Something just came up I'm dealing with, amidst other issues I have threads going. I just got a call from WW who is away on a camping trip with SD and some friends. She walked up on a conversation between some of those friends who was talking about her and called to blame me for talking ****edit**** about her. Now, if you've been following my saga in other threads, this is the friend whose house the OM showed up at the other day. She's also WW's boss's wife and stated she doesn't trust WW with her business anymore. Obviously, our friend has some serious, legit concerns. In essence, WW is being held accountable by others, but I'm taking the heat for it!! Can anyone else share experiences/advice on how to handle backlash on exposure??

P.S. I see that right after our phone call, she called OM, apparently for moral support. Geez...I can't win!!

I exposed my wifes EA to her mom and sister...

Wife downplayed the EA, turned it into me having insecurities.

Mom/sister pretty much backed out of the whole thing once they realized there was nothing they could do or say to help, but alot they could do or say to P!$$ of wife.

Yes its a reaction to call OM since that is her fantasy world right now.

As for what to tell you on how to handle the anger and what not on exposure would be to TRY and stay calm and just tell her if she hadnt done what she did then it wouldnt be an issue. However you *BH* need support from friends and family as this had really hurt you. And that you *WW* needs to see what the A is doing to the family.

It does get better.. but it will seem and can get worse before that happiens. Just stay strong.

Awaywithwords,

We would very much appreciate it if you didn't bypass the profanity filter.

Can we buy you a dictionary?

Thank you,

Dufresne.

Thats great! Your exposure didn't "backfire;" it had the desired effect. It brought conflict into the affair and gave your WW a dose of reality. Great job!!

I see that the longer this drags on, the more "fed up" everyone is getting. I have 100% support from everyone I know, her family, our mutual friends. The pressure on her is mounting and I guess it's natural to take it out on and blame me. And you're right, she's confiding to him and of course he's saying all kinds of "see I told you he's an [fill in the blanks]", fueling her anger against me. Not much I can do about that I guess. Yet these are people whose lives are being affected, not simply innocent bystanders. Her actions are causing ripples that are spreading wide. People are hearing rumors upon rumors, most of which are true. She's utterly destroyed her name in our town and among our circle of friends. I just wonder how sad and pathetic this will all be once the dust settles....if that day ever comes!

AWW, keep in mind that waywards are not supposed to love exposure. You ain't going to get ROSES for interfering with the affair. The goal here is to save your marriage, not to avoid her anger at all costs. They are SUPPOSED to be angry about exposure.

That DOES NOT MEAN IT BACKFIRED, it means it WORKED!!

Sorry...how am I doing that? I'm trying to edit the text that to substitue profane words. Did you mean a thesaurus?

Okay, okay...I see what you mean. I guess the idea is to put the pressure on. I have a feeling it's going to be flying in from other sources so I guess I need to take a deep breath, stay calm, and let it run it's course. I appreciate the encouragement!

AWW, I think it means to bypass the filter when you type a banned word but fill in certain letters with @#%$.

I mean don't miss-spell words to bypass the filter. Do you need a thesaurus to come up with non offensive words?

It's all good - just remember there is a profanity filter here for a good reason and don't attempt to bypass it.

She will be spitting mad and make all manner of threats and accusations! Just expect it and come here and tell us so we can be amused together. An angry wayward spews the funniest fog!!

just don't let it bother you. She is a falling down drunk who is angry because someone interfered with her drunk.

Let's compromise... a dictionary AND a thesaurus.

(Speaking of sauruses, a couple minutes ago I just barely caught myself before posting about the famous cranial fossil, a triceratops "kull". It's the keyboard's fault, really.)

Seriously, in the long run this will only help your efforts. You've done good.

Okay...it's late, but an update. She called back telling me how she's in a dark place, how she's never felt so alone and betrayed. Hmmm...I think I recognize those feelings! I kept the conversation pretty much civil and calm but I did get indignant at a few points. Angry outbursts? Maybe, but one can take being a scapegoat so much when being blamed for the whole mess when it's her actions that caused it. Of course I got the usual "he's not the problem, the marriage is the problem". I pointed out that he's MY problem and nothing can be done with the marriage as long as he's around. I also pointed out that our friend had every right to be concerned especially with there's children and I have concern about his mental/emotional state (see my email from OM thread on this count). She also told me to piss or get off the pot, to which I replied "uh, I think you're the one that needs to do that since you seem to have the problem choosing your marriage and family or your affair. She also said how dare I drag others into our problems, which I pointed out how dare she drag OM into our problems if she believed the marriage is the root of the problem. Eventually she hung up on me, cowardly leaving the conversation instead of dealing with it. Typical. Deep in the fog is she. I don't know who's the bigger wack job, her or him. Maybe they are made for each other....

I know it's not supposed to bother but this twisted thinking really gets me. Funny thing is, she's on this camping trip for two more days so it should be interesting to see how the rest unravels. And I have a feeling she has a few more confrontations coming up when she gets home....

Normal WW response.

Exposure makes it hard to continue her affair.

I exposed several weeks ago and there were lots of handholding, "is there anything I can do to help" type of conversations. This did nothing to interfere with the affair. Now that this is dragging on and it's affecting people, the pressure is heating up. I see after our conversation, she called OM again for a longer conversation. I told her if she continued calling him, I was going to cancel her cell phone. Any thoughts on if this would be good, bad, or indifferent?


HA! I called my cell provider and learned that I can block particular #'s from calling or being called!!! Of course she can always use someone else's phone, but this won't be enabling her. This makes me HAPPY!!!

At the time I exposed to FWW's five sisters, FWW and I had already read Dr. Harley's SAA. She was aware of Plan A, and liked the changes she saw in me as a result of my following Plan A. But, when she didn't end the A and I exposed, she asked, after 5 days ranting and raving, "Why did you do that?".

I told her, just following Harley's program. You liked the 'carrot' part of the program. So, don't complain when I implemented the 'stick' part.

She had nothing further to say. She broke off the A with OM ~ two weeks later.

Yes, cancel her phone. Put lots of obstacles in her path.

She will claim she needs her phone for emergencies, for the kids to call her, etc. Oh well, too bad she has show she cannot be trusted and that is a consequence of her actions.

By allowing her the phone and paying for it you are enabling the A.

LC

AWW you should not be funding her affair.

However she will likely just get a new one herself or use the public phones etc.... so can your telco provider ban or block numbers via your service?.

may be a better way of stopping you paying for her actions at least this way while still giving you some intel on her contacts.
If not ... cancel it. Even if she buys a new phone then you have made it clear you wont support her actions.

AW

The block worked!! She cannot call or text him or he can't call or text her any longer from that phone!!!! A minor victory perhaps, but an important one! I didn't have to cancel her whole phone service. She can get a new phone eventually...right now she's deep in the woods on a camping trip. Again, she can use someone else's phone but that's going to be added trouble. When she returns, she still won't be able to get a phone. She won't have the $$ and she screwed over a company some time ago and can't get one based on her credit. OM may get her one eventually, but nothing I can do about that.

Also had an important conversation with the lady whose house we rent, also a very close friend. She supports me staying in the house with the kids 100% and won't hesitate to let WW know this. She's an outspoken (blunt) New York Italian and will likely be giving WW a bit of an [censored] chewing once she returns. I thought there might be peace when she comes back, but that's highly unlikely. I'm thinking about packing up her things in advance.

I'm gearing up for total war.....