Saturday morning and I am sitting here pondering my situation, as are most others that find themselves here today.
Solidly in Plan A for over a month, exposed, exposed, exposed, cut off the money, offered WAW gentleness, kind words, etc.
So far, nothing seems to penetrate the fog.
STILL, have to read emails, etc. (neither have any idea I know their private email accounts) proclaiming their love to each other until end times...can't wait to see each other...you know all this crap.

So, I sit here today and ask....WHY am I the only one who cares about our family?

I have read everything I can find and realize that this is a long process until this A dies....but man I'm not sure that my WAW has not REALLY moved on and plans on never looking back!!

Any other FWW or BS's that were in this similar situation...could use some words of encouragement...please

I'm with you bro! All I can say is get pissed, get righteous and do something to harness the energy- go work out, play some motivational music, and play it LOUD! Take a long walk or a bike ride! Call a friend or family member you've exposed to and vent! Write in your journal or if you haven't yet, go buy a notebook and pour out your heart and soul! Do SOMETHING constructive and creative to keep your mind off the details. We'll be okay, man. I see from your sig you're a bible person. I like Psalm 35...pray it!

I can say I am a WH who had a long affair with a coworker. It took me a long long time to admit my wrongs. At first I was happy as anything with the OW, when it was just an EA, once it moved on to PA things changed slowly over time. After time, and my wife working her plan A, I knew I had messed up big. But instead of standing up, admitting my wrong doing, I kept on with my A. I started drinking alot, gaining weight, and everything else that goes along with it. I made myself into someone my wife would never want to be with, that no one would ever want to be with. I became a worse person then before my A and she was not even in love with that person.

It took me way too long to stand up and admit my wrongs, say Im sorry, and try to make the changes I should have been making all along and now my wife is filing for a D. I cant say I blame her, it took until the bitter end for me to wake up.

You W may care, as I did, but may just be lost in herself right now. My wife though I was done, gone forever, and it took drastic events to wake me up.

I dont dare offer any advice to you as I am just scratching the surface of learning my mistakes, how things could have fixed long ago, but I can offer my insight into where I was and what I was mistakingly thinking. I took a long, long, long time but did wake up eventually. I was in a deep fog because of the emotional bond we had, and then I was in a deep state of denial / depression / whatever you want to call it where I made mistake after mistake after mistake, and still continue to make them. But at least now I realize my mistakes and can fight to not make any more.

Morning KickMe,

I am in the same sitch, only farther along. WH left me for a crack addict with hep C, had been having an A with her for over a year before D-day and when exposed walked out on not just me but our children.

I found myself being the ONLY one who cared for our family. So I completely understand how you feel. Sadly, I do.

In the beginning, weekends were the absolutely WORST time, because after 30 years of being with someone, he was just GONE. I Plan A'd him for MONTHS and MONTHS, almost nine and in the end it wasn't effective anymore, so I went to Plan B.

If you have read and read, then please truly understand that WAW is not the person you once knew. She is an alien who has been abducted and basically is in a drug addict mode, which means she cares NOTHING about ANYTHING in LIFE but getting that next fixed which would be the other man. It's sad, it's disgusting, but it's the reality.

I understand this addictive mind because I am a recovering addict and I understand the high you get from the A.

I haven't read up on your sitch, is there another thread to read your story.

What was told to me was develop a good Plan A, but that it only lasted so long, get into Plan B to protect the love I have for WH and learn to take care of myself.

I'm sure you'll find, I have done the plans beautifully EXCEPT, learning to take care of myself, so hopefull you are WAY BETTER at that.

You are in for a LONG road, especially if she is as fogged out as mine, but you can get through it and there are SO MANY people on here to help you.

Silver, you have the awesome opportunity to help us understand how you can do what you do and not care on how many people are destroyed in "having your own happiness".

Do you mind doing that?

Thnx, AWW, yes, my older kids and my 12 yo DS ask me everyday, "Dad, how are you getting through this"?
I tell them this story...God has been trying to get my attention for years, and I did not listen. Well, boy am I now!!
The day my WAW left, I walked around the house and finally found myself on my knees....now that is a whole thread in itself.
Just this week, I have had 4 different friends come to me for advise...first time in a long time that I felt GOOD explaining how God is working in my life and was not embarrased to tell them that.
My WAW told me that I need to make myself happy before I can make other people happy. All of my children and now friends and family see my sadness, BUT they SEE my God working through me and now I find myself ministering to them.

I know that some day my WAW will say to me that "we need to talk", God has told me to be patient and He is in control. I just need to make sure that I will receive that call with the same attitude I would today..know what I mean?

I don't. I still have such guilt and shame over my actions for destroying my family, meaning my wife, dogs, friendships, parents, etc...

If I can maybe help just one person, I don't know, maybe I can get some comfort that I am help prevent another family from the suffering the pain mine is now in cause of me.

Boy, was this so TRUE in my life.

I recommend this book to you, G-D is More Than Enough, by Tony Evans. Quite literally it saved my life. It's on Psalm 23 and it helped me grasp why this was happening and how to walk through it with G-d.

I to believe G-d had been sending me a message for years and I just simply didn't listen. And then one day he said, don't move because the brick is coming and it's going to knock you down HARD. No hiding from it any longer.

I went to bed at night for so many MONTHS, crying myself to sleep, praying to G-d and holding my Torah and AA book, just to feel not so ALONE.

This is such painful stuff, but you CAN and WILL get through it.

Silver, when you are being honest and helping us understand how you could do what you did or walking throughthe realization of what you did and how destructive you were, it helps if not all of US then me, because then I see theres HOPE. And I just have to keep having FAITH that G-d is working on bringing my H home one day in his time.

It also helps us see how you defog and gives us a way of seeing what we might be experiencing. So you sharing the truth of your life, what's happening etc, you are HELPING....

Thank you

Queen...and you are!

Not sure how to do it but my "story" is listed as "OK MB Please Help"

I have read your entire thread...several times...I have taken great comfort in your steadfastness...you have been an inspiration to us all...thank you.

I WILL continue this fight...we had a wonderful life, and yes, if you read my story, I admit my mistakes...good news is that they were very few so I feel whole today.
My older children are so angry with Mom and want me to move on because I don't deserve to be treated this way. I pray that they never expierence this because until you do...you will do anything to restore your family.
See, I LOVE my WAW, not as my caregiver, but as my best friend and I would not want to lose that. However, I KNOW that I have been asked by God to let him handle this....maybe the kids are right...maybe I have never been loved like I love??!!

Well, i have wanted to post in other threads but did not want to because I though I was too early in learning.

I will offer no advice, but can offer any insight I can into where I was and maybe help someone else get their WW/WH out of it.

Silver, come on over to my thread, PLEASE and offer any insight. :RollieEyes: I'm not looking for answers, but ANYTHING you can give me which says to just keep going in Plan B and leave WH to G-d would be so helpful. Thank you.

Kickme,

I am NO QUEEN, but I love my name Queenie..... It was renamed from my old name of skinsgal and this one has become very near and dear to my heart. My I am a humble person who understands that I have learned so much on here, have been given so many friends and advice that I believe it's my RESPONSIBILITY to give back when I can.

WOW, I am honored, truly for your fortitude in taking the time, THANK YOU. WOW....


I BELIEVE the same thing. That G-d new that my H and I were destroying each other and that he has taken this AWFUL situation to reach out to us both and I have reached back. WH is still running. But he is in G-ds hands. All we can do is become the people that G-d envisioned for us and learn OUR LESSONS in life and move forward TRUSTING G-d that he has plans for us. Plans to proper and that are good for us. Not to mention he knows how this plays out, we just have to step in FAITH... ONE TOE AT A TIME, somedays.

I have to head to services, but I'll be back later this afternoon and read your story.

Thank you for what you said. I think we all still need to hear we make differences in peoples lives.

Have a great morning, KickME and Silver, you too.

Good morning KickMe,

How are you doing today?

Queen,
Great day to you!
Thanks for asking....my 12yo DS and I just returned from church, we had a great lunch.
Service today spoke directly to me and as I've said, God is working miracles in me and I now realize that I have to accept His will for my life.

You really did help me yesterday with my "blues". I am thankful that I've found such wonderful people here that really understand what PAIN is. Please keep ministering with me...am not just speaking Betrayed H speak....I am asking cause I need it and can also feel your pain but also your healing.

Now, how's your day?

Good Morning Kickme,

brother keep praying god will show you what you need to do if we stay strong in HIM our lord will help us.

As HE has promised.

I will pray for you and your family.

Thanks AJ...

I was just thinking about all the threads I've written and the fact that all the wonderful "friends" here...really understand!!!

My friends outside of MB and even some of my kids think "I deserve better". They may be correct...but that is NOT what I want and believe me, I prayed for what I want...for weeks...until I heard God say to "relax and be patient, it will all be fine". Saying this, when you REALLY surrender ANY problem you have have in your life, what you WANT may not be what God wants....
Keep praying for me and my family....I can assure you I am returning the favor....and yes, God does hear all of our prayers!!

Hi Kick,

that was and to this day continues to be my strongest battle, accepting G-ds will for my life. But I can promise you I work on it every second of every day, because he has plans for me and knows the plans.

I'm glad I can be of some help. In AA, long term recovery depends on giving away what was so freely given to you. MB saved my life because people stuck with me and cared about me and helped me to pick up and build a life.

So I will be here every step of the way if you want me to. I can't be called any type of ministry, but I can pass onto you what was given to me and I KNOW helped me survive when I just wanted to die.

This will be the battle of our life. But you can recover and move forward.

Jamesus gave me this.

Queen,
MY definition of ministering: "the ability of one person to share with another, the tragedy and triumph involving tragedy and triumph in their life".

Kinda dumb...my definition...but you do it so well...keep it up...it helps us all!!

I am knew here...but have a whole life's worth of expierence to share with you or anyone that I may can help...all you gotta do is ask!!

Have a wonderful day!!

P.S. Queen, if you look over my earlier posts (today is 6 weeks)...you will FEEL the pain I had. Melody and others were a great help, they were frustrated with me cause I was fighting this war of my life all by myself. If you really pray and REALLY SURRENDER to God, you will find peace, I promise, K?
You and I may never get back what we both want so badly...but by ME surrendering to God and really meaning it...means that I surrender to his WILL.
Try that, if possible, and I promise you..you will see a change in yourself and a belief that our maker can do all. Remember HE does not want one of his children to suffer....K?

Being Jewish gives me a limited view on that word. LOL

SURRENDER to G-d, you will find peace, that is so WEIRD, that's what I feel at this very moment. Peace because G-d is doing what he is doing.

I want to live in G-ds will, I just simply forget he is G-d and I am not.

Commit your works to the LORD and your plans will be established.
Proverbs 16:3

Kickme read my post Fullsteam ahead