After a year long struggle with numerous affairs that my WW has been having, she agreed to go to counseling and commit to working on our marriage this week. Her and her latest boyfriend had a big fight which prompted her to want to work on our marriage.

Long story short, today is our anniversary and tonight we were going to grab some dinner and then go to our first counseling appointment to work on our marriage. I sent her a nice card telling her how much I loved her this morning and she didn't respond. I looked in her email and found out that almost immediately after receiving my email she emailed a picture of her in bed with OM him telling him she was thinking of him.

I won't go into the details of the past year, but it has been surreal. I need help as I feel like I am dead inside and don't even want to go to our counseling appointment tonight and just want to end it. The pain is just too much. Feedback needed quickly before I do or say something that is counterproductive.

That is pretty cold. Several affairs just in the past year?

With 90+ posts here I assume you have been working a Plan A through that time?

Print the pic on a 8x10 glossy, frame it and give it to her for an anniversary gift along with a Plan B letter as you escort her to the front door.

Get a lawyer today and protect your finances.

You don't have to live like this.

Yes, been through Plan A like a champion for over a year while getting kicked in the teeth repeatedly. She has jumped from one guy to another and each guy she figures out they are a liar and a cheater. Fairly ironic when all she would have to do is look in the mirror to find those qualities.

SHO NUFF!!

Then in my opinion, given your discovery today I would go right to Plan B just to insulate yourself from her narcissism, and frankly would initiate Plan D immediatly.

It's time.

Your WW is cruel...plan D. Plan B if you want but I wouldn't bother. If you can stand being around her and bite your tongue a bit longer, I'd take her to dinner (assuming she'll go) and print the photo you found wrapped up as a gift. Give it to her at the restaurant and once she sees see it tell her she can eat that and you hope she chokes on it then leave her [censored] there. Make sure you have the car keys beforehand. Don't take her home or drop her off somewhere just leave. If she follows you to the car, tell her to call her stud for a ride.

Whatever you do, I'd do it with full gusto and give her the royal FO that she deserves.

The reality is, you're the "fall-back guy" for your WW. The one she falls back to, when she's "in-between" As, and she'll do as little as possible to keep you around.

Why do you want to continue in an arrangement that has you playing the part of a guest in a Jerry Springer type drama? Exit.. Stage Left.

WOW MiN,

I have been told by some of the best here that my WW is one of the, if not the, most cruel WW's they have ever heard of. You deserve immense respect for putting up with your WW's multiple A's and bed-hopping for a year and staying in plan A. You must be a man of strong faith, or have some really good drugs...

I agree with the others. It sounds to me like your WW comes home when things don't go great with the OM du jour, and then she immediately starts looking for the next one, crapping on you and your feelings in the process. Until she has some respect for you through your actions, i.e. willingness to say goodbye for good, she'll never be back for good.

And I say that as a member of the "she had no respect for me club." For me bc i was a whimp for too long...

Just trying to hang in there for the sake of my daughter while sacrificing every bit of self respect I have. I know you guys are exactly right and have known for months now that this was the case.

I am well past needing to go to Plan B or D and will be doing that today. I don't see any productive purpose for throwing the picture in her face on our anniversar although that would be a temporary satisfaction. I think I would rather just get the divorce done simply and easily without turning her into more of a lunatic than she already is.

Man,

Man Oh Man Oh Man....you have been through the wringer, to say the least.

I went back and skimmed through your past threads. WOW!! You ought to go back and review them too. IT WILL FIRM UP YOUR RESOLVE TO DO THE BIG D as quickly as possible.

You have been living in a soap opera, my friend assuming your pain and day to day suffering is your "normal" life now. You can be sooooo happy, peaceful and calm by not being involved with this TOXIC woman.

""She is 36 years old and the new OM that she is TM'ing hundreds of times a day is 24 years old and in law school. I also just found out that he sent her an extremely vulgar video clip via his Blackberry.

This seems like she is suffering from a mental illness or a mid-life crisis of some kind. This is not at all like her behavior prior to the affair several months ago.""

Look familiar??

""I think I would rather just get the divorce done simply and easily without turning her into more of a lunatic than she already is.""

Something switched off in her brain back when it all began, and she has become the "lunatic" you now are living with. It seems to border on EVIL!!!

Get the divorce as quickly as you can. NO WAVERING!!

If she objects and whines to you...THEN flip her the 8 by 10 glossy and say "you have GOT to be out of your mind"!! Plus our daughter WILL NOT BE EXPOSED TO YOUR TOXICITY.

Stay strong!!

IMHO

MIM,

I am sorry to hear your pain. It occurs to me that since you have access to her email you could simply CC the email to everyone in her address book and yours for that matter. I think that exposure is supposed to be essential to the process here.

""you could simply CC the email to everyone in her address book and yours for that matter.""



TALK ABOUT LUNATIC ACTIONS!!! JUST WAIT TO SEE HER IN ACTION AFTER THAT!

i would print the picture, send the email as you are walking out the door for dinner, and leave her a$$ at the restaurant. She has been walking all over you for way too long and you need to stand up for yourself. For you and your daughter's sake.

Also, you need to be divorced so your daughter does not learn that these things are ok, or natural. I assume you don't want your daughter to grow up like your WW

Hanging in there for your daughters sake helps her how? If the goal of hanging on to 2 parent home is provide stability and happiness for your DD it appears to me that sacrificing self respect cannot achive that.
She cant learn self respect beacuse you tell her to have it. She will get self worth and self respect beacuse she will SEE YOU achieving it for yourself.
Dont know about what affects boys growing into men but as a female I can tell you that girls learn strenght from seeing strenght around them. Girls learn from role models that they see. As an adult I see women (and men) with courage and self respect and that allows me to find the strenght within me to be stong and have self respect.
IMHO your "hanging in there" may appear to be helpful to her for the short run but very damaging for her in the long run.

Now putting aside the issue of kids in a marriage, how long can you take the abuse you are getting. I am sure you have some arbitrary breaking point set in your mind. If she does this(fill in blank) then she is out.

And how many of these lines has she crossed?

You have to take an honest assement of why you continue to be in this relationship (kids or no kids) and then find the strenght and courage to do what is BEST FOR YOU !
The only productive purpose of presenting her the framed picture would be that it might work as a wake up call for her to see how bad things have gotten and a way for you to express that you will no longer be letting her cross every line you draw in the sand.
A marriage is 2 people walking together . If you continue to carry the entire load then your marriage will end either beacuse you fall down from exhaustion of carrying her around on yoru back or she catches a different ride, which ever comes first.
We can all see how difficult this choice is, no one wants to take any steps towards ending their marriage. Most of us here are here on this site cause beacuse we want to build our marriges better and stronger than before we came here.
That being said Plan B for you at this point might allow you to regoup and gather your thoughts and let you see your stich the way us here (who are not emotionally invested with your WW) see it.

I would expose WW by forwarding that email to everyone.

Then I am sadden by reading that you have been plan A'ing for a year.
Dr Harley recommends for a BH to plan A for only six months. And, that's if the BH can handle the pain of his WW doing the OM for six months. At least try for three months.

However by going past 6 months is showing the WW that her BH is not one to respect because he is being a door mat while the OM being with his WW.

Being you are trying to save your marriage for your daughter then you need to go directly to plan B.

Hand her your plan B letter tomorrow morning. Go completely dark. Have all messages go through a third party. No phone, IM, email, mail, nothing direct.

Tell her you will stay dark until she gives up OM, goes to IC, moves back in with here parents until then she is not to have direct access to you.