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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 8
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 8 |
I haven't posted much so you don't really know my story. My WH is the kind that wants his cake and eat it too! His strategy is to treat me wonderful, but have his girlfriend behind my back during the workday. For the last 9 months I have been fighting the battle with him to give her up. Been doing Plan "A" before I knew what Plan "A" was. Always hear "we are just friends" and swears he will end all contact with her. I had feelings that things had started again so I put a digital recorder in his car. Boy did I find out everything I needed to know! Actually, the conversation I overheard was she was telling him she is tired of waiting for him to leave me, so she was ending it with him. He was begging her to not break up and promised that this time he would leave me, etc. How he only loves her, that I am only his "family life", she is the one he loves. The next day I packed his suitcases and changed the locks on the doors. I gave him a letter saying he needs to leave because I can't take it anymore. I truly believe that it will be a matter of time before they are back at it again. They have been having their affair for 4 years! My WH is begging me to take him back. Swears he will never do it again and that they have broken up. When do I let him back, and how do I know they will truly end all contact this time? He has been gone a week ago last Tuesday. He has lied to me repeatedly for 9 months saying it was over, only to find out he never intended to end it. He treats me like a queen, but wants to have her too! Help!
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
Member
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Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464 |
He will be willing to quit his job and move to another state if he is serious.
4 year affair? 1 week Plan B. NO WAY that rings true. He is playing you again.
(((Hattie)))
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,390
Member
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Member
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,390 |
Hattie,
Wow, I had the EXACT situation - 9 months of that cr@p. I blew up too, we sold the house and I moved and went into Plan B.
I agree with Big K. He will quit his job and move with you if he is serious.
My condition - quit the job and call her in front of me. He wouldn't do it, so I knew he was not serious.
If you don't establish the boundary once and for all, you will live with this for another 9 months....
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146
Member
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Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,146 |
Hattie, I have quoted my wife's list of requirements for you to look at as an example. If he is serious, he will agree to do everything on the list. I hope this helps you. FOUR year affair - accept nothing less! REQUIREMENTS TO COMING HOME
Humility
Remorse
Surrender emotionally before me and spiritually before God
Godly sorrow (not fleshly sorrow) (Godly: sorry that I ever had the A & did this to our family. Fleshly: sorry I hurt you)
Authentic repentance
Owns his choices and the consequences they caused (to himself, me, children, extended family, friends, etc.)
Apology for the A and his hurtful actions before and after
Confession & apology to children
Confession to extended family & certain close friends that have confronted him
IC, MC, & Family C
Accountability forever to 3 men that I choose
Attend church again
NC Letter
Provide all cell phone & credit card records from this past year
Complete radical honesty about our entire history together
15+ hours together weekly
Pray with me daily
Polygraph
Post Nup agreement that provides for me very well if we ever divorce
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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