Good Morning James!

I was wondering if you could post the lyrics to that song, because even through I listen to alot of music from that genre I was having trouble with the words...I really like the beats...I can hear your influences in the licks...

Very impressive...I heard the announcement for Voodoo festival in New Orleans this coming weekend...the line up is sweet...to die for...

Also have to commend you for a healthy outlet from all of the BS stuff...like most, what I listen to in my car is something else...

Eph turned me on to 12 Stones, so I have them, you should check them out...they are originally from Mandaville, LA...Christian at that...rock/metal kinda...they are my fav right now and have been for some time...if I would have known Christain music sounded so good I would have started listening to it a long time ago! LOL

I'm like you guys through, country is my favorite genre...but I love some blues and jazz...I think that it's a mood thing...

Now this is from memory.. our singer is blind so there's actually no 'written' lyrics to any of these songs... so forgive me if I'm missing something here and there

My Regret - Born Under Burden
Lyrics - Andre Young

You break yourself free
from all your commitments
Lying to me
you're trying to hide your face

My regret
Say goodbye
To your best friend
I'm saying goodbye
Don't extend your hand

You were the last thing
That I thought I had left
Now you're preying on me
You take from me

My regret
Say goodbye
To my best friend
I'm saying goodbye
Don't extend your hand

Because no one was there for me
When I was straight
Trampled on
You said/claimed that you would
You swore that you would
Lying..

So where were you
When I got cut?
So where were you
When I needed you?

My regret
Is just you

SWEET! How Ironic, huh? :RollieEyes:

You know I have been thinking about starting a new thread but am really unsure as to where to put it...you know I still have to work on my stuff...

Reading into things, I think that's wrote into the genes of women...LOL...having to remember that you guys say exactly what's on your mind and nothing more or less...it is what it is...That has gotten me into trouble more than once this week...

LOL, certainly don't want to do a TJ right here...

Do appreciate you taking the time to write the lyrics down...for sharing that...

Have a great day, it is what you make it!

Yeah.. irony is helping your singer at the time (previous band) write a song about infidelity around the same time you meet your future WW... a story for another time perhaps.

I know exactly what you mean about still having issues to work through.. had yet another dream about WW last night.. it's odd..

In these dreams.. and several others I've had throughout my life, I live in this huge house that looks pretty broken down on the outside, and maybe 3-3.5 stories in height with overgrown gardens and a gravel drive to a broken down garage I've never 'been' in.. but on the inside some floors are immaculate.. wonderously archetectured... but mostly I stay to the first two floors.. a cozy but dim and dingy living room with a clean but smallish kitchen and a stairway going up to the second floor that has a broken door that hangs oddly on its hinges.. the second floor is a hallway with a few bedrooms.. plaster missing on the walls exposing the wooden slats beneath.. but almost hidden behind a boarded up passage that I get the feeling I'm not technically supposed to go into or know about... or that the passage -to- them isn't quite 'safe', but it's where all the truly 'rememberable' dreams take place.. are grand bedrooms.. gamerooms.. sitting rooms... tea rooms.. like an old style English manor.. the 'penthouse' is a large marble floored bedroom with an olympic sized swimming pool... but there's a little room in a tower that reminds me a lot of an efficiency apartment (I know.. makes no sense.. but hang with me)..

In the dream there were a lot of people in 'my house'.. friends of mine.. family.. extended family.. my in-laws... wonderboy's mom and brothers.. and of course the kids (who typically occupy themselves in the pool or the gameroom.. go figure).. and then there was WW... it was a party atmosphere.. but WW and I quickly moved to the 'tower' room.. with it's pastel blue walls like I had in my bedroom when I was a child and polished hardwood floors.. there were a few people in there.. friends of mine perhaps.. and I remember kicking them out.. practically begging them to give WW and I some space when they would occasionally interrupt... and we spoke in kisses.. and there was remorse.. from both of us.. an acknowledgement that this is where we belong.. that things are hard.. but worth it.. and then Wonderboy appears and peeks his head into the room... and I remember waking up for real sitting straight up in bed mid sentance.. 3AM.. actually speaking the words.. 'But I need you to understand.. he can't ever be part of our lives again..'

Yeah.. I've still got issues to deal with.. ghosts in the manor so to speak..

I imagine a lot of it was triggered by seeing DSD again last night.. and the fact that earlier in the day I corrected the sign in sheet at daycare.. Wonderboy had signed in the kids.. got DS's last name right, but replaced DSD's with his own.. which I found very disrespectful to DSD's grandparents at least.. so I scratched it out and changed it to the proper name. The maturity level is astounding..

Just reminds me though that maybe my 'done'-o-meter might not be pegged... I know it's dang close though


I dunno.. the reading into things and making assumptions about peoples motives was probably the most frustrating thing WW did during our marraige.. and it happened so often it really started to turn me off to a lot of our conversations.. something for me to work on I suppose.. being understanding that it may just be how women are wired.. It just seems more trouble than it's worth though to turn a percieved slight into a wedge between people.. The whole hatred between my mom and WW was exacerbated dramatically by the both of them doing this..... frequently.

Not comparing you to WW Rin.. not at all.. just something that came to mind.. I'd rather someone tell me exactly what they think so I don't have to put in the effort to read into it.. raw data is fine.. even if it's not something I want to hear.. I've got a pretty good filter IMO.


No guarantees on their total accuracy mind you.. it's what I remembered and don't have the tracks here at work... net-nazi (corporate IS dept) blocks myspace so I can't go back and listen to make sure.

Day's turning out to be pretty great so far

Mornin', James. Thanks for the link. Not quite what I had pictured but not too far off either.

I can see how your music is a release - and how another genre might just not be enough. I generally listen to classic rock, country, and some pop that I endure for DDs and then learn to like. I could sit for HOURS and listen to an acoustic guitar. If I was ever alone for hours, that is.

More to say, but I have to run DD15 to the orthodontist. Be back.


Fox

Yeah.. and I think the guy on Survivor is Ace... who isn't older than me.. according to the website he's actually 5 years my junior..


Of course.. I still get carded all the time.. so I'm not complainin .. and it'd be much much worse if I didn't have the face fur.


Yeah.. this genre of music is certainly an outlet for my frustrations and anger... it's great excercise performing it live as well


I'm with you totally on the acoustic guitar thing too.. Unplugged was the best thing MTV ever did.. until they started having the likes of Pink, and Kanye West on there.. should have just started a new show called acapella..

Hey!

You said "Peter Gabriel" and "King Crimson" in the same sentence!

That makes you a cool dude, IME.



-ol' 2long

I looooooove me some Tony Levin.

Yep, the guy is Ace. How'd you know that's who I meant?

Yipes, for some reason I was thinking he was in his 40s, which would make you MUCH younger. Huh.

I think it was more the particular scene that reminded me of the swimming conversation of a while ago. He's way too arrogant to remind me of you for long.

I'm glad that DSD responded to you. I'm sure it stung - but you reminded her that she is not invisible to you, even while hiding under a blanket.

I was thinking the other day - and this scene with DSD and your convo with Rin brought it back a little. I'm not quite sure how to explain it......and I'll say it in reference to what I do and maybe you can see it in women around you.

I need to feel wanted and sought out. I will withdraw, not wanting distance but wanting to be closer. I want to know that if I move, "he" will move with me. Showing me that I am important enough that he recognizes that I moved and important enough for him to ask me about it. That ACTION of him seeing a change and doing something about it speaks volumes.

Why do I withdraw instead of just telling him I don't feel that he is aware of me, you ask. Because he can tell me all day long how important I am to him and the words fall on deaf ears. ESPECIALLY, after WxH's infidelity. Words are meaningless without the follow up. I felt invisible and meaningless in my marriage.

'course, if my needs were being met, I wouldn't feel the need to withdraw. My insecurities would be calmed and I would be busy meeting his needs in return.

I'm not saying this is the right way to handle things, just what I found myself doing in my marriage.

DSD may be "hiding" in hopes that you would reach out to her. Maybe she is afraid if she was unhidden, she would be emotionally naked and would feel rejection from you more deeply than if she was "hidden" and then could justify your not speaking to her because you just couldn't see her. KWIM?

You did good - and she will hold that close to her.

Fox

I hear you loud and clear...I didn't think comparsion, I thought trigger...

I think that my stuff is dealing with a new R and the result of being accused as a BW...I was accused for so long and I'm sure that many came relate...of not doing this, not doing that, being horrible at this, or terrible at that...

It's not something that I was aware of previous that I did...I'm a meat and potatoes kind of gal...

I've got some trust issues, not like Oh, is he going to cheat on me thing...

As far the dream, wow, I ahve no clue about that one or what you could be telling yourself in them...if anything at all...

just so vivid!

LOL, I had to take care of something and forgot the whole thought process, oh well!

Huh... now -that- is a connection I hadn't made Foxy..

And you know what.. given DSD's personality type.. and all that she's been through.. I'd say you've got a better than normal shot at being right on the money here..

Hmm..

I can't emotionally afford to chew on it long.. it hurts way too much to spend my time on what DSD 'might' be thinking when 'my' little 'cuddlebug' (Yup.. Bugsmom isn't the only one who cornered the market on this affectionate term.. thing is DSD HATES any kind of creepy crawly) is normally very vocal about what's bothering her.. but it's something to keep in mind for sure.


At any rate.. you've done my heart some good today Foxy.. thank you for that..

THAT SPEAKS VOLUMES RIGHT THERE... oH, HOW i remember the withdrawing...hoping he would notice...pay attention to the change...and then FIX IT! Talk about it! Something, anything, positive...

More often, I got negative...if anything...

I think there could be something to what Fox is saying about DSD...I would have hidden...scared, nervous, out of sight, out of mind...still wanting to be rescued at the same time...

You did good James...Kudos!

I think we all get this Rin.. and TBH it's probably the most hurtful part of the whole process, because it's what sets us early on in blaming ourselves for something that we didn't get a choice about.

Sure.. some of it is probably valid enough to consider and learn from.. so it's natural that you're second guessing the results of your efforts with a new R.. you're eager to see if the changes you've made in you 'work' on someone else..

Truth is.. acknowledge your anxiety about it as a -good- thing, that you are aware of yourself and are taking someone elses feelings into consideration as well in relation to areas where you've struggled in the past.. if the R is a serious one, or becomes one.. it might be useful to share some of that with your guy.. not so that he can watch out for it necessarily.. but a good man will be helpful in aiding you meeting that need, or will alleviate your anxiety by letting you know just what a wonderful job you're already probably doing.


Hey.. there's some really great meat and potatoes kinds of guys out there. Actually.. I think this can only increase your opportunities for success.

As for the trust issues.. no decent person could blame you.. and while it isn't an 'is he going to cheat on me' thing specifically.. I think as BS's we're just generally more aware of things that can potentially hurt us.. and we're probably quicker to enter into the withdrawal state of interaction to protect ourselves... especially those who have spent a long while in Plan B.. It'll take some time to break -that- habit now that you've developed it as a defense mechanism... I wouldn't worry though.. the right guy will know how to handle that.


Yeah.. very vivid.. but to be honest I've dreamt of that house and the rooms inside so often.. I've kind of figured out that the rooms are basically different aspects of my life.. shades and colors of me.

The dingy living room and the tidy kitchen are pretty typical a description of my persona.. I'm very routine driven so everyday life can sometimes seem dull and dingy.. the things that happen there are unmemorable.. the kitchen is important maybe because it's neat.. which means it's something I enjoy.. but it's mostly unremarkable because it's just one of life's necessities.. probably only prominent in this dream because I haven't been cooking for pleasure much in the last year.. Suffice it to say.. nothing, and I mean nothing memorable has ever happened in these rooms.. I'm just aware of them..

The upstairs/bedroom changes from time to time.. sometimes it's nice and tidy.. it was for the majority of my marriage.. but in the last year of it.. parts of the 'drywall' have started to chip away.. probably telling me that I knew something was amiss in my relationships.. but now the bedrooms look almost disgusting.. with the walls deteriorated.. maybe even rotted.. no suprise there eh?

The other rooms? Well.. I don't know.. I think each says something different about me.. but why they're hidden or I feel I'm not supposed to access them... or that accessing them can be dangerous.. I really don't know.

The game room is the best example.. it's like a little Chuck E Cheese in there.. video games.. huge screen TV's and a full stage set up with all my instruments to play... this is joy.. this is release.. this is.. well.. a way I can reward myself.. I don't think it's any coincidence that often in these dreams I find myself trying in vain to find this room.. or having forgotten it altogether.

The penthouse bedroom is important.. but here probably isn't the best place to get into that one.. but it's a very personal place, and probably not for the reason you might think.

The tower room though.. well.. I end up there a lot with WW.. particularly since all this started.. and it seems to be a 'safe' place for us to let down our shields of anger at eachother.. and once that happens.. well.. reconciliation has always been the outcome when the dream ends up here..

Maybe it's the part of me that is still hopeful.. could be why the room seemed so small last night.

I dunno.. I've been going over it in my head all day trying to figure it out... but I'm no Joseph..

Sounds like my DD14...... on everything but the affair and divorce - never the affair and divorce.

I so wish she would be vocal about it, I think it is very important to her healing and recovery. She just doesn't seem able......or willing.

Might consider the risk of loss to be too high.

Fox

Or.. as I suspect with DSD.. she doesn't -really- want to know the truth.. what she's built in her head suits her better and probably doesn't paint the 'adulterer' in her life as badly as the truth would.

Foxy

I haven't spent much time considering this or anything

Yup.....that, too, I'm sure.

It's probably an "and" instead of an "or." I don't think there is a simple explanation that encompasses all of what happens in their heads.

They are probably in the same sort of mad mental scramble as the BS is to figure out what is going on and why and who is to blame.


James Right back at ya, buddy.

I understand the struggle not to think on it too much. Especially when you cannot help her find a solution.

Take care,

Fox

I have a broad range of music tastes as well.


That sounds like Flick and I.
I would have to say my 'top band' would be pink floyd, but I love anything and play whatever to suit my days mood. I have a preference for kiwi music, but also metal, rock, rock n roll, alt, punk, classical, operah, pop, a small amount of country, folk, jazz, not so keen on rap, R&B, western or hip hop.
I have 10,000 songs in my MP3 player, set to random so i can listen to greenday, then sarah brighton, the beatles, christine lavin then maybe pantera.

James,

Wish I had time to really catch up here, but gotta get to work. I did check out the link,,,,,,,,,,,,,I appreciate your talent & those of the entire band, but the music isn't really my 'thing'.

Some really good discussion going on,,,,,,,keep pouring it out here as it sounds like it's good for you to let some of it out. Especially with regards to the kiddos!

Hope you have a great weekend - - -I'll try to catch up later!!

Aww.. thanks for droppin in Bugsy.. been missin you around here

I know my music isn't going to flip everyone's switch.. or even the majority.. it's just an outlet for me. I don't think I'd ever -want- to be famous.


......at least not until after the D



No seriously.. not for me.


Anyhow.. yeah.. getting the stuff out about the kids is good... venting my anger here is good.. means I can let go of it and go on I think.. at least that's what I'm telling myself.

I hesitate to do it sometimes though.. because I think it fuels the whole.. 'James your WW is an evil b1tch'.. thing.

Which then triggers my 'defend your wife!' programming..

And the results are never pretty..

It's a system loop I need to do a rewrite on.. but it just doesn't feel right to let people talk crap about her.. even if they're right.. -I- feel disrespected..

Can't really explain it adequately I guess.. but I know it's a large part of why I stay so angry at WB.. His very existence in our lives is disrespectful to her.. to our children.. to our families..

I did however mention to someone the other day.. we were talking about ice pick lobotomies... an old topic I did some research on in college.. and I mentioned that I only knew one person I'd love to give one to, were I exempt from the law for a day or two.... two days would really allow me to do all the work necessary for him to earn his way into my good graces..

Ugh.. I'll stop before I get too detailed.. but did you know in the old days they used to be able to emasculate male sexual predators by shoving an ice pick through their nose, and into a specific part of the brain? Pretty cool huh?

For me, that's because I had to admit that I made a mistake...I failed, I didn't do good enough to keep what I had...it's the little perfectionist in me wanting to come out...not the part that reminds myself often that bad things happen to good ppl and I was powerless over another individual to "get" them to work out the marriage...to make the changes for a better future...

Still felt it fell on me...

it's certainly not my choice that POWS is the way that he is...chose to do what he did...he disrespected himself in the process...chose to live without integrity...

But I chose him...did his choices reflect on me? I thought so for a long time...I believed that I wasn't good enough and all the other things I was told...WS bull...

Takes some time to feel differently...IDK if I'm off the mark on this one but I was relating...if I defended him, then i was defending me...