That would be someone ELSE'S Kobayashi Maru.

You have your own to think on.

No one's outcome is the same. How do you make the best choice for EVERYONE in your life?

My KM is far different than yours, yet it is working. What will make yours work?

I was just making a joke.....

You cant quote ST and not expect me to respond with something... And I though it would at least make you chuckle...

I do hear you, and its a very apt analogy.

Oh, I chuckled.

Can't you hear the laughing coming from the South?

Mine's the one that is awfully sinister sounding.

I like quotes...

Something just dawned on me...

I was watching my movie last night, the one I always watch when I am down, Revenge of the Sith, and The emperor

"To cheat death is a power only one has achieved"

I bet he was talking about Spock.

Hee.

Did you hear they're making a new Star Trek movie? The guy who plays Sylar on Heroes is Spock.

Yeah its due out in May, there is a teaser trailer...

http://www.startrekmovie.com/

I hope its better than the last TV Series.... I fear if this movie flops it may just be the death of the franchise.

You didn't like Enterprise?

I adore Dr. Phlox.

When my 18 year old discovered that girls were much more interesting that he had initially thought, he had the BIGGEST crush on Seven of Nine.

Nah, cant say I ever got into enterprise...

I can say every guy that watched ST had a crush of Seven. When she joined the cast the ratings went up, no lie... And I dont think it was the acting...

I didn't like the Temporal War story line, but I ADORED the Andorian angst in the earlier seasons.

Jolene Blalock was better as Ishta on Stargate than she ever was as T'Pol. I don't think she is near enough to Vulcan so her character was very contrived vs. natural.

The best thing about the andorians was the actor who also played weyoun in DS9. I loved weyoun, he sad some great one liners.

And of course quark, favorite ST character by far.

Now Quark was a dude who was true to his nature.

Well, I have not posted in a while so ill give an update.

I have a second call with Steve tomorrow, I have lots to ask him. Still going to mass frequently and talking to my priest. He gave me a reccomondation for a shrink to talk to as he cant assist me as he thinks I need. I will call tomorrow, however with no insurance in short order I am not sure that I can go more than a few sessions until I get a new job.

Had 2 phone interviews, one call back. I went in for the face 2 face and thought it went really well, he said he would make a decision shortly. Its definitly a step down, and probably will ned up being a large pay cut assuming they offer it. It would be a three month at will contract and assuming it worked out for both parties, then a full time employment with benefits and all the bells and whistles. Applied for others but not heard back.

Zora had the head of the chuck this weekend, I sent her a email wishing her luck, and a message on facebook after she was already down there saying I was thinking of her. I guess she did not feel like answering, thats ok. I dont want to bother her, I just wanted to let her know I would be thinking of her.

I dragged myself to a faire Zora and I usually go to every year, I wish I could say I enjoyed it, but I did laugh a bit at this one fire eating juggler. He a riot, and he had an updated act this year. Other than that it was very hard not to think about her while being there. She loves kettle corn so I bought a bag and had my friend delive it to her on his way home. I guess he chatted with her for a few min, said she seemed well and was having a party over the house.

Other than that Ive been up and down alot. Sleeping a few hours here, few hours there. I force myself to workout every day... Had a massage, that was the only time in the past 3 weeks I was not stressed, it was very relaxing. trying to spend more time with friends and less alone. I have dinner with my best friend and his mother who I adore and was like a second mother to me growing up later this week. I am going to see if Zora perhaps wants to grab dinner later in the week I think, unless something happens where I feel like that will be a bad idea. I will discuss with Steve tomorrow.

I have yoga tomorrow, first class is free at my gym... We shall see how that goes. Ill give it a shot. Its 40 dollars for 5 classes after that...

I have had the dogs as zora has had guests at the home for a few days... Its been very nice having them around, they run on the beach every day and play so much. I love seeing them so happy.

And ive been reading... I must say I feel like such a loser and cant believe how much these books apply to me. It makes me so depressed reading about how badly I treated her even when I though I was trying to fix things. I though I was the good guy alot of the time being the giver, but I was also the taker way to frequently. I was such as a$$, i guess thats why they say hindsight is 20/20. Anyways, still reading, finished surviving an affair, about 1/4 through love busters and another book I was reading at the same time.

So I wish I could say things are great, but they are not. I could so easily just sink into a hole so deep and hide forever. I am trying not to, so far I have been sucessful in forcing myself to do the things I need to do. My friends push me to.

Last night I was in a particuarly depressed mood, every one of my friends down here and even someone who is just an passing acquantenace notices how off I am. A very wise old man, I like to call him Uncle Buck, just told me it's time to rebuild. Thats my new thread topic - Silverwind - Starting to rebuild.

I will use that for a while, as I try to rebuild alot of things. Myself, my self esteem, etc.. of yeah, and rebuild my employment status.

Thanks all,

Still praying,

Silverwind

How many resumes are you sending out? How much time do you spend each day looking for a job?

Probably 7 maybe, there has not been a lot out there. Every day I check for new postings. In addition to the actual applications, ive let all my "networking" contacts know I am available. Several people have shot my resume out to regional managers and such. We will see, its a bad time to be looking. Bad economy and companies are trying to keep new expenses down to end the year. There is usually an influx of new jobs in January when everyone has a fresh budget.

I think you need to send out more than 7 and also go door to door. I used to put out 100 resumes, and ALWAYS got a job quickly, and I don't have your skills.

I am applying for just about anything out there right now...

A also am working with a recruiter now. It's just a bad time of year regardless of the economy and with sales down for just about everyone, no one is looking to add payroll.

I am trying, believe me. My mother is also sending me jobs daily.

And to be honest, I cant look for more than a short while. I wish I could say I can sit for hours and look, but I just dont have it in me to concentrate on anything. I try and keep busy with anything and everything, but sitting around my computer just depresses me. I am hoping there are new postings tomorrow, weekend has been slow on job postings.

i dont know about door to door... Not for an IT position, ive never heard of that or seen anyone do that.

Are you taking anti-D's?

No. I am seeing a shrink this week on the advice of my priest but I cant keep that up too long due to lack on insurance.

I have always been against them, meds that is, because I know from being with Zora for so long that they just make you numb. She stopped taking her's.

I am of the belief that feeling numb to life is not a solution. I may be wrong, and I am sure I will get grief for this, but I believe the solution to life's problems dont lie in meds, but in yourself and your faith in friends, family, and your religion.

Well really, they don't make you numb. They help you do what you need to do.

Well, Ill see what the shrink has to say. Ill tell them what I think, but ill go with their what they reccomend. Obviously following my gut has not worked out to this point.

Just talked to Zora, she seems so good. She made the front page of the paper for rowing, I saw that at my friends earlier and showed everyone down here. I was so proud of her.

I though for a moment she was happy to hear from me, but its depressing when she talked about her friend who came to see her with her kids and dogs... I feel the same way, I see friends on face book with all their families and here I am at the low poing of my life right now. And from the readings I am doing, how badly things got screwed up up by just not learning how to treat each other right. I asked her to maybe grab a bite to eat and watch some of the game later in the week, assuming the red sox make it, and she was very hesitant.

I am giving her her space, I dont pester her at all, but I must say I feel better after talking to her. After 13 years its hard not to, she was at the first bar I was ever at last night, she took me there.

How am I suppose to let go of all these feelings? How am I suppose to learn to move on when I am just starting to see so clearly why everything happened? It all seems so foolish, and how easily we could have righted this ship at any point over the past 8 years. It just seems like such a waste. I know she is happy now, and I honestly want nothing else for her ever, I never wanted her to be anything but happy but just did not know how to do it and I got so down on myself because I was convinced it was my fault we had our issues. (It was my fault mostly, but not for the reasons I thought at the time).

I know people recover from situations like this, weather as a couple, as friends, or as individuals, but right now its hard to see that.

I wish I could say I was doing ok, but I am really not. The more I read, the more I see how many chances there were to not be here where we are right now, the more sad I get. I try to tell myself its so you dont make those mistakes again, and I know that is a good thing, but its so painful now to know everything going on when it could have been so different. It could have been something beautiful.

I know this is a step back, but if I cant be honest with myself and people here trying to help, i have no chance to recover myself.

I am doing the right things for myself, but its a fight every second of every day.

Sorry to babble, but I just need to.

Silver