trying to work on getting past shock and awe to the point i can work on marriage. each day seems to be a flip. some days i know i do (mostly for the 2 kids sake, but some that WW is good), but some days i don't (how could anyone do this to someone they love). my biggest problem at this point is the fact that since the first child was born, some times wife is "not in the mood" due to tired, sick, headache, whatever. fine, good husbands do not pressure. however, after finding out about ONS, anytime some excuse comes up, first thought is "don't feel like SF with me, but after 6 hours with someone you barely know already jumping in the sack. WTF?

Part 2: i don't think i could ever do that to someone i love (hence the hard part understanding) little lone my children. however, there is this thought in the back of my mind that once children are grown (17 years), what if i had the opportunity to cheat? before it would not even be an issue, never would want to. but knowing what happened seems to make it ok. if WW could not stop herself, why should i be able to stop myself? why would i want to stop myself?

do these questions ever go away or get better? i am not a bad person and do not want to be, but it seems that morals fly out the window when you know how your supposed true love failed so miserably.

Hello, I sincerely am sorry that you are finding yourself in this place and time in your life...Welcome to MB...

It will get better, you're emotions are running high right now...probably swinging from one extreme to another...

I'm sure that you are just like the rest of us in the fact that you really want justice but the higher ground is the road that needs to be taken...two wrongs don't make a right, not matter how you look at it...Intergity...you know?

What has your wife done to make amends? Can you provide more details like where they met and the circumstances so that we can provide you with more help?

Have you read everything here? How affairs begin, the steps to recovery, etc...

I understand that you are really hurting right now...please read everythign that you can in the articles section...I also recommend that you purchase a copy of Surviving an Affair and His Needs, her Needs...

HurtandShocked,

I hear you as far as SF goes. My wife was 6 weeks pregnant & puking every morning when I busted her with OM at lunchtime.

Nice, huh?

"I have a headache" still boils my blood.

Look through some of the topics I started shortly after I joined MB. I'm sure you'll find something of interest.

This is going to be a tough year... maybe more.

Hopefully you can work it out.

Hang in there.

krazy,
this is original post...if link does not work just look at all my posts. it is the one that says NEWBIE like number 3 or 4.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubb...in=153240&Number=2134423#Post2134423

thanks for encouragement

From your first post:
"I’ve heard all of the “anger prevents your healing”, “don’t waste your energy hating OP”, and “you need to forgive your WS” points of view. Is there not ONE person out there who feels the way I do? Someone who feels they will never be truly at peace until they’ve exacted revenge? That’s me. I don’t like it and I don’t seek to continue feeling this way, but it is what it is."

Sounds exactly like me...uncanny!

HANDS,

Of course there are, I'm still looking to get even with my now BIL who groped my wife when I was dating her years ago. I know he frequents bawdy houses and I want to get some evidence to bust him to his wife, right now I just have a witness.

How much more so would you feel then, towards someone who had your 26 year old wife of your 2 children. He disrespected your children in doing this too.

God Bless
Smooth