Well, I gotta agree with her there, SD guy. I always wanted to go to Riverdance.

Hah, I didn't want to go to Riverdance, but did anyway. How come I can’t consider that an amazing and true justification for committing adultery?

It came as a complete shock, of course. I had not once said "I do not want to go to Riverdance." Nor had she ever said "I would like to go to Riverdance" or anything like it. My fault was in not guessing that this was something important to her using ESP.

And the fact that I went out within a day or so and bought excellent tickets to an upcoming performance of Riverdance in San Diego made no difference because she was still seeing POSOM. Our daycare provider had a really nice time, though, and would probably recommend it, B.

Aphelion - GOOD GRIEF.

Are your bitter little rants actually helping anyone?

You project your OWN RECOVERY onto all the great FWS's here and represented here.

I very much doubt that any FWS would disagree they were abusive when the had an affair or that ANY FWS would say an affair is not abuse.

The central tennant of MB and also Christianity (which you profess to be a Christian) say that we can change. In fact we can be transformed and in the case of a Christian ARE being transformed into the Image of Jesus.

But I guess that's STILL not good enough for you.

A member of because a WS is christain, so they must be pre-forgiven school of thought are we?

I have to heartily agree with Aph.

A WS is abusive and they feed off your pain, and even when they are a FWS, the trophy of the damage always sits up on their mantle for all to see.

I have to take issue with that statement. My H and my kids certainly don't hold up a "trophy of the damage for all to see" and neither does BigK and his family when it comes to Mrs K.

Yes, I said some stupid, hurtful things when I was a foggy WS, completely thoughtless rather than intending to hurt. I agree completely that an A is spousal abuse. But, please DON'T tar everyone with the same brush as to their motives for the stupid, stupid, hurtful things a WS says. I cringe when I think of what I said back then. Any FWS worth their salt does.

Gee, my DS hates me so much that he came up to me when I was cooking dinner the other day, gave me a hug and said "I haven't hugged my mum in a while", my DD hates me so much that we're in constant phone and email contact going "squueeeee" over the wedding plans. My H hates me so much that the other day when a guy friend nudged him as a pretty (young) girl walked past and said "pwwooar, wouldn't you like some of that?" my H said, "obviously you haven't seen my wife".

A recovered marriage is a lovely thing.

Pariah, I don't even begin to understand your XW's mindset and what she did to you.

Find ONE TIME I have ever said this.

Find one time in my post above where I mentioned forgiveness.

Don't be putting words into my mouth or ascribing meaning that isn't there.


What a pity.


Well you would say that as you never did have a "F"WS did you?

I have a REAL FWS and I know a few as well and consider them friends.

Does projecting your hurt on FWS's make you feel better? Is that your payoff?

My husband once told me he deceived himself more than he deceived me. The Catholic Church has it right in saying, "Satan is the Father of Lies."

Cherished

I just remembered a few things which have come to mind.

The ex wanted to tell me how much I sucked as a husband so she went into a hour and a half of very good reasons why she had to leave me. Among these great reasons:

"You act older than your age"

"You wanted me to be a stay at home, Betty Crocker, little military wife" (not true, I would have been happy if she had done anything. This is also coming from a woman who would leave the kids with a nanny for hours while she went out to "shop and run errands")

"You never wanted to go dancing. I like to dance!"

"You are jealous and don't like me having guy friends."

There were many more golden sayings that day.

Here are a couple:

Voicemail left to me by OW after D-day. "I do not want your husband. I am over it. I am OVER it." Well, I never really expected her to tell the truth.

Said in first MC counseling session by WH after mentioned that current A was not the only occasion, that he had had a ONS in 2004, "NO MORE LIES" and then lied to me for the next several weeks.

"I can't avoid her at work. I have to treat her like everybody else". Sadly, I ALMOST bought into that one. Thank goodness for MB.

"I never stopped loving you and I was always showing how I loved you" and then could not think of one example. This one was said last night 6+ months after D-day and 3 months into what I call the beginning of our R.

Just remember she has that trophy up on her mantle as a shining reminder that it was so easy to find someone better until you ruined everything. OP's memory will always be there along with the great what if.
The monster is merely sleeping until it's time to feed again and not even God has the power to stop it.

I hope it's OK for a FWW to add a couple.

One day FOM said to me: We should start sitting on my porch in the daytime so the neighbors don't suspect anything. Hmmm, sounded like a good plan to me because I'm sure seeing us hanging out during the day would make the neighbors think nothing of me sneaking in the side garage door at midnight. :RollieEyes: I cannot believe how we thought we were so much smarter than everyone else.

Here is something he said that even deep in the fog I saw to be odd. He told me he told his W she and I should start hanging out and become friends. He then told me if his W and I were friends that would give us more time together. I looked at him and said "You're kidding right? You must be out of your mind" Even I saw that one and I was out of my mind, too. What makes this even worse is he had already befriended my DH for the same reason. UGH waywards suck.

LC

So you don't believe in a "F"WS and you don't believe people can change?

You're really not a good fit for this website are you Pariah? Why are you here? Just to spread around your sunshine to hurting vulnerable people?

It's not your place to send me off to the Island of Misfit Toysâ„¢.

Neither is it your right to have your anti-marriage building agenda unchallenged.

This one by an earlier poster is just incredible:


My WW has said similar things like "I wish you had never caused this situation GH31". Whilst I was neglectful and verbally abusive (I take full responsibility for that), I did not make her pursue another man. Otherwise she wouldn't have lied all about it when I discovered it, surely.

I have to give a shout out to FWWes. I label those who post here as FFWWes (The extra F is for fabulous).

I do see that you guys have changed and simply wish to give you some props.

There's nothing anti-marriage building about his comments.
A little jaded maybe.
We all need to be reminded that the silver lining in clouds is sometimes actually a big jetliner heading right for you.
There has to be balance.
Good and bad. Otherwise we forget the other.

GH31,

Whatever you do, PLEASE, PLEASE never, ever, ever, ever have ANY children with this woman!!!!!

I can't tell you how relieved I was to see Children: 0 on the score board!!!

Okay, with that said, cut her off...completely and now.

dragonflygal

GH31,

It was my husband who said, "I had no choice but to have an affair."

A person who will blame you for a past affair will blame you for a future affair. There is nothing you can do to change that person. That person is buying into a view of morality which is that there is no morality because there is no free will. It's becoming the scientific explanation of behavior as taught in college psychology courses. She's not to blame. It's her environment (you). She does not take responsibility because she does not believe in her own ability to make choices.

Believe me, you don't want children in that situation. We had four, ages 4 months to 7 years, when he started his affair. How selfish of him. He told me later he didn't think it would affect me or the kids if I didn't know. Right --

As I posted earlier, "Satan is the Father of Lies", and the biggest lie of all is that you don't have responsibility for your own actions. That line of reasoning started right in the Garden of Eden: Eve blamed the serpent, and Adam blamed Eve.

Cherished