And it seems like she might be cheating. All of the signs are there.

She told him that she wanted to move in with a male co-worker. She said that there were too many people in my son's house and they never had privacy.

My son is devastated. He said she never complained about anything.

I told him to let her know that he wanted her to stay. Her reply was that she was still not over her ex-husband and needed to find herself.

I really think that she is starting an affair. My son is clueless. Should I tell him that she might be having an affair?

Sure. I would tell my son that, Believer, without a doubt. It would be your OPINION. I mean, moving in with a MALE coworker???

I know, Mimi. The guy lives much farther from her work. My son totally believes that she needs space. I'm so sad. He trusts her.

It'll eventually be made obvious to him.

I'd at least question HIM why it's OK with HIM for his GF to live with another guy.

I'd tell him to "MAN UP" but I have the OPPOSITE problem with my sons..they would be wanting to kick some butt..KWIM???

Mimi - I know, and I will talk to him. After reading here for so long, I see the signs. My son doesn't.

Speak the truth, in love.

Better to know before being married than after.

FH - I will talk to him tomorrow. I know that it is better that he found out now. And the hard thing is that I like the girl. They are both Christians. It is so hard to believe that this is happening to him.

Why? Happens to ANY OF US..the BEST OF US...I never would have imagined it would have happened to ME.

well, first off, yes...have a talk with him. Let him know the signs of her cheating (I assume that they had an exclusive relationship).

Don't dwell on that though. Show him that IF she is pursuing another man, she isn't worth his time.

I happen to know more than 1 male/female roommates situations that are not a relationship.

believer - They may BE Christians, I can't speak to that.

But it sure sounds as though the "actions" don't seem to line up with "walking the talk," if you know what I mean.

But regardless, most of us around here know that things like "poor judgment," even infidelity, all of which are rooted in sin and sinful disobedience to God, can affect Christians as well as non-Christians.

Yes, tell him. Point out the red flags.

Well, still mulling it over in my mind.

She wants "space", wants to work on herself and see a counselor. She needs to be alone. There are too many people where they live now.

The co-workers home is farther from work and there are 4 people living in the house now.

She also doesn't want me to know that she may be moving. We are very close and I will miss her very much.

She said that her time for having a child is running out. My son told her he didn't want to marry until he finished college. She said that she wants to marry him, that he would make an excellent husband and father.

So, do you think she is having an affair, or wanting to get married?

Can you consider it an AFFAIR if they are not MARRIED?

It may be BOTH of what you are thinking, though..seeing someone else AND wanting to get married.

You see, she is still RENTING and so there is not a COMMITMENT to your son, IMO.

My son is facing the same dilemma..well, his GF is.

In his case, HE does not want to live with her, because she is "just my girlfriend" AND he does not want to get MARRIED..although she does.

IMO, it's probably BEST for them NOT to live together but NOT GOOD for her to be living with another male at this point.

How come she can't live ALONE which I can understand. Financial reasons? Why not with another woman if all she wants is "SPACE"...

B,


How old is she?...and how long before your son finishes college?

Sounds to me if they really wanted each other....there would be room to negotiate something...it's not as if your son NEVER wants to have children or get married....THAT would be a dealbreaker!

...this is a good test to see how they handle differences.... powerstruggle? POJA? Propose MB principles as a basis for discussion between them?

....guess it also depends on how your children welcome input from you...you know what mean?

B I proposed something really strange for most parents with my daughter and her then boyfriend..... she was going to move in with him somewhere, paying so much they probably couldn't afford anything but the basics... which isn't actually that bad ... wait forever for Defence Housing... however she seemed a bit in and then out on the idea .... so I said to them both why don't you both stay home here and have the rooms at the back of the house? they agreed. I wrote to Aussie before hand ... he wasn't over the moon with the idea but thought it was better than shacking up in a humpy.

As it turned out they did that for about 12 months and it was my daughter who wasn't sure she wanted to marry. She had seen my affair and its crap and wasn't at all sure M was for her. Afairs just go on giving dont they.

His first deployment and then getting injured changed that ... married him 10 days before the next deployment ... just about frog marched him to the alter. Sometimes the doubts are real.

But I have to ask on this occasion how is moving from one shared house to another shared house different?

Holding out for the slim chance, maybe just maybe she is seeing if your son wants to really commit?

However my MB ears say that living with another man .... red flags, bells ringing .... I'm so sorry your son has to experience this. Hoping it doesn't turn out as it sounds.

AW

Well, the situation is still unfolding. When they wanted to move in together, I suggested they get married. I talk to her and to my son and told them the disadvantages of living together.

They both value my input. My son really doesn't think this is an affair - he is still reeling.

Oh Believer, doesn't it suck when our children are hurting or going through something that causes them pain.

How is your mom doing? Can I help there in any way?

Queenie - My mom is doing fine. She has been enjoying the nice weather and spending all of her time gardening. She is in remission now, although her doctor doesn't know if it will last a week or 6 months.

Her treatment was quite expensive - $20,000 each day, for an outpatient infusion. She had about 8 treatments and they put her in remission for who knows how long.

I'm glad for you both. If there is anything she needs, cleaning her apt, etc. Please ask.

You must be very relieved to have that happen. May it be a long remission.