Reminds me of the quote, "Cold hands, warm heart, hot lips!"

Actually, that is a reasonable response to the original question of the thread!

OK, We've all heard of cake eaters, right?!

Well I have this friend Kevin an we've talked about him here before, I would like to date him, but we are friends and that is the way it is. That's ok he is a good friend. Like I said I am a giver, a care taker. I will be cooking or baking and will always have something for Kevin and his son Josh. Well I stopped doing that last week as I realized that, I am meeting Kevin's need on the domestic side. He is dating someone else and like usual not marriage material, some trampy thing that he picked up, not my evaluation someone else.

I have been in contact with his mom since her visit in May she liked me and I had cooked a bunch of food for them, again I enjoy cooking!!! She is 71 yo, she is lonely and bored and I am ok with meeting those needs for her, she is sweet!!!

Last night I get a phone call from Kevin's mom at 10:30 she just wanted to chat she was lonely. My daughter just rolled her eyes when I mouthed who it was!!

Ok so this morning I got to thinking, great I get the mother in law, but not the husband!!!! Does that not suck or what?

Like I said she is sweet and we fill a need or a void for each other. Kevin knows that we communicate. She is so funny as she will say, "My son is just so stupid, he doesn't see what is right in front of him."

Just thought that I would share!!!

Dawn

Next time you have something for K & J, get all dolled up (sexy outfit not slutty) before you take him his baked goods. If he asks where you R going, tell him on a date. Let him know you are available, let him see you at your best, and see what happens.

Hey Daybreak, at one of my women's group sessions we talked about how girls are raised to be care-givers and how we base our self esteem on how well we look after our families. It's so true. Probably the hardest thing about my sitch was that DS left home (to go to school) and 8 months later, so did Wstbx leaving me with nobody but myself. They don't teach us how to take care of ourselves. Just others. And there's no measure of self esteem on how well you cook a meal for one, but just look at the compliments you get for a 15 lb turkey. Society is just built that way.

I found myself in the same trap - cooking for a single dad , trying to help out and getting a phenomenal amount of fulfillment that I could do this. But I did have to get past that - find a way to build my esteem up on my own. I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it. I make a point to reflect each day on something that I accomplished that benefitted me and me alone. I'm still seeing this guy but he no longer has domestic service.

Oh, and I forgot. The single best thing you can do for your appearance is get a proper bra. Go to a specialty place - Victoria Secret or something - and get fitted. The bras I'm talking about are not "sexy" as far as the actual garment goes. But they will make you look better in a t-shirt, blouse or anything you already own.

My 2 cents for what it is worth
Attractive - does not have to be beautiful but well groomed
Natural - too much make up looks fake
Nice smile
Looks like a woman not a knitting needle (no runway models)

So now we get beyond the initial interest phase and go for substance that keep one interested
INTELLIGENCE - Can carry on a good conversation - likes to read
Secure enough to express her own opinion and ideas - introduce another point of view for consideration - not in an argumentative way - ie does not feel threatened if someone has an alternate opinion.
Manners - Is polite and has good social graces
Kind
Confident yet reserved - not in your face but you sense they are thinking but not blurting it out - may need to be coaxed for thoughts or opinion.
Pleasant disposition - Has a warm smile and quickly puts you at ease - unpretentious.
Competent
Humour - Has a dry sense of humour - laughs - witty
Flexible - willing to try new things - if things do not work out as planned adapts easily to the new situation.

Dawn - I take it you are really asking MEN, not women, this question. It would seem that YOU know what YOU like and are attracted to in a man.

Having said that, the answer to your question is "anything." Everyone is different and everyone has different "likes and dislikes." That, after all, IS what you are asking. You are not asking about LOVE, you are asking about "like" and "lust."

Before anyone gets too "riled up" about the inclusion of "lust" in there, let me put it this way. If someone IS NOT interested in the sexual side, then by all means "date a priest sworn to celebacy." Physical attractiveness and sexual interest IS a part of everyone's "evaluation" of who to date or not to date, as well as a part of who they think MIGHT make good marital partner (since part of the marriage is forsaking ALL others) and we don't want those issues to be 'temptation' issues AFTER being married.

Having said THAT, that brings me to a "negative reaction" that I had to something that was posted in response to your question. Keep in mind, this is ONE man talking from a man's perspective:

A little levity never hurts, especially when they are true for you!



That's right. Most people who are dating are NOT "on the prowl for a spouse" and "shopping according to their marriage 'cooking ingredients' list." Looking beyond the more "external" issues of appearance and the ability to BOTH chew gum and walk at the same time comes later, IF feelings begin to grow beyond mere physical factors.




Again, some people are "neat freaks" and some are not. That isn't important unless it is IMPORTANT to you. "Tasks" need to be done "around the home," but WHO does those tasks is often "divided up" and "likes and dislikes" often comes into play in who does what task. In my home for example, my wife does not, and never will, cut the grass. But believe me, she LOVES, wants, and needs the yard to be cut and trimmed and attractive looking regardless of whether or not the yard is grass or weeds. But SHE is not going to cut it. Likewise, she is a "clean the house" person and loves doing it (well, I suppose she really likes seeing it AFTER she does the work. She gets a sense of satisfaction from doing that. I, on the other hand, don't mind a few dishes in the sink (yes, get the "comments" about hard it is to get the dishes from the sink and into the dishwasher just a foot away). I DO clean the house from time to time, but NOT on a "schedule" as my wife does. We also have "his and hers" parts of the house. HER part "better" be kept clean and my part she just ignores until it "bugs her." Then I get the "hints" that I need to "straighten it up."




Yes. What is "wrong" with wanting "June "Cleaver?"

This seems to indicate a feeling of "well, I GOT you, now I can go back to 'being myself' again and NOT be concerned about YOUR needs."

This is, in my opinion, a recipe for disaster in a marriage.

This is a "slam" at Stay At Home Moms and at women who want BOTH work and a marriage. How many women want a man to "bring home the bacon," but then get really peeved when they don't feel as though their husband is given THEM "enough attention," per their own Emotional Needs?

This is a "liberated woman" sort of thinking that we are, or should be, a "sexless" society where certain Emotional Needs of MEN are not necessary and the wife should not try to meet those needs. (I warned you earlier that I had had a "negative response" to something, and you DID ask MEN for their opinions on 'what is attractive to you.)

And the last thing that I have not heard mentioned yet is what is the "belief system," the "worldview" of the person (in this case of the woman I MIGHT get involved with). THAT has a lot to with "the right person," far beyond all the physical things that many have listed.

FH, the June Cleaver comment was really meant to draw a stark contrast to what might attract a man, vs what might be part of their actual needs after being married. It was not meant to be insulting to anyone, least of all SAHMs.

It's interesting that you mention the lawn and yard work - which I can see as the woman's equivalent of a man's need for domestic support. I can't remember ever dating, being attracted to, or even noticing for that matter, a man based on the condition of his grass. I have never heard a single one of my friends mention this either. If lawns/yards are admired - it's in the context of "See how nice the Jones's lawn is? Maybe we can ask them how they do it?" Nevertheless, I can identify with your W -it does get under my skin if the grass is too long or, as I'm experiencing now, it is knee deep in leaves.

Thanks, FH - these analogies really help understand some of the differences.

See? This is what I'm talking about! Good kissers are a MUST for me - because I believe that a GREAT evening starts with a GREAT makeout session.....!!!!!

OK, I'm starting to blush here....Happy now Booka???

Laura

Remember booka has the day off and no computer at home!!!! I wonder if he will miss more then we will miss him?!!!

Dawn

Ok, so now I have this visual of you standing in the supermarket, after squeezing the melons lining up at the man aisle and kiss-testing each one. I can just hear the discussion - "this one's too soft" or "this one's too sloppery" or "try the one down at the end there!"

Teee heeeee.....I wish I had that many opportunities to test the kissers in the main aisle..

But I will say that I was dating a fella for a few weeks, and we had not progressed past the chaste "grandma" kiss after each date....(which is fine with me, because I like to go slow) - but when we finally did get to the point of a hot and heavy kiss, it was like putting my lips on a blowfish! It was horrid and a super turn-off! Gave him a 2nd chance, and it was no better.....and it really did put a crimp on my enthusiasm to see him again.......

Does that make me shallow??? I dunno.

Ooops, I meant "man aisle"......

Ha Ha! It's too bad they don't have a man aisle at the grocery store. I don't mean just for dating. Right now I wouldn't mind purchasing one to clean my eavestrophs. I'd do it myself but I'm too afraid to get on the ladder. Heck, they should have a rental store for men. The job won't take more than 15 minutes.

Her to be fit. Appropriate weight for her height. Rack size alone does not make a woman look hot. I've seen big racked woman that made me want to hurl my cookies, and small racked woman that were hot.



Mercy I don't think I've ever heard a guy put it quite that way before. I still can't stop laughing!!

That was a good one!!

Ok This summer the one guy that I meet from online picked me up and I pretty much layed a kiss on him, just to get it out of the way!!!!

He was a pretty good kisser and we shared a few more through out the day.

You are not shallow if there isn't something when you are kissed, to not want to see the person again, I dunno do you think that will get better?

Dawn

You can rent guys by the hour, look in the yellowpages. I've seen like husband for hire, or handyman.com, you have them do the jobs you don't want too!!!

LOL Dawn!