Hey Meggie,
Unfortunately, the suit asks for partial custody, but visitation is the least that they will agree to, but not without a fight! I am doing really good though, I am at my mom and dad's for my b-day dinner (it was yesterday, but we couldn't get together till today). I will write more tomorrow, but that is where we are for now.

KLB

I forget, did you document the physical abuse to you with the police?

My sons' father was physcially abusive to me, and I got sole custody with only supervised visitation. I did not get it easily, but stood my ground, and finally it ended up that way.

No, there was no documentation made of the abuse other than the PFA (restraining order). I am in the process of preparing for the case, I am also preparing the house to put onto the market. WH defaulted on the loan against the house, so next hurdle to cross! I am doing well I am staying strong and looking for a job or a way to get my teaching certificate reinstated from inactive status and what is involved with that. The kids are doing great and like school. The new principal is fantastic and their teachers are both good, God is so good! Even in the midst of all this chaos and pain!!!! Thank you all....
KLB

Glad the kids like school and things are going as well as could be expected. Are you still going to church? Hope you have some support IRL.

Hello everyone I just wanted to post a quick update. Please pray for the children and I our custody hearing with my in-laws was on Tuesday and it was a mess! I truly don't even know the outcome the custody master dismissed all of us and said that she would make an interim recommendation for custody, but gave no indication what that might be. However, she did insinuate that it would include something for WH who did not even file or pursue anything! As well as the grandparents eventhough she stated on at least three occasions during the hearing that they had no grounds for custody! I am just so disappointed in the court system and really struggling with all of this. It has been 7 months since WH left with OW and they are still together and going strong! No contact has not been broken since July, but I feel like if I could sit down with him and talk to him he and I could be reasonable and work something out, but given the PFA and how badly he hurt me and how drastically and scarily he has changed I really don't want my/our children exposed to those influences and to that OW's home, he hasn't filed for divorce or custody or anything and here I feel he is going to be rewarded for his sinful and despicable behaviors by getting to have a share in the custody of our children! I feel totally robbed. I know that God is in control and he can work a miracle and a way when there seems no way, but honestly I am feeling a little sad and disappointed and so angry at my in-laws who lied through the entire hearing and are going to walk away with something! Our system really stinks!!!! I am praying for a miracle many miracles, but I don't even know what to do, I haven't gotten a hold of my lawyer yet to even hear his opinion and explanation for what happened on Tuesday! Please pray for me to stay strong and resist Satan's attacks on me to turn from my trust in God's sufficiency and protection and love!
Thank you all,
KLB

Well, God is truly at work, the custody master's decision came on Saturday and the case was dismissed. So, this is one more hurdle crossed, and still moving forward. Still miss old WH before the "fog" rolled in, but have relinquished it to God and looking forward to seeing what he has for the children and I down the narrow path. I am not looking to the right or to the left, but being strong and courageous and following Joshua's lead as we march toward the promised land.
Praying that each of you are healing and doing well!
KLB

Hi there,

I think of you so often. I don't understand what you are saying about the custody. Is it good for you?

How are you taking care of yourself.

How come you aren't coming around so often?

Hi Queenie~
I am doing good, The custody thing was great news for me. My in-laws sued me for custody of the three kids and visitation. The custody master came back and dismissed the case saying they had no grounds for custody which doesn't give them court ordered visitation either. This is a good thing because we(me, WH, or children) have never had a very good relationship with them. WH and parents are close I guess now, but they say because of me they weren't able to be before. They are just mean and spiteful people.

As for taking care of myself, I am still going to counseling every other week and I have gone back to my old church and they have been fantastic!! I am so blessed with wonderful people surrounding me, helping for me and praying for me. As for things with WH we are still very dark, I saw him at the custody hearing he wouldn't look at me or talk to me which was fine with me. I am good with that, there has been so much dirty business still coming forward and it makes me so sad and angry and just sick to see him. I went to a "Spa Night" at church on Friday night it was wonderful! I had a manicure, pedicure and a mini facial and great fellowship and best of all a chocolate fountain with goodies to dip/cover.

How are things for you? Are you doing well? How do you get through the lonly times? Any tricks? It is definitely getting easier, I can't believe that he has been gone 7 months already, but at the same time it feels like longer. I don't even know that I really miss him anymore. I don't feel like I even knew who he was, it all seems like lies, but I know that there was good there, but not what it should have or was supposed to be like, but he IS my husband and the father of my children and I am trying to believe that he could change that God hasn't given up on him, but at the same time I have realized that there is too much to do to really even think too much about it or worry about it.....I have been trying very hard to lean about me and who I am and what I like, love, want, and need. It has been really slow and difficult. My biggest desire is to find a passion for something again, preferrably something that I could do to make a living, but that too will come in time.

The next big hurdle for me is the house, it has been full of stress and problems and I feel like the time is coming fast for the kids and I to move, I got served with forclosure papers form the bank, WH defaulted on a line of credit that has the house as collateral. I just want to get out with my credit intact, but if that is not God's will then I will have to accept that too.

Thank you for caring, I don't have internet at home anymore so I check when I get the chance at the library or a friends house, so be patient I am still around. May you be richly blessed this year by God Almighty!

KLB

Glad things are going good for you, and that you are working on your issues. And I'm so thankful your church stepped up to the plate!!!!!!!!

That's great news about the inlaws being cut off at the pass!

That just makes me sick to hear how they've been trying to manipulate you and your kids. Do the kids know what they tried to pull?

I'm happy too that your church stepped up to the plate to help. The body can be a big help when they do the right thing.

As for the house, you know KB, it's just a building. Maybe it will be better for you guys to go to a new place, a new start, without the memories. I lost my house to foreclosure too when my FWH was doing his thing. It hurt and I thought it was awful at the time. But in the big picture, it's just a building. Your home is you and your kids, wherever you are. I can't help but believe that God has something better in store for you, beyond your wildest imagination. He likes to surprise his kids.

It was good to hear from you and please know that many of us are still praying for you.

Hi PrincessMeggy,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I am so not worried about the physical site of where the children and I live it is all the financial and emotional mess of the foreclosure and its effects for later. Yeah I know one day at a time but I am so used to thinking long term that I forget about just worrying about today, today has so many little problems that it should be more than enough, but I have been raised by an engineer, if this then that has been my dad's mantra, but God says to just trust and obey, I am still working on that lesson! I am grateful for the amazing and scary changes that are happening to me. So many people have told me that I have changed so much and that I am already a better person than when WH was around. I still have moments of gushing rage, but for the most part I just feel so sorry for him and what he gave up for nothing but an empty life! I look forward to seeing him reap some of the "rewards" of his sinfulness, not that I am gloating or any of that I just would like to see him hit rock bottom and change, or at least that is what I pray for! He still has the choice to say no way, and keep running.
As for the in-laws I am so grateful and thankful to God for protecting the children and I. They came for dinner on Thurs. it was okay, but they again violated the judge and the PFA, and I don't know how to handle this, the kids were upset because the minute mommy walked away to do something they started to discuss and pressure about WH!!! AHHHHH, I don''t want to be hateful, but I don't think they will believe me till he goes to jail! I just don't know what to do, I have given this to God and the next time that they call to come see the kids they will be told that if they violate the PFA and judge's warnings again I will have no other choice but to call the police. Is this the right course of action? And, yes the kids are very smart and have seen right through them for a long time even before WH left home!

I am so blessed being back at my old church and friends that God has surrounded me with both new and old, computer friends and physical friends, and I know that he is faithful and he will continue to be faithful, I just need to be strong and courageous!!!
Thank you and God's blessings to everyone!
KLB

Exactly. It is a privilege that you are even allowing them back in your home. Draw your line in the sand dearie... they won't believe you mean business until you do.

Still praying for you and yours!

Wow, KLB, I was just thinking about you today and thinking I needed to dig your thread up.

So often people comment about the growth in me. While deep down in those private recesses I know there are changes and shifts, my dear, oh my dear in you there is amazing growth and change.

I hope you can feel it and know how gracious and good G-d has been or diligent in working in your life. When you first came here, like so many of us, you could barely breathe, now look at you, going to a church you are happy at, taking on your in-laws and winning, take care of your children and surviving and learning about what makes YOU happy. I am truly inspired by you.

I am actually doing good. I get through the lonely times by talking to G-d and keeping myself busy as much as possible. I go to AA meetings and other such, but what I have come to learn is that this too shall pass. I go to sleep early, I go to a movie, I do something that breaks the state I am in and moves me in a different direction.

Whatever you are doing is working incredibly. Keep it up and please keep checking in and letting us know you are ok and doing well. We miss not having you on here, but in a ways that means you are moving along like the rest of us.

Have a good rest day tomorrow.

Queenie,
Sorry it has taken me so long to respond, I actually tried once before this got the whole thing written and tried to post and I lost my connection so the whole thing was lost. I guess that was God's way of saying that it was enough to vent it just to him and not to pass it on, for whatever reason, so here I am back again to say thank you for your kind words. Sometimes I see the growth and am astounded by it and then other times I see myself and have SO far yet to go! I guess that is true of all of us that we have so far to go. I am still so saddened at the mess that my husband has made out of everything. I miss the feeling of having a companion, a friend, a partner, I feel like the other half of me is missing and has been torn away. He is still deeply entrenched in his other life and is in some ways still sinking, but for me I know that I don't want him and at this point I am ready to move toward divorce. I never thought or dreamed that I would say those words, but he is so disgusting to me I look at what he has become and wonder where in the world this thing came from, I can't even see any of the man that I fell in love with, and how is that even possible it makes me wonder which is the lie and which is the real man? It doesn't seem possible that the kind and loving father that was my best friend could be the same man that is into street racing and drinking and smoking and adultery and........ Where did it all go wrong and what lies ahead for the children and I? I feel so sad for these three beautiful children who their earthly father has turned his back on and forgotten! They suffer so silently! Sometimes I think because they are so young that they deal better because they don't have all the understanding and at other times because they don't have the understanding that they suffer and struggle more.
I am ready for a new life, yet I am tied unendingly to this one. How is all of this possible or even real? I know that I made a lot of mistakes and I am working on changing and growing, but how can my husband wayward or not not feel sorry or regret or anything for all that he has done? Well, my time is up on the computer in the library, so I must go for now, I hope my ponderings are not too dreary, I am so dreading but looking forward to the holidays. I have been crying a lot lately just sad for the life lost, but looking toward a new life ahead, very hard, very sad!
God bless,
KLB

When did it all and where did it all spin so out of control? How did the man that I loved and trusted become this despicable vile person? When and how did he the loving kind compassionate father and husband die and become this? Now what happens for the children and I who are left trying to pick up the pieces? Where do we go from here? How do I get a plan, what do I do for a job? How am I to provide? I am trusting God to help me and lead me and provide, but sometimes I just get scared because I don't know and I know that when I am supposed to then I will know, but as a mom and the only parent left it is really scary not knowing! I am finding new ways to do things and new things that I enjoy and I am content with my life, but I don't know what step is next. I loved him, but I must move on and I don't want to be alone. I am okay alone for a time, but I want a chance to be loved again and for my children to really have a dad to care for them and do with them. I love my children and I want them to have the best a real whole family a mother and a father, and unfortunately the father that should love them and be with them has chosen another path, so onward I press to see what God will provide and bring into our lives.
I am so blessed and so thankful for this place to come and read and learn and lean and heal! This has been the hardest 7 months of my life so far, but at the same time I am so grateful for the woman I am becoming and the changes in myself. I am so grateful for my church family for their love and prayers, they have pulled me up from the pits and they and you all have helped me to find the strength to stand again and to lift my chin and not be afraid to take a hit, but to just stand my ground and take one day at a time, one hour or one minute at a time sometimes, and I am forever thankful that God called me to be His child because I cannot even fathom making it through this without Him. Thanksgiving has really made me stop and reflect upon the gifts that have been freely given to me and whether or not I am honoring or dishonoring them with my words and actions. Many times unfortunately I am finding that I have dishonored them, and I am choosing today to walk a new path to stop and think before I react or speak. To take that road less traveled, to face adversity head on and not try to escape it but embrace it and change. Thank you all so much, keep teaching me to live again!!!
Forever Grateful,
KLB

I haven't read what you posted, but I can tell you need a hug.

KLB, there is no good answer to explain where they go or what happens to them. Especially when they are the utmost respectable and loving people before. I could never have imagined my H becoming the monster WH, but he has.

Where we were partners, we are enemies and the battle really hasn't been fought yet. Am I strong enough to survive it, not sure.

KLB, you are doing amazing. You are letting G-d in and doing exactly what he is asking of you. Be proud of yourself, understand that one day the blessings of love, and all the rest will follow, when its right.

You are growing and changing because you allow it in, and G-d and myself are so awed by your strength. You are a wonderful servant.

Keep doing what you are doing. One day it won't hurt so bad. I know this to be true.