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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 1 |
ok, good evening every one. i have a problem and is is breaking my heart. i dont know what to do. and i need someones help. i have been with my girlfriend now for almost 3 years. we moved in together. then she moved out and into a house with her female friends. both my x's. i had stumbled appon her myspace and vampire freaks accounts logged in on my computer. i read ver disturbing things. i confronted her about them, and she got really defencive. then she said she would delet all of her accounts. she did then she went and made another one thinking i would not notice. i found it and read her message to a guy, it rear please call me i f=dont care how you do it i really need to talk to you. she stated that she had done all of this to tell him to leave her allone. she wont let me near her phone. she is very secretive. i asked her to marry me a few weeks ago. she had said yes. i just dont know what to do i asked her if i could meet him she said he was out of her life. and i kept insisting and she finally said yes. very pissed off like. please help me. i really am by far emottionally lost. thank you all so much.
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
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Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970 |
Welcome to Marriage Builders, PAF8...
Unfortunately, though you may feel as intensely as married, you're not. You've experienced a relationship as if it were a marriage by moving in together, and it's not even close. Just feels like it.
This isn't someone with healthy boundaries. She isn't open and honest...read Harley's articles here on a healthy marriage...Policy of Radical Honesty, Rule of Protection, Policy of Joint Agreement.
You don't trust her and she's not trust worthy. Did she move out so you could get married w/o the fantasy in a year or more?
If you respect, right now, her choices...state you know she's choosing to not be honest, and take back your offer of marriage, she'll respect you.
Secrets kill relationships...they don't protect anyone from pain or fear. While you're emotionally lost...read up on the Basic Concepts and Love Busters...see what might hit home with you.
Pull back and think...do you have good boundaries? What do you hold yourself to doing when you cross them?
LA
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
Spare yourself further grief and dump her. Pronto!
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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