I am told By Mims, this is the best place to go for the best help.

Please help him you guys he and his family need it.
I found this site through a neighbor of mine who says MB saved her marriage. She urged me to post and basiclytold me I would be bombarded with help. Heres my issues. This is the bulk of his story

I discovered the first part of August 08 that my wife of 3 years had set up a profile on a web site. This website is sort of like a facebook, get to know other people and network yourself website. While its not a 100% matchmaker website, it does have those options. On her profile she stated that she was looking for friends and "serious dating". She had pictures of herself and her daughters on there. I saw this and was devastated to say the least. I brought it to her attention. She said that all she was doing was chatting with people and was networking trying to find a decent job. At first I demanded that she delete the profile but then demanded that she at least change the profile to remove the serious dating and that she acknowlege she is married and has a step son. I also demanded that she put in her narrative that she is only looking for chat buddies only and not for any encounters of any type. She reluctantly agreed and changed it in front of me. Three days later she had changed it back because she told me she gets better hits with it the other way. I was livid. She said she was just having fun chatting and getting romantic proposals etc. I have been noticing that since she put up her profile, she has been going out almost every weekend. (I work the graveyard shift). She called me one night while she was out telling me she was on her way home. Her phone didnt disconnect and I heard her giving her phone number out to a guy. Now comes the end of Sept. Wife calls me from work so happy that someone gave her flowers (Dozen red roses) I asked her where she got them from and she stated that a lady who was leaving for another job was thrown a farewell party and this lady gave them to her since she couldnt take them home. They were from Marty I found out later. After a couple of weeks of her wanting me to take a weekend off so her and I could go out, my boss let me have a week off. (We're short handed at work) I saw her getting ready to go out. Thinking that we were going out together, I started getting ready. She then told me that she was going out without me. When I told her that I was going because thats why I took the time off of work, she said "Well, I'm not going then". I couldnt see due to all of the red flags flying in my face. She told me that she was going out with a friend of the family. I know this guy very well and trust him with my life. She handed me her phone and told me to call him. He didnt answer. I did notice another guys name on the call list named Marty. She had just called him 30 minutes prior. She said he was just a friend. I called Marty and informed him that she is married and to cease contact. I continued to look at her cell phone and started reading texts. She had been texting 4 different guys that week alone. She was telling 2 of them that she loves them and cant wait to be with them. One of them was making arraingements for a motel room. Another one was texting "Where are you, are you on your way yet". All the next week my wife was trying to make it better, I love you so much, I would never cheat etc. etc. Well, the next Saturday rolls around and I told her I would call in sick so we could spend time together. This woman started an arguement with me so I would get frustrated and go to work. To make an already long story short, I ended up coming home to find her driving out of the subdivision. I followed her to a motel where I saw her GET OUR 2 YEAR OLD CHILD OUT OF THE CAR AND TAKE HER INTO THIS MANS MOTEL ROOM !!!! I waited on them, got my child, told her I hope he was worth it, and left for the weekend with my daughter after making a police report about her endangering our child. I am a police officer myself, so I needed to document this for my jobs sake and my daughters safety. Since then I find out different things almost every day like more texts late at night from a high up executive in her company (A MAJOR telecommunications company which used to be called Cingular) He is trying to arrange get togethers with him and her. HE is married, with three kids. I found out last night that Marty is still in the picture, they were even talking MARRIAGE. He is sending her info on his health benefits which he intends to put her and the kids on. After I found this, she said she wants to stay together. She called Marty and made a half baked break up speech with him then actually was crying because she just broke up with a man she has known for 2 WEEKS!! My marriage is so complicated, she is bi- polar, has anxiety disorders.... I just need some help before I go nuts.

usedandabused

Here is the link for the rest of the thread.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2146421&fpart=1


http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubb...in=153689&Number=2147966#Post2147966

Send HIM here, DIG!!

Thank you Mims for showing the right place for him to get help. I really appreciate it and I have. He should be here soon.

Welcome to MB. I suggest you put a keylogger on the computer - you can download one free - Spector-pro and Eblaster are good ones. Then you can get a record of what is going on.

Also you can get a test kit online to detect semen in her undergarments. I would do that too.

I have a lot of sympathy for bipolar people, because it is not their fault, but it is ESSENTIAL that they stay on their meds, and many don't want to. That is kind of a hallmark of the disease.

My step daughter is bipolar, won't take meds, and has 5 children by 5 men. She is 28. She is married and cheating on the 5th baby daddy. She is a beautiful girl, intelligent, a hard worker, kind and accomplished. But the disease has her firmly in its grip.

I think you need to protect yourself (from STD's) and your child. Get some proof about what is going on.

How long did you know her before you married? Did you really think a woman with 4 kids from 4 dads was a good catch?

I wanted to tell everyone thank you for the help. However after talking to used further. I think the best thing for him to do is to take his kids and not just walk away but run away as far and fast as he can from that crazy DOB he calls a wife. He talked to her family today and they filled him in on more of her past that he was unaware of and hearing this I think the best thing to do is to get away from her. I think the OM is doing him a favor by taking the crazy heifer off his hands. I say good riddance to bad rubbish.

Ok B was so angry when U talked to her family she came home and jumped on him. Because they told him the truth of pattern. She is mentally unstable. I am writing because I want you all to pray for this poor family. They need it as much as possible.

I know the cops were called but I don't know what happened afterward. Does Dr. Harley inform couples what to do after something like this?

That B, I don't know what to say about her. She broke Used phone, tried to break his computer. After he talked to her family. She called DD9 and told her not to talked to Used anymore because he is not her dad. DD9 went to him crying because she said she knew her mom was cheating. DD9 didn't want to tell her mom she knew because she was afraid she would get in trouble. Well DD9 did get in trouble. B doesn't want her to come over here anymore. We have been taking care of this kid for over the past year. Now she can't come because she thought DD was telling me about what was going on in their house.

Used knew she fussed at DD and what she said about him, and told her he would handle it. He was afraid to leave the kids with her by themselves and now I see why. If he wasn't there she may have done this to the kids. She is reacting this way because all of her lies are being brought to the light. I am scared too because she called me and was ranting on my cell phone telling me if I didn't stay away from Used and stop giving him advice and her kids she would file harassment charges. Used didn't fight her back because she is a woman. Me on the other hand I will beat the brakes off her if she comes to my house and acts in the front of my kids the way she does with hers.

I say time to back out, Dig.

This is USED' WORK now...

Let HIM come here and ask for help if he wants it from us or ELSE he may be triangling YOU in HIS STUFF.

I agree. I don't want to be any further involved in their craziness. I want to help but, you are right it is not my place. I have done all I can. My heart is just breaking for the kids. I don't want them to be with their mom, yet I don't want them to go, because we care about them. Yet me wanting them to stay is being selfish.

I feel like DD9 is one of my kids. She is over here all the time. Now things make so much sense. Now I know why when I would tell her it is time to go home why she would say she doesn't want to. How can I back away from the kids without feeling like I am abandoning them like there mom. I want them to know I am here when/if they need me. I am so sad I can't even see the keys on the keyboard. Yet I am so mad at their mom for doing all of this to them I am afraid of what I might do if I see her because I am so mad.

Used said the police came out last night and even though he had proof that she was hitting him they didn't take her to jail because they didn't see any signs of her kicking and hitting him. They left her there with him and the kids after doing what she did. I am to out done. So is he. He said she jumped on him while the kids were sitting right there, because her mom know about her affair. Like he made her cheat.

I'm concerned though about how much HE is involving YOU.

I would stop talking with HIM about it DIG unless HE is also involving YOUR HUSBAND.

I understand exactly what you mean and believe me I am involving my DH because I know Used is vulnerable.

I am involving him because anything that involves me involves him. I told him and he agrees that we have done all we can. I love the fact that I look out for others, however this is a negative. I am a caretaker yet I can't help people who don't want help. I refuse to go down with their ship. My household is happy. Our kids are for the most part happy, however I am trying to learn not to give them so much so they will learn to appreciate what they have. I can't save everyone but that doesn't change the fact that I want to try. However the difference is I now know when to back away and I have to say now is that time.

I didn't have anything to do with their marrige, all though I care about the kids. Mine have to come first. I feel that Used is going through this because he is meant to learn and grow from all that has occurred. My hands are tied. I know he needs someone to talk to but for my sake and the sake of my family I can't be that someone. I am to emotionally involved because of the kids, and my involved is weighing to heavily on my heart, to keep it from effecting the people in this house.

I still don't know how to not feel guilty because I can't be there for the kids. They need all the help they can get.

I'm sorry I havnt posted anything until now because of so much which has been going on. I have found out quite a few things about B that I never knew. She became angry last night after she found out that her mother now knows of her antics. I was sitting at my computer working on some bills when she came downstairs. She stated to me "Why did you tell my mother about this" then I felt her fist as she punched me in the back of the neck. She grabbed my cell phone and dumped it in the sink and shoved my laptop into the sink. Laptop survived, phone died. She picked up drinking glasses and other glasswear and threw them at me. Kids were on the couch and saw the event as they were running upstairs. I then went to the stairs to check on the kids. She attacked me again at the bottom of the stairs swinging size 10 wedge shoes by the strap at me. I was punched in the face, hit in the head and body by shoes, toys and anyhting else she could get her hands on. I yelled to the kids upstairs to call 911 immediately. DD8 ran towards her room to call but B told her "If you call 911, you're through" I ended up calling.

Well, today while B is gone to work, I took all the kids to breakfast where they opened up to me. They told me that mommy told them to lie to the police and tell them that nothing happened. They are torn up because they know lying is bad and they are being forced to lie. They told me that B told the police that she never touched me and that I was making up everything. The kids are scared because they think B will hurt them if they tell the truth. I'm working on trying to get her evaluated on an emergency basis, I am dealing with my job and trying to comfort these 4 kids so forgive me.

DIG has been a godsend to me, she has been a great shoulder to lean on and has given me so much information. But, DIG, if this is affecting your family, which you havnt told me, I just read it here, stay away from it then. I am going through so much right now and my mind is scattered with things I need to do and how I'm going to go about doing it, I dont need the guilt of MY problems affecting your family. You and your husband are two wonderful people and I would feel bad if my issues had a negative affect on either one of you. I will keep you informed of how everyone is doing.

I'll post later after trying to get some of these things done. Thanks for the responses.

I think it can be hard to get emergency stuff done on the weekend, but surely you need to start FIRST thing Monday getting started, the legalities of protecting your children. Does the police department provide private legal services? This doesn't sound to me like the kind of situation you would want to freelance and work out yourself, but you surely need a pitbull, and in a hurry too, to hammer out some kind of restraint on this woman before the kids are physically harmed. And that would include her biological daughter, too. If there's a bio-dad in the picture, maybe it would help to involve him. If you've been stepdad long enough, you may have sufficient legal standing to protect her on your own.

Don't waste any time. Marriage building is a WAY distant second to personal safety!!

I did contact a psychiatric center and explained what was going on. Their response was they could not take her at this time unless she was showing signs of serious depression or she was threatening suicide or unless there was a court or Dr.'s order OR if she came in on her own requesting treatment. She called me yesterday while she was working wanting me to come to her job and bring her some food. I told her that as long as she continues to stay in contact with Marty (OM) and continues to tell him that she loves him, and he tells her that he loves her that she needs to call him to bring her food. I also told her that he can now help her pay her bills. Marty lives 2 states away and comes here on different weekends to see his sweetie. I told her that since he has proposed marriage to her and has presented her a ring, he can now support her financially and do little things for her like bringing her food on her job. I'm going to spend my paychecks on more important things, like the kids. She then told me that her and Marty are over and that he wanted to talk to me on the phone to confirm what she said about it being over. I'm really not interested in talking to anyone but my attorney after the things I found out about her from her own mother and sister this weekend. This makes my case for full custody even more stronger than ever. Heres a real good one. B came home from work last night telling me that she is very angry and hurt over me exposing her affair to her other sister and mother. She told me that I was low down and that I betrayed her in the worst way. I dont think that she knows that they told me the things that they told me about her and her parenting but if we do end up in court she definately "Has a lot of Splaining to do"!!!!!

U&A,

It's time to call CPS regarding the person.

You did do that, right?

You need to protect all those kids from this toxic person.

I cannot call her a wife or mother right now.

She is neither.

Dealan-de I could not agree more. What she is doing is the epitome of selfishness. She knows her DD9 comes here everyday because both B and used are at work when she gets home and her two oldest siblings don't get home until 2 hours later. Yet because I told her I didn't want to talk to her anymore until she gets her stuff together, she told her daughter she can't come over anymore. The child felt safe here because we treat her like part of the family. Yet because she assumed that I was trying to get information about her from her daughter ,she punished for that.

I knew Used was checking into getting admitted to a mental institution. I was waiting to hear back from him to make sure they were all safe. I was so worried when I didn't here back. I just knew she had found out and went home and hurt all of them. She needs to be detained somewhere she can't hurt herself or anyone else.

Used getting checked in or his BP wife?? If its him expect her to use that fact against him and keep his kids away from him and go for full custody!!

No InLikeFlynn he is trying to get her checked in. I don't know what he has to do to protect his family other than going to CPS but if he does that will they take the children from him too? They need some kind of stability. If they remove her from the home for the family's safety sake. It would be the best thing for the kids at this point.

I spoke with a friend who is a higher up with Fulton Co. DFCS,she said with all the scrutiny going on with DFCS If I call them they will basicly put the whole family under a microscope and she advised against it at this time but this was BEFORE the violence this weekend. She told me that in her opinion, I have more than enough evidence to get custody. But, that was also BEFORE I found out the other info from her mom and sister.

Ok Used what if anything were you able to do to help your stich today? I saw the kids and I told them if they needed anything to call me, or come over.