We have had a difficult marriage. He is a gambling addict and it has caused financial and emotional hardships. Because of finances he has worked away most of our marriage. I regret now not trying to earn more money to help. But we have a young child and I wanted to be home in the evenings and I admit there is resentment towards me working hard for him to gamble it.

Anyway I found out last year he has cheated on me. It was very hard. Then we are stuck in one of those stupid mortgages that kept going up. He went out of state to work but we made a better connection before he left and he promised to work on our marriage. He held me and said he loved me and would be back. We visited in Feb and March and although I could tell the seperation was making us even farther apart. We had spark and he did promise again that he did love me and wanted to come home. Gave me a beautiful V-day card. We have fought over his constant gambling is causing further finacial problems. But he has repeated that he loved me and wanted to come home.

Our 10th ann not even 2 months ago he sent me a beautiful text (I was at work) that was so sweet I was crying. Just a few weeks ago he cried on the phone saying he wanted to come home and when I asked if for just our daughter or for me too. He cried and said me to. That he loved me and wanted to come home and be my husband. Then he he disappeared and was what I assume was on a gambling spree losing several checks. HAlfway through he sent a text saying he loved us but we deserve better than him. We talked a little then as soon as it was payday he was back to not talking.

Thursday night we talked and he said he wanted a divorce. By the end of the message he said he would apply back home. The next day he sends me a text and says he couldn't tell me but he has someone he is seeing. I didn't fly off the handle but I did over do it with crying and begging. I know I shouldn't have but it threw me for a loop, even though I know reading this you are thinking stupid me for being surprised. I guess I knew we had problems but thought we could work them out since we had been together for 15 years. Since we were 19 and 20.

He has no desire for counseling. Says it is too late. A few years ago he did ask and stupid me said no, that the problem was the gambling and he needed to deal with that. I know that is a mistake I will regret for the rest of my life.

I know we have a connection and besides the gambling don't fight. That is when we are together. It has been him working apart almost all of our marriage that is the problem. You can't be close to someone you only see a couple of evenings a week.

I am one of those that fights for her family and does not believe in divorce. In 15 years no man has come close to even turning my head. When we are together and he looks into my eyes I can see there he loves me.

Well anyway to make this even longer I have pissed him off and he has threatned me if I call him for anything other than business.

I don't know what to do. Is there anything to do?

Lots. Read everything on this site. Order Surviving an Affair and read that. Meanwhile, post your situation on the General Discussion forum. There is more traffic there.

He has a serious, extreme addiction, no less severe than any drug addiction. If he is unwilling to address it with professional help, you will never have a decent marriage. No amount of counseling would have made a bit of difference. Back away and let him reach rock bottom and come out the other side; then see what you can preserve in the marriage.

This has to be HIM wanting it, not you.

I would apply for some sort of spousal and child support too. In some states it's the only unpaid bill you can go to jail for. It's what he might need to come to terms with what he's doing.

My heart goes out to you and your family. Do not feel you should have known about the other woman, my husband had his ow for over a year before I found out. My husband also has a sexual addiction. He has been gone from home for over a year now. He is living with the ow. She leaves ever so often and then will come back. She was gone for the months of July and August and then came back around the fifth of September. He took her back even though the time she was gone she had lived with two other men. He thinks he is in love but it is just his addiction that keeps him going back to her (wanting something he can't quite grasp)I tell you that because addictions are pretty much the same if you have it and it leaves you your strive even harder to get it back. With gambling it may be the money or the thrill of winning. He found another woman because she does not make him feel guilty about the gambling. Even if you never said anything about his gambling he would still feel guilty because he knows within himself it is not right and that he is taking money that his family needs and gambling it away.
The path that I am taking is not for everyone but I am standing for my marriage. Soon after I found out about the ow I started praying about what to do and this was my answer, up to that point I did not even know what standing was. Even though my husband and I are by law divorced I still conduct myself as married. I pray for him daily and there are things going on that shows me God is dealing with him.
Whatever you decide to do may God bless you and lead you.

Thank you.

Kathy that is kind of how I feel. It is like he is two different people. I know that man inside that I feel in love with is still there. It is the gambling addiction that has torn him away. I ussually knew when he was gambling just from the way he acted. The guilt makes him a different person. I know it this part of him that is attracted to her and if there are others I don't know about. It is just a self destructive cycle. The more guilt he feels the more self destructive he is so the more guilty he is etc. etc. Seems like every thing I do or don't do makes him mad.

Right now he feels it is his unhappiness with me that makes him self destructive. I hope he sees it is his addiction that causes it, not me, before it is too late.

I don't think I will ever give up waiting for him to come home.
Pathetic I know.

No not pathetic at all. That is my intention, "till death do we part". I pray allot, really allot . Let me share some sites with you that you may want to check into. I started my stand alone and with no one to understand. I have to tell you this is one of the hardest things I've ever done but the Lord will see me through.

http://www.rejoiceministries.org/

http://www.cprmarriageministry.org/

God bless you. I am not on this site very often but will try to check back for a while to see if there is anything I can help you with.