My ex wants to be very close. He says he loves me so much and wants us to retain the friendship. But he has been out having sex with different women, falling in love and living with one woman for two months who he even discussed marriage with, and his new female best friend - they have been great friends for a year now and I have met her - he says he is not interested, but last week he said something that got me asking "Have you been intimate with her?" and he yes, once.

He wants me to meet her, he is considering reconciling with me (not that I know if I would be able to even try - I think that would be highly unlikely) but how can I be friends with him, and also meet her when he has been intimate with her? How can I be friends when if we bump into a woman he knows when we are out that I wonder if he has been intimate with her?! Its all doing my head in.

Do I just need to accept that we had is over and things are different now, and try to be friends?

Also, a big question.
I have loved this man and supported him for so long, and now he has been out and 'active' with other women and I find I just can't do that with men. So I wonder if inside me I am still attached to him and my mind and body are remaining 'faithful' to him for some weird reason ....like at a subconscious level. so the question I have is this. Would I feel better if even-the-score? If I can get myself to get out and be intimate with other men, then would I feel like 'ok, well we have both moved on' and then maybe it will be easier to be friends having things kind of the same?

Please help, I really some guidance.

Walk away. He's trying to cake-eat.

You deserve better friends than someone who, knowing how you feel about him, would rub it in your face that he's screwing other women.

What are you doing to get your life back on track after him?

Actually, I agree with catperson. Just cut him off all together. Don't have anything to do with him.
But don't go out to even up the score -- it won't make you feel any better and will probably give you more pain for getting yourself into that kind of situation.

I agree with others - he's cake eating big time.

I don't know when or why you got divorced, but there was a reason for it. Perhaps he cheated or was abusive. These are very cruel things to do to another human being. If you met someone like this for the first time today, you would not choose them to be a friend, much less a lover. The only difference is that you have prior emotional attachment to your X as opposed to a total stranger. But that attachment is based on lies and deceit and he's using it to take advantage of you like the bloodsucker that he is. You need to stop allowing it or he will suck the life right out of you.

Plan B works really well for this. You do it a little differently than if you were trying to restore the marriage. Don't send a letter - there are no conditions under which you would take him back (unless there are, but I suspect there's not). Just cut off contact. All contact. Move if you have to. I know it's hard. I've been in this for over a year and I still have moments of weakness when I wish I could talk to him the way things used to be. But I remind myself that can never happen, because everything back then was an illusion and he's not the decent man I thought he was. It's easier to think about those days as if that man was dead- which in a way he is because the creep that replaced him is nothing like my former husband was.