You don't have anything to feel guilty for, nor did you do anything wrong.

He deserved to have an ultimatum put to him. The coward is choosing divorce over giving you some passwords? Why would you want to be with someone who values an email password more than his marriage to you?

You probably should've brought the hammer down long before now, and I suspect many other WSs should do the same.

"Do the right thing, or get the f_ck out."

I like it!

Recovery nation is an online site for support of recovering sex addicts and their spouses. Though, I will say that many who post on the partner's side have spouses who aren't in recovery.

It's up to you to decide whether or not you want to try and save a marriage with sex addict. The first step for him is for him to decide whether or not he has a problem and to seek help, from a place like recovery nation, a sex addiction counselor, or a 12 step program.

The first step for you is to heal yourself. I hear your pain. But you have to heal yourself so that you can make decisions based from a position of strength, not on the emotions you are feeling at any given time.

Work on yourself first. This is problem. You didn't cause it, and you can't fix it.

I though I had post this yesterday, but i guess it didn't save:

I feel much better now, the last two days have been very tough.
I am ready to slow down, take care of me and my recovery.

I know it will come in waves; the missing him, actually missing us as I thought we had it. The sadness, the happiness, the hope, the hopelessness.

But in general, I am not giving in. The only way to start reconciliation is the destruction of all secrets.

Although it is still scary and sad, I am taking a break from him, from worrying about what he does. I don't have to action towards divorce, it is too much burden at this moment.

He passed by last night to see his son and help a little. I took the opportunity to take a nice bath. I did became disturbed when I heard him talking about his new place and how he is getting a crib for the baby and want me to see the place so I'll know the baby will be ok. Of course that is a good thing, but hearing about his own independence was a tough hit to my already sore heart. But, to my surprise, I didn't ask him to come back.

He says he will continue paying the bills that he had covered until now and he will also pay for the daycare (we have an issue where I pay more bills than him, which further allowed him to have the affairs)

He reminded me he has therapy Wednesday and that he would want to be allowed to keep me posted.

He is picking up the baby today and bringing him home so I can go to my therapist today at 6:00PM

I have to thank you dearly, you were my anchor during a very vulnerable and critical time. I know it was "just" a couple of days, but what couple of days!

Thank you so much for keeping me sane, and most importantly, for encouraging me to make the healthiest choice.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

P.S. He is sneaking into my life again, he call me this morning to know if I was ok and when he left today he said "see you tomorrow" I caught myself calling him "honey" and feeling comfortable "Danger, Danger!!"

So I will explain tomorrow another boundary to him: he can not call just because now that we are in separation and he needs to surrender the home keys, if he is gone, he is gone. If he refuses, I am changing the locks.

don't take me wrong, I still hope we can end up together, but I don't have to figure it out now, I'll be busy helping me for a change.

I know this is what you have all been telling me all this time, but it just didn't make any sense to me. Now i see it clearly.

I arrived home after my first session and pass by the mailbox, his mail was there, I was twisting inside, but i didn't open it, i gave it to him "here is your mail" "thank you"-he replied.
It was very hard not to check
I though, this last time... and then not again, then i said to myself: No!, last time was the last time, no more compulsive checking.

At the therapy I realized I have my own addition, to check and to post. Posting is ok, but clicking on refresh every 3 minutes is too much...!!!

He recommended a book called "co-dependent no more"
also, I am to attend a al-anon meeting before out next session next Monday.

It might sound weird, i am excited. Talking about roller coasters believer!

Codependent No More is and excellent book. I hope you get it and read it.

And going to Alanon will help you.

It is good that you recognize the rollercoaster. Not fun, but it is what we all have experienced.