Translation: She went to the OM to get her ENs met. She went, knowing that you were very unhappy about it. Conclusion: she is in an A.



That, very likely, is a lie.



Are you convinced now that it's an A??

Follow the plans given here to bust it up. In summary, expose to all who can bring some pressure to the A, including at the office (HR) if they work together. Call the OM and ask him what are his intentions with your W. And Plan A until you can't do it any more, then Plan B.

Ok, I have talked to the OM, he was actually a decent friend of mine before all this. His take is that he is there for any and everyone who needs to talk, he has told me that he values our friendship, as in her and i's. Like I said before, other ppl at the office hang out with him, and 1 girl inparticular, who, well I'll say it bluntly, has had a reputation of being easy. Her and I are good friends, and that's all it has been for years, but she has said that not once has this OM tried to make a move on her when her and him were alone. That is the part of me that doesn't think he's involved physically with my wife. On the otherhand, I have asked the OM to respect my boundaries and step out of the picture and stop with the phone call's to her, and he has not. So, thus my confusion if there is a full blown affair, or if it is just an infactuation that is one-sided from on my wife's behalf.

It really doesn't matter WHAT they have or haven't done.

What matters is that your W got something she should have gotten from you, from another man. For some people it's SF; others, plain old attention. Whatever it is, you'd better figure it out pretty quick if you intend to save the marriage.

If you've read here, you'd find every single one of her quotes coming from the mouth of some other WW. They rewrite history to justify what they know is wrong. They will continue to think it until you remove the greener grass from the picture.

Find the Love Buster questionnaire, print two copies, and ask her to fill it out. Assure her that you will not say a single word to her about what she writes, that you just want to read how she feels. Whatever the LBs are, STOP doing them! Oh, and fill yours out and give it to her, too.

At the same time, get a voice-activated recorder and hide it under her car seat. Start listening to what she says in her car (assuming you don't ride together) - that's where the truth will be.

If you find them still talking, expose the affair, to everyone who matters. She'll be mad, but you have the right to save your marriage from this poison that's taken it over.

After you've eliminated your LBs, fill out the EN questionnaire, and start meeting ALL of her needs, whatever you have to do.

Become the man she should never have looked away from.

Whatever you do, don't go along with the 'I need my space' crap willingly. If she feels she needs to find herself, she can move out and do it completely on her own. Do NOT let her take any furniture, decoration, nothing except her clothes. Don't make it easy! She has to learn there's a price for this.

That's the standard of him not being a home wrecker? Just because OM doesn't put the moves on the office slut doesn't mean he doesn't want to bang your W. If your friend is THAT easy maybe he's afraid of STDs.


OM doesn't respect your M or you. Whether he is getting his ego stroked or something else, his behavior is interfering with your M and he's full of crap that he's just trying to be your W's "friend" to talk to. Does W work with OM or do you or both of you?

"Whether he is getting his ego stroked or something else"

IT IS NOT HIS EGO THAT HE IS GETTING STROKED...You had better accept the fact that this is an Affair and you are being lied to.

"At one point I made her upset enough and pushed her to the OM, she went to his place for an evening and had to get things off her chest, as in why she thought she had feelings for him, etc."

This is the biggest crock of B$ i have ever heard. That is like saying, you wanted to have $ex and she had a headache so you went to a hooker. PLEASE. you upset her, but she CHOSE to go to him. In fact, she was looking for an excuse and you gave it to her. But she still CHOSE to go to him. She got things off of her chest, and i would say that included her bra...

To answer your ? blackraven, all 3 of us work at the same company, and both OM and W work together in the same dept, and I work on a different floor. The thing is too, that she alway's sticks up for him, actually, our whole circle of friends stick up for him, and I feel like the [censored] stepchild, left out in the cold!

Snooze2008,

I'm sorry you had to find your way here to this place, as none of us expected to ever have a need for a forum like this. That's how insidious infidelity is. It's always's not in my marriage!

Sorry to have to call this as I see it, but your WW is involved in a full blown A with Mr. friend to everybody .

After confronting him, he continues to talk to your WW...

You have an argument and she runs to his house,,,but nothing happened.........

She is in continued contact with him and vice versa.....

Hate to say this but, 3+ years into the M and she's screwing another guy,, don't think even Dr H would try to save this M.

It's incredibly difficult to save any M after unfaithfulnes, but when it strikes so early in the M before any kids, it's almost impossible.

Your choice but, if I had been faced with such a choice so early in my M, I would take my losses and cut and run. You deserve better than this! JMHO

All Blessings,
Jerry

Ok, an update. Things really have not changed much, and are at a day by day pace right now. My wife has distanced herself from me, we do not have the good communication that once was. She has told the OM to not call outside of work, and he has complied, or at least from what I can tell. Ok, that's all good, BUT, she says she is doing it so I won't feel funny. I asked her if she is still in love with me and she says yes, but the sex life is dead, she states sex is the last thing on her mind right now due to all of her emmotions lately. We hardly talk about this topic anymore, I feel as though she has shut me out. She acts so unhappy at home anymore. All the "i love you's" and affection I give truly seem to push her away, so I am not doing it anymore. Bottom line is I don't think that she is in love with me, she has stated that she feels that she should leave at times, but is not because she doesn't want to hurt me. Basically, the only reason she is still with me is that she doesn't want to live with the guilt of having hurt me. Or at least that is what it feels like.