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Short Story
WS had a 4 year long on again / off again affair.
Broke it off when I found out, did about half of MB stuff, didn't want to continue, it "made him feel bad about himself". It has been 6 years since I found out. At the two year mark I caught him talking to her on the phone again. I haven't caught him in anything since then, but that could be that I am an idiot.
New Story
He knows where she works and every time we drive past there he makes a point of staring at the place until we pass it. Even when I am in the car, he can't seem to keep from trying to see her. I mentioned it too him today and his only response was, "yea, I do that, sorry" I don't really know what to do, or how I feel about it.
I'm looking for responses on how others would handle this situation.
Jenna1
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I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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I don't really know what to do, or how I feel about it.  hmmmmmmmmmmm I suppose that until you know how you feel about this, you won't know what to do about it. So, HOW does it make you FEEL? Start there.
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I agree with Pariah. Your H is being plain cruel and insensitive by doing that. He can't feel too bad about himself if he still acts like such a jerk.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Jenna,
""I'm looking for responses""
As you see him staring, SLAM ON THE BRAKES! and after his head bounces off the windshield, give him the back of your hand hard right across the bridge of his nose, all the time screaming at him, with spittle flying from your mouth, SHOW ME SOME RESPECT **edit**
This of course should only be done if YOU are the one driving.
Him doing this is VERY disrespectful and should be brought up AT THE TIME it is happening. Like when the puppy poops on the floor.
IMHO
kirk
Last edited by Revera; 10/15/08 04:25 PM. Reason: profane
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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I like that.
By the way, how do the moderators know when people are profane? Do they read each and every post or do searches for bad words? Just curious, they sure seem to catch them all.
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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I like that.
By the way, how do the moderators know when people are profane? Do they read each and every post or do searches for bad words? Just curious, they sure seem to catch them all. Some select words are automatically edited out by the server programme.
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday 
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How do I feel?
Stupid. That would be my biggest emotion. When will I learn, how much do I have to ignore before he realises I have value... Mostly I just feel tired. I don't really want to deal with it anymore, it's not that I want a divorce, I don't want anything - him, divorce, to finish MB, anything.
What do I want to do?
Well the suggestion about slamming his head into the windshield did, I must say, give me pause... just the visual of how incredibly satisfying that would be. I want to tell him, "look, obviously she has something you feel you can't live with out, go to her - right after you move out with all your stuff" Then maybe I could finally move on.
J1
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I love the q's you are asking yourself  How do I feel?
Stupid. That would be my biggest emotion. When will I learn, how much do I have to ignore before he realises I have value... Mostly I just feel tired. I don't really want to deal with it anymore, it's not that I want a divorce, I don't want anything - him, divorce, to finish MB, anything. Ok so what actions can you take that will allow you to feel like you are not being stupid? Standing up for your self, looking out for youself are not automatic responses like breathing. We actually have to make an effort to do them and they certainly are not supid moves to make. What do I want to do?
Well the suggestion about slamming his head into the windshield did, I must say, give me pause... just the visual of how incredibly satisfying that would be. I want to tell him, "look, obviously she has something you feel you can't live with out, go to her - right after you move out with all your stuff" Then maybe I could finally move on.
J1 Check out the divorce forum, people who take the D option dont have an easy a path to move on either. Seems like that would be easier than dealing with reparing an M after an A but in reality not so. A's really rock the core of a BS and no matter which path the marriage ends up taking, the Recovery for a BS seems to be a bumpy uphill hard road. IMHO focusing on personal recovery and what you need in order to achieve that might give you more clarity and peace with the answers you seek. I am sorry you find yourself with this bum deal but for what its worth I think you are asking all the right questions and walking the required recovery path to find the right answers
FBW(me)- 45
FWH- 53
D-day 4/29/08
Moving forward pursuing happiness & a loving Marriage with DH.
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Jenna, OK, this really caught my attention... "how much do I have to ignore before he realises I have value""What the HECK are you IGN[b]ORING[/b] these disrespectful and dare WE say purposeful slights he seems to enjoy tormenting you with?? The more you IGNORE it the more comfortable he will be DOING it. Go BALLISTIC on his cowardly, pouting little boy self!! And if he tires of it and moves out....well..... ""right after you move out with all your stuff""...you said it!! Or maybe he will get your drift and understand that you WILL NOT put up with his crap anymore. Maybe he might gain more respect for you if you stand up to him and show him a back bone. Maybe....maybe not. Or continue on the present path....until....what?? Sometimes the aftermath is more toxic than the tragedy of dday and ensuing drama. IMHO kirk
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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