The fogbable was so good ,very funny stuff . I would like to hear some things BS did that really made the ww mad, Im expecting some good stuff on here

Does it have to be a WW or will a WH suffice? I did so many things to p1$$ him off, I don't know where to start.

I guess the first thing was when I openned my own bank account and had my paycheck deposited in it. In fact, that was the event that led to d-day (he asked for a divorce, swore up and down there was nobody else then freaked when I took my own money!!).

When I wouldn't let OW move in with us. I can be so unreasonable.

When I expected help to pay for DS's college tuition.

When I didn't walk out empty handed leaving him with everything.

When I thought it was weird that he wanted me to photoshop her face into my wedding photos.

When I let his family know that he was f****ing OW BEFORE we broke up (come on now, it was only 5 days since the announcement of the D when you tried to introduce her - do you really think they were fooled?)

When I changed the locks.

When I refused to move in with OWH so he could afford to give OW more CS.

When I discovered the frequent large cash withdrawals from our joint bank account over the previous 18 months (as far as I could go) that he couldn't explain.

When I had the nerve to not keel over dead so he could get the insurance money on top of everything else.

My very breath p1$$ed him off. I didn't have to do anything special at all.

My BH never made me mad. Not once. Not ever. If he was angry, it was absolutely justified, if he was hurt it was absolutely justified. When he exposed to the OM's wife it was with my blessing.

I never blamed my H for my stupid, evil choices. They were mine.

Hmmm, probably why we're recovered.

Good answer, Jen.

When the people I exposed her to confronted her actions and how her decisions were effecting their lives....

It's all my fault, of course. Her actions had nothing to do with the alienation she's feeling from friends and family. I'm manipulating everyone against her.

I'm sorry awaywithwords. That amount of fog pisses me off. It REALLY pisses me off.

Not allowing my wife to sweep her first affair under the rug was a constant source of frustration to her. She blamed her second affair on not feeling emotionally connected thanks to that frustration. Buh-bye.

I put in all that effort to read and apply MB concepts, when all I had to do was be a doormat. Who knew?

Plan A is NOT about being a doormat. My H was NOT a doormat. It was because he made it very clear that he was NOT a doormat that we recovered so well. He did a Plan A. His Plan A (before MB) was to make sure we recovered.

We raised our voices to each other for the first time in our 28 year old marriage (that was then, we've been married 34 years now) after d-day.

My H told me that he was a man, he would divorce me and never look back if I ever saw or spoke to the OM again. Well, I did, after 2 years. I connected with the OM again, accidentally, which developed into a two week contact.

My H wasn't a doormat then either. He made it very clear. Pine for the OM and you're out of here. I knew that I wanted my H and only my H. My H is a very stong minded man. He would never be a doormat for anyone, EVER.

KiwiJ,
Then you are possessed of a strength that my WW does not have. A year after D-day, she was very happy. She deployed to kuwait and was taking ads out in the newspaper here to say how much she loved me, she was writing me letters all the time, we were chatting by web cam. It came time to address some of the lies she was still maintaining and she did a 180 and started another affair with a deployed coworker. It was like flipping a switch. She just did not have it in her to confront conflict and put it to rest. She was also talking to me about adoption when she came home and all the things we would do, all while she was cheating on me with OM#2.

I was patient and tolerant with her, working Plan A, while my need for O&H was ignored. I would not be a doormat though, and thats how she justified affair #2.

My WH gets pi$$ed off anytime I want to talk because of the way he is acting and he doesnt feel like talking. Also, when I get angry because he screws up again and I bring it up, all of a sudden I am wrong for expecting him to do good.
When I expect him to treat me like he is trying to win me back or like he cares if I want to continue to save our marriage. All of a sudden the tables are turned and I am the terrible one and I have to deal with his mood and not wanting to be around anyone or deal with the family life and I am the one that is the bad one and I get the cold shoulder.
Kindof makes me feel like I could be a doormat cause he does wrong then he turns the field so I am almost begging him to answer my calls or talk to me. I guess I am the one wrong for doing it but I dont know what else to do. I cant hide anymore that I am hurting badly and I dont want to lose him. But I dont want him like this either.

The thing that really really p*ssed off my then WH, was finding MB and following the plans.
He knew I did because he found me here.

He hated it. I have the record to prove it.

We are in recovery

Exposure! The OM's W burned all his clothes to ashes. It was, of course, my fault for spilling the beans.

My XWW was so angry about exposure, she tried to have me killed and when that didn't work as OM dumped her immediately, she dropped me off crippled in the middle of freaking winter miles from anywhere.

I got a new tattoo and my navel pierced without him.

He

Was

Livid

(giggle)

P - There's a special place in he11 for your ex. I know cos I just confirmed the reservations.

I brought home a dog for the kids. (H dislikes dogs, we had a years long agreement no pet dog)

H said, "I did not agree to this dog!" (he was MAD and outraged that I made this decision without his permission!)

I said, "You can have OW, the kids and I can have a dog."

The dog stayed, OW did not.

H treated the dog very well until she died from bone cancer several years later.

Now we POJA things, but I did anti-poja (on purpose) before I was ever aware of marriage builders and all this info here.

poor WH ~~~> :crosseyedcrazy: :twobyfour: <~~~ Pep on a rampage

The dog's name was Buffy The Vampire Slayer ... the kids named her, but I approved immediately!

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me!

I bet the dog was better housebroken.

This was before I found MB...but...

One night, after he had moved out (I couldn't stand the site of him, it was either he leave or he had to deal with my sick/sad/angry expressions) I got on our family computer. He had left many of his accounts still available for perusal. This is when we were both much more fluent in instant messaging and he had an account. I had checked out his friends and found one likely to be the OW.

I got on the IM site and found they were both on...I simply sent her a message "We are both being lied to, call me xxx-xxxx" and she jumped off. He wanted to know what I wrote... I then called his mom, sent him a message I was talking to her right then about what was going on...he was not happy. She wanted him to call her...

That was the beginning of the end for them...she remained "friends" with him, even going so far as to give him marital advice. You see she was experienced at this sort of thing, although not married herself, she had just gotten out of a messy relationship with a married man.

A month later we had the AUDACITY to take a family vacation without him...and he spent the time telling her goodbye, via instant messenger (although I think it was her saying goodbye...he would have hung on to their "friendship" for awhile...)

Needless to say it was awhile before we patched things up...before he made the decision he wanted to married and not a bachelor. I had to be pretty clear with him I would not accept an OW in our marriage (I'm evil that way). He stomped and claimed I wasn't being fair...

Long story short...now 4 years later and he has grown up so he doesn't stomp his feet anymore and he gives sage advice to other men about facing reality, dealing with consequences, and making right choices...long road but it was worth it...15 years this year.

The one thing that nearly drove my FWW into a rage was accusing her of cheating about a year before d-day.

I didn't have any specific reason to think she was, and she knew it.

Turns out she was, though.

The most anger I ever saw from WW was when I told her I didn't want a divorce and that I wouldn't talk about it anymore.

After our D I had the gall to fight for time with my kids.

That has been very upsetting to her and she can't understand why I can't be like her brother, who moved away from his daughter and only sees her every other weekend.

I'm not her brother nor will I EVER settle for such little time with my kids.

50/50 is the ultimate goal (though she doesn't deserve to have the children at all).

I will continue to seek 50/50 until I get it. That is the goal and it will continue to ruffle her feathers that I want it.

It will happen. Whether she likes it or not. It WILL happen.

When my H was wayward just about everything I did made him mad.

He was mad that I didn't get upset enough when he announced he had decided he wanted a divorce.

He was mad when I wouldn't give him the new tv.

He was mad I bought a puppy for our daughter.

He was mad that I showed up early to pick up our daughter from his apartment, because then he was busted and I found out that it was OW's apartment and not his.

He was mad that I didn't want him as the benificiary on my life insurance policy.

He was mad I had sex with him.

He was mad that it took me a few months to reach the point of breaking down and telling him that I didn't want a divorce. Because now other people would be hurt. By other people he meant OW and her kids. WTF???? Like hurting his wife and his kid didn't matter.

Damn I am sooooo glad that he does not think like that anymore. Fog babbble really can hurt.