Hi,
I'd like to introduce myself and my situation.
I have been married to D(!)H for 4.5 years. Been together for 6 years. He has two children 14 and 13 from a former marriage, and we have one child together who is 2.
I thought we had a relatively good marriage, understanding that it has had significant stress due to the interactions with his Ex. However, in retrospect, I added to that problem rather than diminishing it. In addition we had to undergo numerous IVF attempts to have our child.
In the course of the stress I have been guilty of angry out bursts.. but over time those had diminished. However in the early part of the year I had to do significant traveling for work, which was stressful on the whole family. And I allowed the stress to break out angry outbursts - I get that now.
In April DH told me he was not sure he wanted to be married. I later found out that this was after he had unsuccessfully attempted to start an affair.
We went to marriage counseling but it only seemed to make DH more angry and more desirous of leaving the marriage. My private coach suggested ending the sessions temporarily and working on changing my behaviour, to allow DH room to see possibilities and to decrease the pressure on him.
In July he moved into the spare room, and at that time took up with an old flame, who I believe is in a long term common law relationship. During this period his wedding ring was off an on. I continued with my program of being loving but distant, not fighting. Acknowledging his feelings, etc.
In Sept I got proof that he was having an affair, and told his mother, who called him out on it. We have not spoken about it other than his anger at me speaking to his mother.
My coach has felt all along that do to his extreme emotional reactions
- he is talks about death, life insurance, that he cannot cope
- he wildly spends money on pleasure items for him, but is unable to contribute to household expenses
- he has engaged in very uncharacteristic behaviour at home and at work
- he has cut himself off from all his close friends
- he has told absolutely no one that we are having marital difficulty
- he is ignoring his kids
- he is behaving so unusually at work that reports have been files with HR
that there might be an underlying depressive disorder. And our family doctor agrees.
The doctor has asked me to confront DH in from of the MD to try to get him on antidepressants before we again try to tackle any marital issues.. if my husband is willing to try to address them at that point.
He has just left for a weekend "alone" to handle his stress. But again he is going far away taking a plane staying in a hotel and doing other expensive things.. but "cannot help with some of the household expenses"
Thoughts and advice welcome
