NO response for Plan B, got it. ... Text pages I just wont respond [emphasis added].

When we're holding or he leaves what do you guys think about saying I love you?

try any of these:

You're so cute.
I lurve you.
Bye sexy man.
I married my honey.
Bye sweetie.
Hubba-hubba.


or ..... "Now don't go turning me on again like you did the last time!" .... then and giggle ... turn and leave

StellaKat,
I hear the pain you have but let me explain. Having rarely spoken or seen my H(because I cut him off for about 5 months), Yes he is cake eating. I just implemented Plan A on October 3rd, I want him to eat cake. That's my Plan, so it's working.

If he goes by our last interactions over the last 5 months(before I found the book made the changes in myself and allowed him to see and experience these changes, then why on earth would he have a reason to want to come home or at least consider it?)

Regardless of whether you feel my H could possibly have an amount of love for me does not matter. Yes he had an affair, continues to do so and is selfish. Because I am the mother of his children there will always be an amount of love for me, maybe not respect or passionate love, but love in that he does not hope that I die or fall off the earth. This is real, this is what he expresses to my children.

Yes our marriage needed some help, but it wasn't horrible, we were actually each other's best friends and laughed a lot together. He was celebrated in his home and loved pretty well.

He has lost his way(Yes he may not find his way back). I choose to allow the love I have for him to cover, as the bible says, a multitude of sins and give a soft answer to turn away wrath. I refuse to allow bitterness (even if he stays with OW) to consume me and pass that venom to my children.

Instead i will fight against hate and bitterness to the very end so my children will respect me and be able to see really what happened instead of seeing that mom is a hateful yucky person and be able look at me in the wrong light. Bitterness is a venom that steals joy, peace and life and will consume your soul. No thanks I don't want to teach my kids that they are way to precious to me. Now I'm not saying I haven't had moments of struggle with hating him, but I choose to pull my self out of it as quick as i can, and believe me I know it ain't easy.

My hope is that not just me, but everyone on this forum, that they do not stay and conform to the present circumstance but through it, no matter the outcome, that they will transform and use this terrible circumstance as an opportunity for growth. No we have not asked for growth but why not use every moment we are alive to grow instead of living every day out of the moment we discovered the affair. Sorry I just can't God has plans for me too and it didn't only mean if my H was by my side.

I'm grateful for all my new friends who are a light to me helping me and encouraging me during my Plan A and soon my Plan B. Your words are gold to me, either way it goes, because I've found friends among people who understand my pain because they've went through it too. I am amazed by you becaue you still can see hope and you do not bash our fathers/mothers of our children. You speak clear truths, facts and wisdom with out the sting of hate. Now that's amazing! That's strength and its beautiful!

We gave each other a kiss and a hug and I cheerfully said so when do you plan to come back? He says you mean you want a liar and a cheater back? I say I don't mean to live I mean to visit,

Basic Concept #8: The Three States of Mind in Marriage

The Giver and Taker create moods that I call states of mind. These states of mind have a tremendous influence on the way a husband and wife try to resolve conflicts. But in each of the three states of mind, negotiation is almost impossible. That's what makes negotiation, in general, so tough in marriage.

When we are in love and happy, we are usually in the State of Intimacy. That state of mind is controlled by the Giver, which encourages us to follow the Giver's rule: do whatever you can to make your spouse happy and avoid anything that makes your spouse unhappy, even if it makes you unhappy. That rule can lead to habits that may be good for our spouse, but can be disastrous for us because we are not negotiating with our own interests in mind.

Sadly, flawed agreements made in the state of Intimacy can lead to our own unhappiness, and that in turn wakes the slumbering Taker. As long as we are happy, our Taker has nothing to do, but when we start feeling unhappy, our Taker rises to our rescue and triggers the State of Conflict. With the Taker now in charge, we are encouraged to follow the rule: do whatever you can to make yourself happy, and avoid anything that makes yourself unhappy, even if it makes others unhappy. The Taker also encourages us to be demanding, disrespectful and angry in an effort to force our spouse to make us happy. Fighting is the Taker's favorite "negotiating" strategy.

When fighting doesn't work, and we are still unhappy, the Taker encourages us to take a new course of action that triggers the State of Withdrawal. Instead of trying to force our spouse to make us happy, our Taker wants us to give up on our spouse entirely. We don't want our spouse to do anything for us, and we certainly don't want to do anything for our spouse. In this state of mind we are emotionally divorced.

How can couples work their way back to the state of Intimacy once they find themselves trapped in the state of Withdrawal? And once they are back, how can they stay there? The answers to those questions are found in the next Basic Concept.

Hopefully the OW's taker is coming out. She for sure isn't going to like all that time he is spending at home with you. LOL.

Like everyone says, be sure to keep STD's in mind.

Sounds like you are giving him the most attractive alternative.