It's been 2 months since I found out about WH's affair. Since then, he says he's stopped contact with OW. However, he changed all the passwords to our cell phone accounts and to his laptop, so now I no longer have any way of checking on him. He says he changed them because he doesn't feel it's "healthy for me to be fixated on knowing what he's doing." He still works in the same building as OW. After Nov. 18, he will be across the street in a security/pass card entry building.

At no point has he ever apologized for the A. He still has feelings for OW (says he can't just "turn off the switch"). He also swears that he wants me to stay and work things out with our marriage, but in 2 months he has done nothing, even tho he says "I'm doing everything I can to fix things". What that's supposed to mean is way beyond me! When I ask him what he is waiting for, his excuse is that he can't do anything while I am so "emotionally unstable." He talks out of both sides of his mouth. One day, I asked him why he didn't call me at all and he said because he couldn't take my "drama" while he was at work. Then the next day, he called me at work and apologized for not calling me the day before! Monday pm I try to get him to talk openly about his feelings and about us, he throws up the wall and says he doesn't want to get into another "argument." I do not yell, raise my voice, etc. I'm only asking him questions and trying to draw him out. Then Tuesday pm, he comes home with flowers. WTF??

What is going on in this man's mind? Who is he? This is not the man I married and have known for the last 18 years. I am living in hell! To make matters worse, I've been laid off my job and now have no means of support if I leave him.

I love him but I am convinced of these things: that he has no more love for me and just wants me to stay so he doesn't have to go through separation and split have his crap with me and have to try and sell the house.

I can't go on like this and it is taking a toll on our 9 yr old son.

I feel like I'd rather die than go on like this...

dragonflygal

DFG,

You are not going crazy! Everything he is doing is typical fog babble. He is cake eating big time right now! I see you are a fairly new member here. Have you been reading the articles? Have you read up on Plan A and Plan B? I would highly recommend that you get the book Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley and read it cover to cover. It will be a real eye opener for you!!! You have a long way to go but there is no reason that you cannot fully recover you M someday but you gotta get educated fast and start implementing the plans. Read like crazy and start asking specific questions here. There are so many good and experienced people here that will help you. You've come to a great place....although it's a place none of us wanted to find ourselves. You should also start posting on the General Questions II forum instead of Just Found Out because there is significantly more traffic (and help) in that forum.

Best of luck!

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