I told DS18 that I had invited WH to share DS15's birthday with us and he freaked!!!

That will be awkward... and on DS15's birthday! he said

I told him I didn't think WH would come......

Hope,

Are you in Plan B? If so, why are you communicating with your WH?

You asked if I would contact my WH. I have decided not to do that. He has been very hostile, and in effect has Plan B'd me. I realized that if I'm to try at R, I need him to make the first move. Only then, can I be convinced that he really wants it.

Time is running out though, because everyday there is less and less motivation for me to try. The desire isn't there as it once was.

I'm back before the other ladies join:

No problem the the way you handled it. Just a bit wary of WH cake eating.

I would like join the dots regarding that advice I have previously offered.

WH is an unbelieving husband who has left and has not chosen to return. Therefore I conclude that he had his shot at being blessed with a beautiful Christian wife. His tragic loss.

This is beautiful Christian woman's opportunity to be blessed with a beautiful Christian husband. This process can only take place after the divorce is final.

Ideally, WH would transform into that Christian husband.

Therefore, do not pray for your marriage's reconciliation but rather your husband's salvation. Possibly, this is the lesson that required learning, or not.

Understandably, there is fears to the future. These are in our Maker's providence. But we do know that He wants the best for you. Its kinda hard - we must trust Him.

My circle of friends are in the fifties group. Three of them are Christian bachelors - never married. One is a professor and head of English faculty. The second is owner of an IT business and the third is retired and independently wealthy.

Yes, they are out there.

I myself, was married for the first time at 39 to a bombshell at the place of work that I was transferred to. All my male colleagues were very, very miffed. I have no regrets these thirteen years later.

Chai,firstly,we had to go to the bank together to get the loan finally sorted...I suppose I could have done it separately but the way I feel now is I don't think plan B will get him home although I know thats not the plan.....I think I have moved on emotionally enough to be in his presence and not get too phased..

Next week I might feel differently......I am glad I spoke to him yesterday,opening up talk about coming home.....although I was VERY surprised at WH.

After DS15 birthday on wednesday I am going back to not talking to him..I basically have opened the door,allowing him to cake-eat.....he will have to give me an answer soon anyway.I look at this as a last try at ending the divorce.I am aware that its not MB way but I feel like I've lost him anyway.I did no begging/pleading just stated matter-of-factly to let me know soon.....

If he comes home it will be a miracle.....I am not at all expecting it,just curious to see his behavior now.I think this renting with an option to buy could be putting added strain on WH....more debt for him to incur...his putting in all the money here....

Imagine I appreciate your advice and agree about praying for him,I do pray for both....restoration and his salvation.

I do trust God COMPLETELY as he has proved Himself to me over and over these last 2 years...glad you're still posting!!

Happy birthday DS16!

Well WH didn't join us for DS16 birthday supper..

I was on a course the whole day so WH fetched the boys from school and took them back to his shop.He is frantically getting it ready to open soon...He bought the boys home round 6pm and went back to the shop.

The bank has been giving us the run around and hopefully it will be sorted out soon.WH phoned me yesterday about the bank problems and he has been sounding and behaving like my H..could be cos of needing my support etc.I asked him if he was considering coming home still,he said "yes, but he can't talk now"

I told him to stop stressing as he will end up in the hospital with a heart attack.He just laughed.I said "I don't want to be visiting you down the passage from the lab!"

I know he NEEDED me this last 10 days....to help with paperwork etc...but I think he liked venting to me about bank problems..I got the feeling that he was being himself with me and maybe thats something he can't do with her right now...dunno.

The kids say OW is a drama queen whereas I'm not in times of stress,WH tends to fly off the handle and I was always the calm one.Anyway, I have been fine with having contact with him on monday,(prayed and asked for guidence).....

The odd phonecall has been fine...WH has been very polite and acting like H,as if he let his guard down....

As my name says....I will maintain HOPE and see what happens....what I am liking about this contact is that I'm no longer needy or desperate but calm and confident around him.I know I look like a GODDESS and that helpS!!!LOL

As I have said before,I will not change our arrangements i.e WH can't come in house and I won't be around when he fetches/drops boys.etc

I am to scared to phone my lawyer to find out whats happening there...don't want to know....

Good job. Hang in there. WS's DO miss the helpmate wife. My ex says it is comforting to talk to me.

Well,for what its worth, todays my wedding anniversary....22 yrs....

I'm feeling ok...its a beautiful day weather-wise and I'm going to finally get stuck into my garden.....

Believer thanks for popping by..your words of advice are always very welcome!!

I'm looking at this with eyes wide open...no expectations at all......

I wonder if WH will remember our anniversary?

(((((((((((Hope))))))))))))

I'm sorry. This year would have been 22 yrs. for me too.

I'm sure he knows the date after all those years, and I'm sure he will remember, he just might not let you know he remembered!

Hang in there...

My ex brought me roses on our anniversary, and then took OW out for dinner and dancing. That was the famous roses story. I got so furious that I took the roses to her house and gave them to her. She threw them out in the street and my ex brought them back to me the next day, slightly the worse for wear. Then I threw them out in the street.

Hope you will do something nice for YOU on this day.

Last year (07) was our 34th. We had been in recovery for 5 months and had a nice weekend planned. WH got held up on a job so we postponed the weekend because we were leaving for vacation the following weekend anyway.

Well, a few days later came DD#2. He spent our anniversary with OP. So as it turned out, we were not in recovery like I thought.

This year I was in Plan B so I went to the market, bought a filet mignon and celebrated alone. I didn't have as much of a problem with it as I thought I would....

Believer I can't believe that your WH did that!!!
Chai,this is also my second anniversary alone...it doesn't upset me any more than any other day.On a positive note maybe WH will think of us today LOL..

I have had a nice day with DS16,we ended up watching a few DVDs together...DS18 is with a friend today..DS16 gets very withdrawn and antagnistic towards me...he only lets his guard down when he is distracted,like when his watching movies...thats why I put the gardening on hold and spent time with him.He told me today that he doesn't have any memories of when his father was at home!!Also that he doesn't remember much when this all started,only when he freaked out at WH and tried to hit him(was in the early stages)

WH just phoned him on his cellphone..said he was at the shop all day(8pm here)

Looking back, I laugh about it now, especially the roses. But at the time, it was heartbreaking.

I like Chai's idea of a nice steak.

I spoke to WH last night on the phone about changing weekends around cos of his move and about bank delays...
He wants my boys to help him move...he spoke a bit about the plans with the move etc....I said:Well you've obviously made up your mind about us and aren't com ing home"
WH:Well I can't put things on hold,we have to move......
ME:So you mean you can't exactly tell OW that you thinking of coming home?
WH:exactly...(I could hear it was hard for him to talk,think she was around)

Its so crazy...I wanted to ask him what exactly are your concerns..is it cos of money..is it feelings for OW?

Part of me wants to swear at him and tell him to forget it....
I think he knows he has the upper hand here and his not letting me in in any way,

I think if I told him to stop "thinking" he will be totally unphased by it.He doesn't try to explain how his feeling...
I'm too scared to open up any sort of dialogue about the subject....

He told me all the problems he was having with the bank..I was a bit supportive .....

Its 3pm here and the bank just phoned me to say the loan is through and the money is now available to WH.
I explained to the lady our situation and apologized for WH giving her a hard time..She said not to worry the loan is in my name and as long as I'm happy so is the bank.She said I could come in any time if I needed to find out about amounts his withdrawing etc...(I could sense she sympathized with me)

She had phoned me first before WH....

WH needs to drop off a DVD of mine sometime this week... of course I'm not going to see or speak to him .It will be interesting to see wether he tries to come in the house.If he does I will tell him that until he has made up his mind I would prefer us to go back to the way things were...I know he will think I'm snubbing him.. how do I deal with this do I carry on planAing him?

What do you guys think?

Believer,you'll enjoy this..DS16 told me that while he was having a serious discussion with WH a while ago about a teenage issue,OW kept butting in and giving her opinion.

OW said to DS16:You know I love you like you were my own!!!
DS16;You're NOT my mother so don't speak to me that way!!!

I asked what was WH reaction...DS16 said he just raised his eyebrows to WH and stared at him..WH said nothing.....

OW is so trying to score browny points everywhere ....

DS16 complained to me again about OW's oldest who is lazy and doesn't want to help in the shop and his not interested in it.OW asked him to help out for her sake and he refused.....

WH told DS16 that things are gonna change when the move house i.e her kids are going to do more round the house!!!I think WH has the idea that cos his paying the rent the dynamics will be different ...LOL
Also its a double storey house and WH told my boys they can have an upstairs room(has a view apparently) I sense trouble....

We were watching a movie together and there was a teenage boy by the same name as this kid who was walking a pig on a lead...
DS16 pipes up."oh look,theres **** talking his mom for a walk!!"

Today I had more dealings with WH on the phone due to bank delays....hopefully it will be all sorted out soon......

I had to fax a document to WH at his house..their fax is a phone too....

As I tried to send it, her answering machine recording came on twice!

I phoned WH on his cell and said:I don't want to hear that cows voice..I then mimiced her...she has a loud whiney voice I was fuming...
I heard her in the background shouting instructions to WH and I told him to shut her up!!

I later apologised when he phoned me ..he said he understood :RollieEyes:

He told me the was thinking about us

Anyway,today was a good day for me

Hope, this is so whack.

Its almost like WH is cheating on OW. Imagine, an EA with his wife while OW casts a nervous eye over her faithful lover.

I don't altogether buy WH position regarding strengthening ties with you. Is this a tactic? Y'no, keeping you sweet in case he needs you financially.

And what's happening regarding the policy that is to be ceded over to you?

Imagine,I have signed all the main documents needed for this loan and BTW, for the divorce(on the 6/10)....

I have told WH that I want this wrapped up just as much as he does,I'm tired of the phone calls from lawyers and banks needing signatures!!! Also told him that I wouldn't delay this even if he wasn't considering coming home....so I have been upfront with him.....

I have done the sums and once he has paid for his stock and his personal debt he is still going to have to run a tight ship with the money he has left.....
If anything, his financial situation will cause him to defog and see reality!!

I would love him to come home but realistically I don't know how he'll be able to untangle himself from OW and her family..... if she had a job and car,it wouldn't be so hard I think.
BUT OW has put herself in this position only has herself to blame....her parents own their own business so maybe they can help her too.

Sin is fun for a while..... then reality hits!!!

Ok, I know I haven't paid much attention to other people, shameful I know, but I'm blown away at what I am reading.

Any chance of getting a recap of the last few days or weeks so I understand why WH and you are communicating back and forth and possibly him coming home?

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HOPE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Queenie,first let me say I've been following your thread and my heart goes out to you...I know how hard this is for you......
Things will start to turn around for you soon.I'm sure....

I am not doing things the MB way I know but I feel all is lost anyway....
It all started on 13/10/08.....
WH dropped the kids off and I gave him an account to pay,he gave me a run down of how he was broke and needed this loan desperately blah,blah....I joked and said if he'd come home this wouldn't have to be happening...he said he would think about coming home then..nearly floored me...I took it with a pinch of salt.

We have needed to go to the bank together and have communicated via phone,mainly to sort out problems with the bank.WH has reverted back to H whenever I've spoken to him and I have asked him twice now if he was really thinking about us and not to f#ck me around!!I told him I would cooperate with the loan documents so not to sweet talk me for this reason...said he wasn't....

WH won't give me any explanation as to whats going on in his head and truthfully I don't want to push the issue either.I'm not holding my breath either as he did this to me before in the beginning....I do hate that he knows he holds all the cards....

They have been told to vacate the house they were staying in which was dirt cheap...and now WH has to fork out $$$$ for a house for OW and her clan......I think its getting to him financially.....

Anyway ,reading charlynne care devotionals daily have also made me doubt wether I was behaving correctly towards WH.I've reached a stage emotionally were WH doesn't affect me badly when I see/speak to him as well....a good sign...

If he doesn't come home I'll revert back to planB cos I don't think I want to be his friend.......