I've been on and off MB forum for 10 years. In March, around my 25th anniversary, my marriage will probably be dissolved. I am having to live with husband for another month before I can go back to the US. I never wanted this, but he's withdrawn and completely emotionally cutoff from me, focusing entirely on work, tells me he wants to sleep with a lot of women, but still wants to "snuggle" at night and tells me he wants us to remain friends. He sleeps soundly every night, but certainly not the same experience for me.

I don't really know what to do, but this is incredibly cruel for me. We live overseas and if I go, I have to leave my son behind. That alone is killing me inside. I am not succeeding at managing my emotions right now, and I don't know how much more I can take of this.

I am looking for a divorce mediator at this time, as well as a divorce coach. We will go to see a counselor in January after the holidays to figure out how to tell the kids, and when. He wants to work out all the details and get the divorce first, then tell the kids after school is out. This just doesn't feel right to me.

I don't have anyone to turn to for support right now. We live in a small community, and if I share my plight with one person, my kids are going to hear about it. I try to manage the stress through exercise, filling my days with lots of things to do, but from the moment he gets home until the moment he leaves for work the next day, it's pretty excruciating for me.

Tomorrow night my son is going to a sleepover. I'll be alone in the house with the spouse. I'm seriously dreading it. I loathe the sight of him. I feel sick.

How old are your children? Why do you have to wait until January to see a couselor and tell your children?


I don't know your story, but why do you give a crap what he wants at this point if he's been nothing but cruel to you for the last decade? He wants to divorce you and then tell your kids after the fact...oh by the way....???

We live outside of the U.S., in a developing nation where there is no one we can talk to. His rights as a father are protected here, and I can't leave with our son unless I have his permission. We have been planning to go to the U.S. for the holidays. I have to leave early to go be with our son at boarding school in the U.S. for Thanksgiving. He's 16. I have to leave the 11 year old behind with his dad because he's still in school. But they are planning to join me in December so that we can travel to the grandparents for Christmas. After the holidays, we go to the counselor.

I want to manage this divorce as much as possible to save my sons from as much trauma as possible. My older son is in the middle of the school term, and I don't want his grades suffering because his parents are splitting up. I believe my sons also need to be together when we let them know, to give them as much of a feel of cohesiveness as possible. Once my husband brings our younger son to the U.S., I will be able to bar him from taking him back.

I don't give a crap about what my husband wants at this point, but I do want him to bring my younger son to the U.S. in December. He is only making decisions based on what is easiest for him. In a weak moment he agreed to the counselor, and he paid the non-refundable deposit, so now he feels obligated to go. Otherwise, he would have weaseled out of it.

He said that if I was going to insist on telling the kids about the divorce before it happens, then he wants it over ASAP, and he's trying to find a way around the six month residency period. And this cuts into the middle of the school year, during my son's junior year in high school, which is an important year when it comes to establishing a GPA for college entrance.