALS IT SEEMS AS IF YOU ARE SHOUTING. This can be highly annoying and might trigger an unwanted response in the form of a flame mail. Therefore, try not to send any email text in capitals.

BYE

So far, the only one who disagrees with my assessment of your post is you.

If you are still here, you complain about him being critical while criticizing his upbringing (Which he has little control over. None of us choose our parents, where they live, or how much they make, etc.)

So are you unable to see how that makes YOU look critical, and childish since it appears you are unable to grasp that he had ZERO control over his upbringing.

I asked you to look at yourself to see if you were being critical, etc.

Instead of doing this, which was my means of teaching you how to cope, since you are going to have to live with yourself regardless what happens during your divorce, you chose to be critical of me.

I was clear to say that you may be right about him. I don't argue that your husband is or isn't all you want him to be. He could be 1000x worse than you describe him.

None of that would change the fact that you are critical and apparently childish.

Your "running away" is further proof of immature behaviors on your part.

Ciao