Well today when he got home from work I could not hide that something was wrong, he came to kiss me and I just stood there. He looked at me and said "what" and I told him I think you know what and he gave me that guilty Im sorry look and started walking in the other room. He said he doesnt know why he answered. I found out before he got home that OW had been texting from this one number that I didnt know and he had been chatting through text all week. He claims he was going to talk to me tonight either way, but I dont believe it. I am so angry right now I dont believe anything. We talked he said again he would try, but how do I just keep going and getting hurt everytime I start to feel like we are getting somewhere. One minute he is acting like I am his everything and then the next he is telling me he doesnt care if I ever trust him again, that he doesnt care how I feel about him. That is just the way he says he is. But I feel that is wrong. I want someone who cares how I feel about them and if I am comfortable. I told him "how can he not care if I trust him or not, but not want to deal with the results of a nontrusting wife (snooping and constantly questioning him). He said he wouldnt deal with someone like that. He says he needs some privacy and I say there is nothing secretive when you are married, your life should be open book, there should be nothing going on that you should have to hide or it is something you shouldnt be doing and he agreed, but says maybe he is cut out for marriage. He asked if I see this ever working between us and I said yes, we just need to figure out how we are going to get passed this and I asked him if he can be sure that he will not do this again and that he wont have contact with OW, he sais you will have to just wait and see. I cant take that as an answer. Am I wrong for feeling that way? Basically right now we are not speaking, he thinks I am over reacting and I feel like he doesnt care that he has hurt me and he isnt remorseful enough for what he continues to do to me and our children. I am so mad I cant even be in bed with him. We are supposed to go out on a date night tomorrow night and I dont know if I should cancel it or not. He works all day so we wont be together all day, it was supposed to be a double date (with someone he works with that I have never met but knows all about the OW....sure makes me feel comfy)
Does this hurt ever go away? Every time he lets me down I go back wards and moving forward just gets harder and harder and he doesnt seem to care as much as he should. I dont know what to do anymore. Maybe I am just fighting a losing battle here.....This is not how I pictured my married life to be at all. I guess I am on the way for another bad weekend. I swear I am going to run out of tears soon. My system just cant keep up with my eyes anymore, they seem to be a leaky faucet these days and I am getting tired of it. I dont want to hurt anymore, I want to be happy again and I want to stop crying all the time.

Keep up your Plan A for the next day or two, and prepare for a hard, quick Plan B.

You are normal for feeling exactly as you do. The problem is him not giving you the protection and care you need to heal. It's not you.

I am going to try to continue plan A for a few more days. He was upset last night that I wouldnt come to bed so finally he came down and asked that I please come to bed, so I did. It took a long time for me to fall asleep cause it made so mad that he could fall asleep so easily without saying anything and I was still so hurt and so mad. Today he is working all day so he just called me, he says"are you still mad" duh ofcourse I am still mad,we havent resolved anything yet. I didnt say that but I wanted to so bad. I just said I will be fine. He said last night he said just wait and see about avoiding the OW because that is just the way he is and thats how he responds to everything, and that is him but I feel it should be alittle different now. I think he should think more about what I want to hear from him and how what he says is going to affect me if he wants to make this work. He say the OW has been calling off the hook today but he hasnt answered one call and he says he wont. I am sure she will get mad soon and go to his work to see him there. I know it is him that is the problem but it kills me that she can act like this to a married man she only had an affair with for 6 weeks before I found out and put a stop to it. Ofcourse the contact continued but the PA stopped. I am blocking all the numbers I know she is calling from today, so I know that is going to fire her up some more. I guess we will see how strong he can be. I just want to hear from him a promise that he is going to make our marriage work and he is going to go to MC with me and that he is going to make me feel secure and make me feel the way I need to feel in this marriage. He talks so negative about marriage and looks at all of this as "if this works" or if we dont stay together. Its like he is setting it up for failure before we even start and that doesnt give me much to go on. I need to see motivation from him and I want him to figure out how HE is going to make ME happy again. Am I being selfish now? I just feel like he really owes me big time. I have to find a way to get out of this bad depressed angry mood before he comes home. It will only cause him to be in the same mood. Normally my kids will bring me out of it quick but today its not working. The weather is cold and rainy so that doesnt help either.
What should the next step be for us? He keeps asking me how you forget about someone and how to get the good and bad thoughts out of your head. The only thing I can tell him is in time if he has no contact at all and gets rid of all the reminders the thoughts will go away. But he wants someone to tell him how to do it and how to get back what we had before all this. He cant figure it out on his own, he gets frustrated and gives up. I have told him about this site and sent him many articles on withdraw and getting past the affair but he reads them and takes what he does out of them and doesnt look into the site any more.
Thank you all for your support and advice. I am glad I didnt get anyone talking so harsh this time. My past posts have gotten some responses that turned me off of the site for a little while, but then reading other posts made me write again. I dont want things to be sugar coated to be something they are not but some things just are very hurtful to say to someone you dont know. One said my husband never wanted to marry me and how could we be so irresponsible to allow 2 children to come out of this marriage. When you are going through something like this you dont need people saying those type of things to make things worse when they only know a small portion of your life.
I have had nothing but helpful responses on this post, so thank you all and keep the advice coming please. I need as much support as I can get.

Keep in mind, no matter how persistant the OP is, it's still the WS's choices to allow contact to continue. For awhile, I focused on "him", who seems to be a serious nutcase- you can learn a bit about him in my email from OM thread. But I realized that she makes the choice to listen and allow the contact so ultimately it's her fault. In your case, it sounds to me like your H isn't quite ready to let go. My counselor said that the usual cycle for breaking an addiction is six weeks. I keep thinking if I can get six weeks, we might be in the clear, though I know even then it might start back up and we'll be back at square one. Right now, I can't even get six days! Hang in there! You're keeping an eye on things and not burying your head in the sand. We have to be vigilant!

You need to change the phone number, not just block numbers she calls from. She can always find a phone to call from and will continue doing so. Also if she emails him cancel all email accounts she has the address for.

ETA: I'm glad you came back despite having a bad experience. You really can get a lot of useful help. I would recommend you read the advice you get more than once to help it sink in.

LC

Trade phones with WH if you can. Watch this or they will just take it further underground. 1 minute phone calls on my H's cell phone was him answering and telling her he would call her back on "their phone". Plan A for a bit longer and if he refuses to write a NC letter and be transparent with you then perhaps time for plan B.

Why is it that everytime things stop with the OW, things go south with us????
Yesterday we barely talked to eachother. I took the block off his phone so OW could send all the texts and phone messages she wants. He feels he needs to prove he has the will to ignore it and make her go away on his own with out my help. I got mad so I took off the block, but I told him, I dont agree with it cause she is still getting her message across to him, she leaves voicemails telling him how she is and how she feels and texts to tell him what she wants and wether he responds or not he is still getting her messages. She is still communicating with him. He didnt see that and said that he wanted to do it on his own, so I will let him have his ego and do it. (Im getting tired of fighting can you tell) So, we went out last night on our date and it went ok, we were with another couple which he knows (and knows about OW) but I had never met them. We leave dinner and head home and he didnt say 2 words in the car. Then ignored me at home and went to bed. He had told me that he was going to church with me this morning earlier in the week and now when I come up to bed he tells me he doesnt feel like going, if he is not awake dont wake him. That set me off, it was yet another thing he let me down with. So I ask him why, and he gets nasty and tells me he wants to go to bed and not talk but that he wasnt going and that was it. I got mad so I went down stairs so I wouldnt scream. I didnt come up til 2:30am. When we got up in the morning he says "oh you decided to come back..." I just told him I needed to go downstairs and be alone for a while cause I was mad and didnt want to fight. Well he had nothing to say.
I went down and made breakfast for the kids and him and he ate his food and went off in another room and left me alone. I assumed he was going to go to church since he was getting clothes together but it got close to time to leave and tells me to leave our 15month old home with him so he can get a good nap. I asked again for him to go with me and he replies " I told you last night I wasnt going" So I just said THanks...I told him everything he has said to me that he was going to do to help our marriage he has gone back on. He was going to get counceling for himself and that never happened, he promised no contact with OW and that was a joke, and he promised he would get help from his father...never happened, he promised to start going to church with me again and now he is backing out of that too. I told him that he treats me like I need to be punished for something and I did nothing wrong. I have changed everything he said he didnt like so I could be the way he liked me to be, the way I was in the beginning of the marriage. He has changed nothing. I told him that I feel worth nothing to him and that I am hurting so badly inside and it mades me angry that he acts like he could care less. He gets in these I dont care about anything moods and that is exactly how he acts. I told him, he said I am such a great women and he is so lucky to have me, but then why treat me like I am worth nothing to you. I feel he should be more remorseful and trying harder to make me happy now and make me want him, not the other way around. He says he is trying cause he is still here, but when you are here and acting distant and negative about everything and doing everything to make me angry and hurt me I would rather him not be here at all. Today I spend the entire hour and a half of church service crying my eyes out, when I got home, not even a word from him. Then I had to leave for a bday party with the kids, I brought the baby to say good bye and just said I will talk to you later. I couldnt brign myself to even try to kiss him goodbye, He probably wouldnt have even if I tried. I left and texted him with an apology for leaving mad. But I have yet to hear anything from him. No response from my text at church telling him that I feel worth nothing to him and that he has really hurt me by constantly letting me down and not making an effort to help our marriage along. Or the text saying I was sorry for leaving mad. Normally when he is workign evening shift he calls to make sure I am home and kids are in bed by 7:30pm. I have heard nothing from him all day. My oldest son (8yrs) says to me in tears, he feels his father doesnt love him cause he nevers says goodbye to him or calls him or does anything with him. It breaks my heart cause that is exactly how I feel about my WH and how he makes me feel. Am I handling all this right? or making a mess. I am just reachign my breaking point fast and I am having a hard time not getting angry because of the way he acts and his moods. After 4 months of this I have had enough already. He tells me this is just him and thats the way he is. I told him its not the way he was when I married him and if I can change things about me to make me a better person and make our marriage better, he should be willing to change things about himself too. Its not a one way street. I dont ask for much from him at all.

One more thing.... Am I stupid to keep apologizing for telling him that he is hurting me and letting me down and getting mad for the way he is acting and his moods? Or should I just let him be mad and come around when he feels like it.

He wont respond to any of my text messages and I just tried to call him and he made it go to voicemail....Then he texts me and says "Im Fine!" But I responded with, why are you not answering my calls or text, please just talk to me....and he will not call or text back.
I dont understand, why is he acting like this? I have done nothing wrong but get upset when I have every right to be even more upset than I have been. And through all of this I have never once avoided his calls or not responded to his texts, so why would he do this to me when I have done nothing wrong? I want to say that to him, what did i do to deserve this, but I do not want to keep bugging him cause I am sure he will just get more and more mad. But I really want him to see what he is doing is selfish and wrong. I would never do this to him and look what I have been through the past 3 months. I have been nothing but supportive. I dont even know if he will come home tonight after work, I will be suprised if he does come home. This hurts so bad. When is the pain ever going to stop. I need a break from the heart ache.

He is acting like this because he KNOWS he's the wrong one and he is LOOKING to make everyone feel as crappy as he is.

Stop apologizing.

When you say "I'm sorry," to an ACTIVE wayward they don't hear WHY you're sorry. They only hear that you are sorry. Sorry...do you get it? They hear that and it CONFIRMS that they are ENTITLED to stomp on you because if you are apologizing you MUST be doing SOMETHING to deserve an apology for.

You did NOTHING to deserve this.

Never spare a wayward the CONSEQUENCES of continued bad choices.

He CHOSES this. Don't apologize for HIS choices.