I found this site through a neighbor of mine who says MB saved her marriage. She urged me to post and basiclytold me I would be bombarded with help. Heres my issues.

I discovered the first part of August 08 that my wife of 3 years had set up a profile on a web site. This website is sort of like a facebook, get to know other people and network yourself website. While its not a 100% matchmaker website, it does have those options. On her profile she stated that she was looking for friends and "serious dating". She had pictures of herself and her daughters on there. I saw this and was devastated to say the least. I brought it to her attention. She said that all she was doing was chatting with people and was networking trying to find a decent job. At first I demanded that she delete the profile but then demanded that she at least change the profile to remove the serious dating and that she acknowlege she is married and has a step son. I also demanded that she put in her narrative that she is only looking for chat buddies only and not for any encounters of any type. She reluctantly agreed and changed it in front of me. Three days later she had changed it back because she told me she gets better hits with it the other way. I was livid. She said she was just having fun chatting and getting romantic proposals etc. I have been noticing that since she put up her profile, she has been going out almost every weekend. (I work the graveyard shift). She called me one night while she was out telling me she was on her way home. Her phone didnt disconnect and I heard her giving her phone number out to a guy. Now comes the end of Sept. Wife calls me from work so happy that someone gave her flowers (Dozen red roses) I asked her where she got them from and she stated that a lady who was leaving for another job was thrown a farewell party and this lady gave them to her since she couldnt take them home. They were from Marty I found out later. After a couple of weeks of her wanting me to take a weekend off so her and I could go out, my boss let me have a week off. (We're short handed at work) I saw her getting ready to go out. Thinking that we were going out together, I started getting ready. She then told me that she was going out without me. When I told her that I was going because thats why I took the time off of work, she said "Well, I'm not going then". I couldnt see due to all of the red flags flying in my face. She told me that she was going out with a friend of the family. I know this guy very well and trust him with my life. She handed me her phone and told me to call him. He didnt answer. I did notice another guys name on the call list named Marty. She had just called him 30 minutes prior. She said he was just a friend. I called Marty and informed him that she is married and to cease contact. I continued to look at her cell phone and started reading texts. She had been texting 4 different guys that week alone. She was telling 2 of them that she loves them and cant wait to be with them. One of them was making arraingements for a motel room. Another one was texting "Where are you, are you on your way yet". All the next week my wife was trying to make it better, I love you so much, I would never cheat etc. etc. Well, the next Saturday rolls around and I told her I would call in sick so we could spend time together. This woman started an arguement with me so I would get frustrated and go to work. To make an already long story short, I ended up coming home to find her driving out of the subdivision. I followed her to a motel where I saw her GET OUR 2 YEAR OLD CHILD OUT OF THE CAR AND TAKE HER INTO THIS MANS MOTEL ROOM !!!! I waited on them, got my child, told her I hope he was worth it, and left for the weekend with my daughter after making a police report about her endangering our child. I am a police officer myself, so I needed to document this for my jobs sake and my daughters safety. Since then I find out different things almost every day like more texts late at night from a high up executive in her company (A MAJOR telecommunications company which used to be called Cingular) He is trying to arrange get togethers with him and her. HE is married, with three kids. I found out last night that Marty is still in the picture, they were even talking MARRIAGE. He is sending her info on his health benefits which he intends to put her and the kids on. After I found this, she said she wants to stay together. She called Marty and made a half baked break up speech with him then actually was crying because she just broke up with a man she has known for 2 WEEKS!! My marriage is so complicated, she is bi- polar, has anxiety disorders.... I just need some help before I go nuts.

usedandabused

Protecting your DD needs to be the first thing. I wouldn't leave DD in your wife's care even for five minutes. Is she on medication or should be? Why did she and H#1 divorce?

This might not be the help you're looking for, but my advice is: - take full custody of your child, and "get out of Dodge".

Your WW sounds like a whole heap of trouble tied up in a nice pretty bow: bi-polar, likely sex-addict and completely dishonest. And you're M'd for only three years? It's quite likely this behaviour of hers continued before and during those years. You're not going to be able to change her. SHE needs to change herself, and I suspect that there's no real willingness to do so on her part.

Remaining M'd to someone like that is likely to make the rest of your life a living Jerry-Springer-type nightmare. Your child's life as well.

I would contact HR at that national phone company. Usually large corporations usually have policies against work place affairs. When you contact they will take appropriate measures to end the work plac affair.

Then you need to expose this affair without telling your wife before you do so.

You must tell the OMW's, WW parents and WW siblings.

If the OM are single tell them she's married, and expose to their parents and girl friends.

She does take medication. I MADE her see the Dr. I took her there, went in the office with her for support, talked with the Dr. with her. She is the type who hates to take any kind of pill so she does miss doses. Her meds seem to change her for the better, her attitude at least. Her last hubby?? She SAYS she left him because he was lazy and wouldnt work. He is the only father of her 3 other children who stands up and supports his child. I dont think I have had the whole story there.

Wait a second - are you saying that she's got 4 children with at least 3 separate fathers?

"The Scorpion and the Frog" story immediately comes to mind.

Her last hubby likely "got out of Dodge" too, when he realised what was actually going on.

You should too.

I'm going to, you know, after reading this website I realized I was thinking about myself. You all are right, his wife deserves to know. Although I dont have hard evidence of an actual affair, this man has been e-mailing my wife late in the evenings to make arrangements to get together with her, he e-mailed her to meet with him at the mall for a day at the carousel with his kids. I checked and found out that the wife checked daughter out of day care several hours early around that day. He texted her telling her his wife was out of town and to call him. Even though it is not proof positive of an affair, it is still improper behavior on his part. (The context of his texts) HR is definately going to find out.

4 children, 4 fathers, including me

There are other issues I cant say right now, it has to do with a custody battle, if it comes down to it. Legal things. I'll reveal them later when atty. says ok.

Sorry, I know you are probably looking for advice to save your M but your wife sounds like a train wreck. Cut your losses now.

Bipolar people are often promiscuous during the manic phase, it sounds like this is your wife's MO.

She's very ill (as you know), and NEEDS to take medication for life. She's clearly not willing to do that. You can't make her, but you sure as hell can protect yourself and your daughter.

I'm far from an expert, but I don't think this bodes well. Cut your losses now and move on.

BTW, did you W bring DD into the motel room if so the OM in the hotel room is also guilty of endangerment or corruption.

NJ

Yes, she did bring our daughter into the room. They were in there for about 15 minutes before they all came outside where I caught them. In my state, if they had sex while daughter was in the room, it is considered Felony Child Molestation. She swears they did not have sex. 15 minutes is enough but I cant prove they had sex because she has told nothing but lies. She will lie, and stand by her lie until I find out different, only then will she admit. Also, Adultry, in my state, is against the law. Its a misdemeanor and I can swear out a warrant on her and him too since he knows she is married and is having sex with her. I told her that just bringing our daughter there is putting her in danger.... This guy could be a serial killer and you have only been chatting with him for a week??.. She said to me that an attorney told her she didnt do anything wrong as long as our daughter did not get hurt. Can you believe that bunk??

Hey usedandabused is here because I sent him. I don't know if you guys remember me but I would love you guys to help him the way you helped me and my family. I am going to make a new post for you u&a to get you the help you need. By the way I am no longer D.I.G. my fam and I are all doing great and I couldn't be happier.

Sounds like it's time for a Lie Detector test. See if she will agree to one.

My advice remains though - get away from this as fast you can.

The really hard part is now there are 4 children caught up in her whirlwind of madness.

what state do you live in?

I agree, when she told me last night that she will stay with me for our daughters sake AND she called Marty on the phone and gave him a half baked never want to hear from you again story, I said no way. What really sealed it was she was actually crying because she broke up with Marty, the guy she only saw twice and has known for about 2 weeks. She says "He made me feel special" MADE YOU FEEL SPECIAL??? !!! You only saw the guy twice and have chatted for 2 weeks. You are getting info from him about his medical insurance which he plans to put you and the kids on when you get married. He changed your name on his e-mail to read your maiden name-his last name. This man and her are actually talking MARRIAGE. I was so disgusted.

I live in GA

Used and Abused I am bringing in re-enforcements for you. These are the people who helped me.

Hello UsedandAbused,

I totally understand what you are going through. My mother-in-law is bi-polar and in the 5 years I knew my wife she had at least 3 affairs and my wife is other bi-polar or has Borderline personality disorder. Not sure which because she refused to get help. She ended up running off with so guy 15 years older than her that is total trailer trash and then got knocked up by him.

The best thing to do is what you probably already know yo should do. You know that you need to get out. She does not want to take her meds and is not remorseful one bit. It takes two to fix a marriage and she just wants to rotate guys in and out of her. Save your sanity and do what is best for you and your child.