Matt,

My wife, who turns into a pumpkin if she isn't in bed by 9:30, called and talked to OM into the wee hours of the morning, sent him emails at all hours of the day and night, drove 350 miles out of her way during business trips to see him. She sent him pictures at 2am and called him at 5 to make sure he got them. She got up at 5 to call him while I was still asleep, emailed him while I was in the shower and talked to him all the way to work.


After D-day, she called him and talked to him all the way home after I had confronted her. She called him and talked on her way to spend the night with me a couple days later and talked to him all the way to work the next morning, beginning 5 minutes after she left my side. She called him within a minute of hanging up with me to tell me she had enjoyed our time together and called him the next morning a minute before calling to tell me she wanted a divorce.

Recovering nicely, thanks for asking...

It IS the addiction...

If you ever understand it beyond that, explain it to me...

I can't make any sense out of it.

Mark

Bud,

I've seen this story play out many, many times on this board. It's very sad and the story always ends the same.

It's a real life affair and she's doing a lot more than just talking to a guy online.

This is a real affair and physical.

I really hope I'm wrong. But I've seen this too many times and the story is too often the same one being told.

Wow you all..... no, sorry, a lot of you.......are assuming a lot of stuff. No, it's not a real life affair. My gosh LOL. He lives in PA, we in OH. Neither of our cars run right now so therefore she can't sneak and see him. I saw her at work Friday so I know she was there plus wouldn't I notice a pay difference? I have my facts straight. It's online. I have his phone number, street address with town and zip, real name, cell and house number I got from our phone bill. They've talked about meeting some time in the distant future, but haven't. In fact I just now learned from reading their yahoo chat from last night that he doesn't participate in the webcam business, it's one sided, it's only my wife doing it. I don't know........I'm hating this, but you guys and the real life thing.....trust me, she doesn't have time. Really. She's online ALL the time when I'm gone. I should know, I 'spy' on her.
It's hellish enough for the online crap to happen (he's not the only one, just the main one) but in real life? Really trust me, it's not.

I understand Matt, but get it arrested NOW, before it DOES become an in person deal...the ante will up...that's the nature of the addiction...Also, ANY affair destroys a marriage...

What is your plan?

Mrs. W

Then I'm glad I'm wrong, but what she's doing is an extreme emotional affair.

Call this guy and let him know you're on to him. Having a ticked off husband contact him might be enough to scare him away.

What she's doing is really sick.

Get the password on the computer and put a stop to this, but you need to take action now.

And don't dismiss the possibility that she's having a physical affair with someone else at work.

My ex flirted with and went out with 5 different guys (that I know of) in a span of 2 weeks.

There was online flirting (not to the extreme of your case, but bad enough) and dates.

So don't assume anything and take a stand.

She needs to come clean and you should confront the guy.

I'm happy to know you haven't had to deal with this guy and her getting physical, but what has happened is very bad.

I really hope I'm completely wrong.

I never meant to insinuate that the guy she's talking to online was the one she'd meet in real life. Quite the opposite.

I assumed, if she's doing it, it was another guy you are currently unaware of. Likely a co-worker, or someone she met through a co-worker.

She may not have much time, but a quickie only requires a few minutes, right?

Maybe you did get lucky, and she hasn't "graduated" to cheating on you in real life. You'd be one of the very, very few who did.

Even so, she IS cheating on you, she WILL do it in real life, sooner rather than later, and you need to cut her off right now.

Lose the internet. I remember a time, not so long ago, that people were able to go about their everyday lives without the internet.

It's hard for many to imagine, but it's true.


P.S. Watch her cellphone as closely as you possibly can. Consider trading it in for one with GPS tracking, and watch for a secret "pay-as-you-go" phone.

Matt,

Call it an Emotional Affair or call it an Inappropriate Relationship.

Call it anything you want to call it...

It is to her, an affair, though she would and will deny it vehemently.

The point is that this other guy is making Love Bank deposits faster than you are and at the same time has no overhead in the relationship with you wife so his balance is growing much faster than yours. Net result is that she is falling/has fallen in love with this character.

Even if this is all only fantasy to her and she never acts on it in real life with this OM, it will teach her and show her how easy it is to cheat and how easily she can have her cake and eat it too. Unless you can convince her that you will not share her with anyone else, she will eventually test her limits and will end up in a full blown physical affair with the possibilities of STDs, pregnancy and all the rest.

Don't wait for it to get to that point. Read about Plan A and do it NOW!

It isn't just LIKE an addiction, it IS an addiction. Stop it before it ruins your life and hers...

Don't think it's an addiction yet?

Try to get her to stop...

Mark

Yep absolutely Mark! Good stuff! Matt, I hope you will listen to what is being said to you here...

All this time and energy that your wife is spending online with these OMs is being stolen from you and your marriage...If she was putting that amount of effort towards your marriage instead, the two of you would be unstoppable...a marriage made in heaven...

One of the things that Dr. Harley advises in recovering from an affair is to eliminate the conditions that led to it in the first place...for you, part of that would include getting rid of or disabling the webcam, and dumping her online access unless you are in the same room with her...

Will you do this Matt? If so, when?

Mrs. W

Dude,

You can LOL all you want, but WHERE did she go at 5:00 AM yesterday?

Maybe straight to work to put in a couple hours of OT? See if you notice a pay difference on THAT.

While your doing all the snooping, try a GPS gizmo hidden in her car. Might tell you where she is going.

kirk

Matt108,

Any news?