Arlo,

It is totally true and in our case we just wanted different things. So we would never have agreed to work toward a common goal.

I've thought about writing a letter to my wife and not being there while she read it so she would maybe fully appreciate the seriousness of where we are at. She has heard everything from me and has taken exactly zero action. She continues to be on a (her name) jihad. She knows how emotionally unmet I am, yet continues to not meet them at all. If she ever called me at work just to see how I'm doing, I'd fall out of my chair.

I don't know what good a letter would do. We've had some epic meltdowns. At first I was distraught with her emotional withdrawal. Then I was angry. Now I'm growing indifferent and moving on emotionally. If we're to have a future, she will have to decide to make a strong effort and prioritize the marriage.

If only I got 5% of what she pours into herself and her friends...

I've been reading, and I have to say that I wonder what your exW's IQ is, because she seems to be both mentally and emotionally stuck somewhere around the age of 10 to 12 years old!

arlo is now miwc, by the way. I'm re-inventing myself. I'm not saying I'm going to be a cage fighter or anything, but I might just give the 'lather, rinse, repeat' half a peace sign.

arlo/miwc, is there infidelity in your M or are you just (!) dealing with unmet needs? Not to minimize that by saying "just"! If you want to explore what you can do to *try* to make things better, we can help. (Please forgive if you've already got a thread of your own and are working on this!) In general, the first thing we'd say over on the EN board is that we're going to work on you cus you're the one who is here and you're the only one we can talk to. Then we suggest you look at your own behavior, what LBs you commit and what ENs you are or are not meeting.

There's articles about trying to restore love, and steps to take; and it's possible to do it even if your spouse isn't on board. Doesn't always work, but it's worth a shot. Beats sitting around building resentment.

No infidelity that I know of, but she is very disconnected emotionally. I just can't get through to her to make her understand how unmet I am. She hears it and is sometimes sympathetic, but she makes no changes. She started being disconnected over a year ago. The signs were there for an EA, but I have no proof. She has a very disconnected feeling of self. She has some major personal issues and has been "finding herself".

I do have a thread on the EN forum. I found this thread somewhere, but can't remember how. I think I was in the divorce section.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2146357#Post2146357

There's no attention on me. No doting, affection, kissing or anything like that. There are no plans for the future. She just acts trapped and yearns for experiences that don't involve me and the kids. She wishes she had been an independent woman before we married. She went from college to our married life. She'll stay up until all hours on her stuff or chatting on her message board, but the attention I get is more obligatory than anything else.

So many times I've seen this story and while I can appreciate the angst, it's really not my doing. It just frustrates me to no end that I have built this life with this person and now she acts like she's trapped. This isn't a prison and I'm not her prison guard.

She acted a little stunned recently when it sank in that I'm ready to move on if things don't improve. All I really want is for her to make this marriage a priority. She acts like she's single and feels little to no accountability to her family obligations.

Hang on, checking the laundry...

Hi miwc, I just found your other post, "update" and posted to it.

Senior 6-

Not sure if you check your old thread here anymore, but could you please take a look at the thread titled "Where Do I Go From Here" by a poster named Hogfan?

I think you may be able to relate to him.

Also - I know you are not in contact with your WxW - but have you heard if she is in Italy still? Just wondering if she has found herself yet.........

WOF5,

I'll see if I can help, return some of the help I got.


Gabe