Hello All
Its been a few months since my last post.
In that time I have moved out into my own place, I have filed for divorce and we are scheduled to do so in Nov with me as the Plaintiff.

We tried to reconcile before then , I still wanted a liar to be truthful with me... still loved her and held out hopes to make it work, in my mind... my foggy mind, knowing what she did to me without remorse and I still wanted to be with her.... uh yeah.

I have been having bouts of being in a fog, man, when does this end, I found out about the affair last year in Sept. which she maintained even after I confronted her until Feb of this year.

I am still having problems, I find myself crying all the time.
When can I expect some normalcy in my life.
She was my second wife, it didnt even last a year and she still denies it, we had a conversation three weeks.

I told her that there is no chance of reconciliation, no way that I was ever coming back into that house, or that bed, and that she should stop trying to make it work with me as I cant do as the Marriage Councilor said, act as if nothing happened, mmm ok, not !

Its been a doozy, I havent experienced this type of betrayal before and even though I realize that I am doing what I must for my sanity, it still baffles and confuses me, I still think of her, at times, and they are good memories, can you see the duality I lived through, she staged me with kindness and loving intentions, all the while getting her cheat on in my face, behind my back and it devaststed me to my heart, because I loved her so, so much.

Its just the fog, when will this lift , I can baerly function these days.....seems like I shouldbe getting better, and I am in some respects, but the haze I'm in... whew !!

I still don't know why you didn't take up your wife's offer to take a polygraph! Its cheaper than a divorce.

Actually the Poly cost more financially...
In terms of peace of mind ? Why Bother
I recorded her with the man, I recorded the man saying her name while they where.. you know.
I recorded her blocking him as he walked past the camera
I recorded him taking a shower while she was in the bedroom on the computer.
I recorded her letting him the in house while he was speaking on the phone.
I recorded her in a panic when she thought I was coming home early....and more, so a Polygraph didnt quite makse sense to me at the time.
As for now, I'm just feeling emotionally tapped out and trying to reclaim my sense of self and dignity.
Not so much the vic as I was before.
In all I am proud of what I have accomplished...
I moved to a new city to marry someone.
I moved out and got established
Didnt go runnng back home
Filing for divorce
And not staring at a handful of pills, open window in a tall building, hearing last call every night at the local tavern or trying to hurt her...
I was on this board early on and I was in denial, or the fog .
Didnt want to face the reality of what was happening to me.
And now I am just letting go of the hurt and pain, from what I have been told it gets easier.
Thank you all for your concern and kind words it really means a lot to me.