I have been at my parents house with my son this past weekend. I want everyone to know that I continue to follow these posts with great saddness in my heart. I made such a horrible mistake. I am going to let you all know where I was when I "lost my senses". <BR>I was pregnant with my son when his dad was at the wrong place, at the wrong time. He worked nights driving a delivery truck. He stopped in a diner to get some coffee. (I know this because this was the last conversation we ever had.) When he went to pay the bill, and the diner was in the middle of being robbed. The gunman shot the cashier and my husband. The cashier lived. My husband lingered in a coma for about a week before I gave permission to remove him from life support. That was 4 years ago. I died along side him that day.<P>Last year I decided to go back to work. Believe me when I say that "dating" anyone was the furthest thing from my mind. But I got to start talking to TL's H. He never told me he was married in the beginning. I finally asked him if he had a family. From there it just progressed into a sort of relationship if you will. I knew what I was involved with was wrong, and I wished, and prayed for strength every single day to end it. And I thank God every day that he has listened to me and given me great strength and courage to do the right thing. I deserved better. TL deserved better. <P>I WAS WRONG. SO VERY WRONG. I can continue to say I'm sorry until I'm blue in the face, or in TL's words, until I finally choke on that piece of meat, taking my last breath. Her phone call stung me, more than I could ever write. I wish I could somehow transform myself into a different person, to be able to go to her and hug her and tell her how sorry I am for her pain. A magician I am not.<P>And for the record, I have not seen, nor talked to her H. I want her to know that he did not call me or seek me out in any way. I was 100's of miles away when that ordeal happened in their house. As for working together, I am extremely aware of how to screen my calls, and I have gone as far as removed myself from projects which I know would require my seeing her H.<P>I'm sure I will not receive any nice responses from anyone here, nor do I want any. So many of you are kind and compassionate and TL needs that because of what I have done.<P>P.S. - to my one friend that has kept in touch with me because of my one earlier post, thank you for continuing to be the strength that helps me through my worst days. You know who you are.

Mia, I didn't read your other posts.<BR>But I can understand your situation. THings happen and many times you hurt others, know we're hurting them, and still can't stop it.<BR>I'm glad you found the strenght.<BR>TL is very angry now, and she's hurting a lot. SO it is normal the way she is feeling towards you. I can see that you understand you responsability in this, and realise she has the right to that anger.<BR>Keep strong, and follow what's right. I'm sure that after what happened, you will be very carefull in the future regarding any mm that sross your path.<BR>I am also sure, that you will have a better future soon, as tl and her H will when she can let go of all the pain.<BR>DO take care, <BR>Kat<P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

Mia, <P>My first thought when I saw your name was, "My god, Mia, what are you doing here?" I even said it out loud. <P>I DO feel for you, honestly, but when you come here you invade TL's one place of solice. <P>You won't get mean words from me, but I don't agree with you coming here. And not because you wouldn't have belonged... but because she was here first and you knew who she was. That was very wrong. I would die a thousand deaths in her place, would feel doubly betrayed.<P>I do wish you continued healing. You know that I understand your pain, especially as a woman who made a HUGE mistake and is paying for it every second of every day. For what it's worth, I believe you now, just as I believed you when you apologized. <P>Be careful, Mia. <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Mia,<BR>My sister's son was murdered about a year and a half ago, and lingered in a coma for seven weeks before he died. My H's affair began within a few months, and I can't help but think that the murder worsened his depression and contributed to the affair. Rarely does a day go by that I don't think about it, and I doubt very much that my sister will ever even begin to recover. I have seen first hand the snowballing effects that murder can have on people's emotional stability and their lives, not that this excuses devastating additional lives by having an affair. I think that you are probably a good person, who has, as you said, made a horrible mistake - my H was a good person who is unfortunately still making a horrible mistake.

Mia, you sound like you've been through alot and I feel bad for your past situation. But I do wonder why you are posting here, how you found out about this forum and the intention to write. Is it to get help for you now or just to state your side of the story? I really think that's relevant because if you're not seeking advice regarding your own situation, I question the motives. Those who are trying to "set the record straight" don't need to do that here because I see this forum as a place of solace and help, not trying to defend one's actions against another poster.<P>I think maybe writing a letter to express regret would be a better venue for an apology. But if you need help on overcoming this and the guilt, I know of people here who would be happy to help you. Me for one... Take care.

Ya know, I really don't understand this "Tired Lady was here first, so Mia shouldn't have come." Huh?<P>Maybe you think Mia was attacking TL. Maybe you think she is unrepentant. But "you don't belong because TL was here first"??? C'mon. This isn't 3rd grade. It's a PUBLIC forum for anyone to seek help or guidance--EVEN the OP.<P>By the above criterion, I should tell most of you to leave, since I was here before you!

Oh Doug,<P>The more important point is that Mia KNEW who TL was - and also she was here first, not the other way around. Both matter. I should have looked at your profile first, but are you the betrayed? Think of how'd you feel if the man your W slept with came on her for a public apology. If you are the betrayer, would you even think to come here and apologize publicly? <P>I don't mean this to hurt Mia more than she's already been hurt, honestly. I AM Mia, in a way. But I would never, ever, ever add to the pain that the OP of the OM is feeling. And to come to this place, her only solice, would be wrong. And that's the last I will say since I don't want to add to Mia's pain.<P>Mia, again. I understand you. I do appreciate where you've been and how you've been blasted to death because of your mistake. I do wish you healing, very much so.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Hi everyone...<P>Do you think it is a good idea that Mia posted, so that TL can really see how remorseful she really is?<P>I am a betrayed person and if OW publicly apologized to me, I'm sure it would make me feel better and more forgiving.....

Now that I read all the posts that have to do with this situation I am feeling very divided.<BR>On one hand, if my ow had come to this forum to apologize, and I could see that she was really being honest about it, I would have liked it very much.<P>On the other hand, even if she was really sorry and trying to put things right, the fact that she was posting in the same forum I was, would make me feel very vulnerable, like she could read everything I was going trough, all the steps forward and backwards of the rebuilding of my marriage...all my thoughts and hopes....I wouldn't have liked that part.<BR>SO even though I would have liked the apology part, having her posting here would be very unconfortable to me, even if I really bellieved it was over and rebuilding was going well.<P>If Mia needs help to overcome her guilt I would like to help, like many others in this board. But I can see, why that would be very unconfortable being done in here.<P>It's a complicated situation...<BR>Kat<P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

I read what you wrote. I have known for a long time what your situation was. It is because of my unwillingness to ever hear a word you say that I know why you posted here. I'm sure this is probably the only way I would ever see your "side" of the infidelity.<P>You have as much right to write here as anyone else. But, I am not willing to forgive you for what you have taken from me. There are plenty of others who will "feel" for you. I won't be one of them.

I think shes here to rub it in Tired Ladys<BR> face. You can try to cover it up all you want to, it still stinks.

Mia,<BR>The tone in your posts say it all. You appear to be genuinely remorseful for what you have done. You have done your part as far as God is concerned: you asked for forgiveness and have repented from doing that which He has revealed to you as wrong. The only thing left for you to do is to pray that God will open TL's H's eyes in order to be the REAL (God defined) man that TL needed and still needs him to be. <P>God be with you!!<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by professorg (edited October 18, 1999).]

I second Rob's post. I believe you are sincere, Mia. I should know, I'm a betrayer too.<P>Hang tough .... continue to avoid contact with TL's H. You're doing GREAT! Just concentrate on yourself and your son ... the healing will come! (hey, did that rhyme????)<P>

Mia:<P>I have to agree with new_beginning... this is a really bad idea.<P>While I appreciate your efforts to show that you are very sorry for your mistake, this is Tired Lady's sanctuary, and you are violating that. I'm sorry for what you have gone through, but it's really immaterial to the purposes of <B>this</B> site... MarriageBuilding. Your presence here is only hampering TLs efforts in that direction.<P>Personally, I still go with my gut reaction: that you are someone who made a terrible mistake, not a terrible person. And you are certainly not here to “rub her face in it.” I just think it’s a mistake to post, mainly because to TL, it doesn’t <B>matter</B> what you have to say.<P>I do have one suggestion though... if you’ve read the MarriageBuilders principles, you know of the LoveBank, and how your account is thriving while TLs is seriously in the red. Her H is unable to think clearly now. Would you be willing to voluntarily bankrupt your own account with him? I mean completely... to the point of calling security and/or the police on him should he contact you at work? Not anything that would necessarily follow him for life, but a way to get him to really never want to be with you? Because until he gets over the withdrawal, I don’t think he’ll be working on his marriage. TL is unwilling to help him through that withdrawal, and even though no contact is preferable, any contact with you should be negative as far as he is concerned.<P>Doug: It’s not a question of being here first (which I agree with Maya... sounds more like kindergarten than third grade), it’s that this is a MarriageBUILDERS site. Mia’s mere presence is detrimental to those efforts on TL’s part.<P><BR>------------------<BR>No marriage was ever healed by the judicious application of hatred.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by WhoDat (edited October 18, 1999).]

By the way Mia, I also believe you are being sincere.<BR>I just think that maybe it would help TL more if you weren't here( unfortunately for her you will always be a sad reminder of what happened and something that won't let her let go)<P><BR>If you are feeling overwhelmed with the situation and your efforts to keep out of contact and need someone to talk you can email me, ( lwnd@hotmail.com ) but try to stay away from the forum, so tl can try to get on with her life and her marriage.<BR>Take care<BR>Kat<BR><P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

Mia's Choice, <P>I have to agree with Rob as well. You have given all that an OW could give to TL or any betrayed for that matter. You have true remorse, you've asked for forgiveness, you have promised to stay away from her H. TL has something many of us betrayed never get that being remorse and an apology from the OP. I think she will come to see that much further down the road, she is hurting too much now. <P>TL's anger is focused too much on you - unjust in my opinion. While what you did was terribly wrong, you are not the one who broke her marriage vow is was her husband. And no matter what you did her husband could have said "NO!" but he didn't. You have done all you can for her to help her heal from this. The past can not be undone. TL has a lot of healing to do. A lot of things to work out. I suggest you vacate her and her husband life forever. You have your own problems to heal from. <P>If you find a need to come back here, I suggest you do so under a different user name. I would suggest TL use a different username as well. She will not be able to post or respond as well knowing you are out there and knowing you know who she is. Both of you have lost your privacy here. Once you have been identified, you lose a lot from this forum. You are less likely to open up and thus you can not heal as quickly. <P>I hope the best for both of you.<P>SHA